Just finding out, female

[Illuminatas]

With the help of a new GP, I have discovered that my lifelong issues are associated with Aspergers. I have not been officially diagnosed, but I have an appointment with a specialist and I'm a shoe-in. This is a new start for me. So many of my friends have been Aspies and I never made the connection. If the people who understand you best are all Aspies, then you need to look into it. I was thrown off for so long for two reasons: the symptoms are different for girls and I didn't want to be labeled as somehow mentally feeble or constitutionally weak. I've been lectured by idiots that women are prone to claiming "victimhood." It turns out sleazy people can see me coming a mile away and I have trouble understanding who is only acting friendly and who is really a good person. Therefore, predatory people consistently "victimize" me although I have been very brave and adaptive over the years.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh very, very much welcome from one undiagnosed aspie to another undiagnosed aspie!

You have just succeeded explaining exactly what I have not been able to explain and that is not recognising a decent person to a false person and have tripped over many times and yes, get victimized over it!

This woman came to see me in hospital; well she didn't, but a friend wanted to visit me ( she has proved to be a friend due to what that consists of) and she was with her and so came to see me. I felt disgusting, as I needed a wash and was not allowed to, so said how it was and on seeing me, she was so nice and gentle and assured me that I looked great, despite everything and in truth, I was spilling over with good feelings about her and even more so, when I heard she wanted my phone number, which spelled: I like you! What a mistake I made! On coming out of hospital, I thought: oh she is so nice that I have made a friend and actually, she was the complete opposite. My friend invited my husband and me over for a meal and said that this woman and her husband was invited to and I did not panic at all and was looking forward to it, but she absolutely IGNORED me all evening! She just gave me very quick glances but did not aim any conversation towards me and it devastated me and felt so ill that I just wanted to go home and since then, she has become my enemy! I have tried to be nice to her, because we are both christians and so, have no choice but "be in her company". Anyway, she is so sickly sweet toward's me that it makes me want to just scream at her. We have tried inviting her and her husband to our home and each time, something comes up, which really, sounds reasonable enough, that stops them coming over, but recently we were assigned to clean our hall's toilets and I admitted I groaned inwards when the brother said that she could help me! I took courage and I have to admit, I was not proud of my reaction, because I acted like a child ie I put my hand on her arm and asked her if she was free for a set date and she said: not sure, but will check and then said: we keep turning you down, you must think we do not like you? Well, in truth, it would have been a perfect opportunity to say: well, since you ask, I do wonder if I have done something to upset you? But instead, I just smiled and said that it was not a problem! What on earth?! I am not proud of myself at all!

The problem is that I feel so disarmed when faced with female attitude, that I cannot be myself.

It is so difficult to discern a friend to a foe and so, I end up just not bothering with friendships.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Greetings!

I didn't want to be labeled as somehow mentally feeble or constitutionally weak.

Nah, that has nothing to do with being autistic. If we do ever get viewed as that it's because those people aren't recognising our strengths. We have trouble adapting to a society that isn't built for us. It's no different as viewing a person in a wheelchair as incompetent because they can't get up steps.

"If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

I've been lectured by idiots that women are prone to claiming "victimhood."

Yes, these are the same people who have never faced discrimination once in their lives and have no right to talk about it.

 

[Warmheart]

Welcome here, Illuminatas ! I'm hoping you jump right in and feel comfortable on AC.

 

[ksheehan88]

Welcome Illuminatas

 

[WereBear]

I think we can learn to spot the liars and the ones who wish to manipulate. No one teaches us... just as no one teaches the NTs, either.

But I'm pretty good at it. We can learn!

 

[Illuminatas]

Oh very, very much welcome from one undiagnosed aspie to another undiagnosed aspie!

You have just succeeded explaining exactly what I have not been able to explain and that is not recognising a decent person to a false person and have tripped over many times and yes, get victimized over it!

