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Just realized

Daniel

Daniel

Well-Known Member
Just realized I'm probably an aspie! My mind is pretty blown right now. I'm going back through my life, looking at all the weird stuff I