This woman came to see me in hospital; well she didn't, but a friend wanted to visit me ( she has proved to be a friend due to what that consists of) and she was with her and so came to see me. I felt disgusting, as I needed a wash and was not allowed to, so said how it was and on seeing me, she was so nice and gentle and assured me that I looked great, despite everything and in truth, I was spilling over with good feelings about her and even more so, when I heard she wanted my phone number, which spelled: I like you! What a mistake I made! On coming out of hospital, I thought: oh she is so nice that I have made a friend and actually, she was the complete opposite. My friend invited my husband and me over for a meal and said that this woman and her husband was invited to and I did not panic at all and was looking forward to it, but she absolutely IGNORED me all evening! She just gave me very quick glances but did not aim any conversation towards me and it devastated me and felt so ill that I just wanted to go home and since then, she has become my enemy! I have tried to be nice to her, because we are both christians and so, have no choice but "be in her company". Anyway, she is so sickly sweet toward's me that it makes me want to just scream at her. We have tried inviting her and her husband to our home and each time, something comes up, which really, sounds reasonable enough, that stops them coming over, but recently we were assigned to clean our hall's toilets and I admitted I groaned inwards when the brother said that she could help me! I took courage and I have to admit, I was not proud of my reaction, because I acted like a child ie I put my hand on her arm and asked her if she was free for a set date and she said: not sure, but will check and then said: we keep turning you down, you must think we do not like you? Well, in truth, it would have been a perfect opportunity to say: well, since you ask, I do wonder if I have done something to upset you? But instead, I just smiled and said that it was not a problem! What on earth?! I am not proud of myself at all!

The problem is that I feel so disarmed when faced with female attitude, that I cannot be myself.

It is so difficult to discern a friend to a foe and so, I end up just not bothering with friendships.

 

[korbin]

hello

 

[Full Steam]

Learning to spot liars isn't hard, you just need to learn it. There's heaps of videos and books that will help.

I've gone the other way from you. None of my friends were Aspies. I diagnosed my self and then realise that most of my old friends probably are actually Aspies after all.

I like to think they (we/me) are just a little less boring.

 

[Kristyn]

Learning to spot liars isn't hard, you just need to learn it. There's heaps of videos and books that will help.

I've gone the other way from you. None of my friends were Aspies. I diagnosed my self and then realise that most of my old friends probably are actually Aspies after all.

I like to think they (we/me) are just a little less boring.

Learning to spot liars can be exceptionally difficult for those on the spectrum. Difficulty interpreting social cues is literally a diagnostic criteria for ASD. I've had a lot of help from professionals and I honestly still feel lost a lot of the time. I can't tell the difference between sarcasm or being serious, let alone discern a very good liar.

I'm not saying you're not autistic, but self diagnosis isn't accurate. Many symptoms of ASD overlap with symptoms of other disorders, so just having the symptoms isn't enough. That's why it's so important to see a professional so they can assess you objectively. Also please don't diagnose your friends either.

 

[Full Steam]

Learning to spot liars can be exceptionally difficult for those on the spectrum. Difficulty interpreting social cues is literally a diagnostic criteria for ASD. I've had a lot of help from professionals and I honestly still feel lost a lot of the time. I can't tell the difference between sarcasm or being serious, let alone discern a very good liar.

Sorry, I was probably too abrupt. I find I can spot liars in a number of ways. Firstly they look down and to the left when lying, and secondly big liars are also often hugely ego driven. The more people talk about their own greatness and their own honesty the less I trust them.

Those points don't need social skills, and you can practice them while watching TV. I've done that for years, and it's helpful and amusing.

Some people are great liars and won't have tell tale signs, but they mostly still have big egos. Othewise why be a liar?

I'm not saying you're not autistic, but self diagnosis isn't accurate. Many symptoms of ASD overlap with symptoms of other disorders, so just having the symptoms isn't enough. That's why it's so important to see a professional so they can assess you objectively. Also please don't diagnose your friends either.

That come across as quite condesccending. Please don't judge me without knowing anything about me. No one who knows me well would ever think that of me.

I have no intention of seeking a professional opinion. I trust my own analysis enough and unless you know more about me you have no way to judge whether that's enough or not to be accurate.

 

[Suzanne]

Learning to spot liars can be exceptionally difficult for those on the spectrum. Difficulty interpreting social cues is literally a diagnostic criteria for ASD. I've had a lot of help from professionals and I honestly still feel lost a lot of the time. I can't tell the difference between sarcasm or being serious, let alone discern a very good liar.

I'm not saying you're not autistic, but self diagnosis isn't accurate. Many symptoms of ASD overlap with symptoms of other disorders, so just having the symptoms isn't enough. That's why it's so important to see a professional so they can assess you objectively. Also please don't diagnose your friends either.

I cannot actually agree with you, Kristyn. When one finds out about aspergers in later life, they have tended to learn when younger. I certainly remember that I was really blind to reading faces and often left very disappointed when I thought they were being authentic, but find out that they were being the opposite!

But now, I read too easily and can tell when someone is being artificial; what I have trouble discerning is the element of what type of look they are giving, but recognising it is not a kind look.

Also, all who have self diagnosed themselves by a test online, find when they finally get an official diagnosis, that they are indeed aspies.

If anything, people are wrongly diagnosed with other disorders, when it has been found to be aspergers.

I do not have a monontoned voice and staring eyes or bland features. It is only when people get to know me, they see traits and even those who mock me because I was stupid to say I was not diagnosed, have come to realise that there is something different and one even uses heavy sarcasm on me, but it is completely lost! It is only when this person says to me: it meant nothing to you, didn't it? I was using sarcasm on you!

There is a wonderful saying on here: you meet one aspie, you meet - one aspie. It is also called on the spectrum for a reason, which means that we all have varying degrees of traits. Take: full steam for example: he can just about cope with 3 people. I cannot even cope with a second person. I can only deal with one to one, so does that make me an aspie and him not? And yet, both of us are self diagnosed and have taken the test to say that we are most likely aspies.

This is a forum for encouragement and to feel safe in!

 

[Kristyn]

I cannot agree with self diagnosis. I hope you can respect that.

I know a lot of autistics find out about it first by reading about it online, then seeing a professional. That is completely fine. However, diagnosing yourself and willfully rejecting professional treatment isn't productive. If you do not have access, I feel for you, but self dx still isn't the answer. It is 100% fine to say "I feel I may have ASD and am exploring the possibility." However, I have a problem with people saying "I have autism" if they have not actually been diagnosed.

Only a professional can offer objective evaluation. You may have autistic traits, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have the disorder. Everyone has autistic traits to some degree.

There are many symptoms that overlap with ASD, and self dx prevents one from finding out exactly what they have. It is simply untrue to say that all people who self dx based on self-administered tests get a diagnosis. In the study below 73% of 476 adults referred to a dx center actually received a diagnosis. These are people that already were referred for the possibility of having it by a professional. 27% of them who suspected it didn't actually have it. Self dx simply isn't accurate.

Some adults in the study without ASD actually had an anxiety disorder. It's very important to get the right treatment in order to improve symptoms. A diagnosis is a tool to guide treatment. On its own, it's not entirely useful.

Predicting the diagnosis of autism in adults using the Autism-Spectrum Quotient (AQ) questionnaire

 

[Kristyn]

I just realized this post was in the "introduce yourself" forum, not the general discussion one. My comments were probably not appropriate. My apologies.
Welcome to the forum

 

[Full Steam]

We'll have to agree to disagree.

My view is that Apergers and autism are purely imaginary concepts any way.

They are useful to me because they help me find people like me and help in finding food, supplements and actions that help.

The fact that medical science can give me the same diagnosis will not change any of the above, neither will it validate nor invalidate the imaginary concept I have taken to be a description of how my mind works.

You're drunk too much at the fountain of materialist medicine. It is neither infallible, nor essential. (it's the third biggest cause of death in the US).

I don't discount it's utility, but I see it as a tool I can use. no one will ever again tell me I HAVE to do anything, because that is blatantly untrue.

My diagnosis is more valid to me than any doctors since the medical approached has failed to help me very much at all.

I have already bee diagnosed by the one person best positioned in the world to do that; me.

 

[Full Steam]

I just realized this post was in the "introduce yourself" forum, not the general discussion one. My comments were probably not appropriate. My apologies.
Welcome to the forum

Agreed; sorry for arguing on your thread.

 

[WereBear]

I cannot agree with self diagnosis. I hope you can respect that.

You can feel that way. I feel the opposite.

It's not like anyone peers through a microscope and says, "Lookie there. Autism." It's a behavioral diagnosis more than anything. And that is subject to interpretation.

No one would have EVER suspected autism in my case. I had been to doctors and specialists and psychologists without ever approaching what turned out to be right. I had to do it myself. And I knew within minutes of finding my first test.

Especially for women. Right now, autism criteria is heavily skewed towards male behavior. So I had to search very carefully for an official diagnostician who was able to understand how it manifests in women. I got an official diagnosis.

But if someone thinks they have autism, and uses autism strategies, and they work... what is the harm? We know so little about it. This is how knowledge advances, after all.

 

[WittyAspie]

Welcome to AC!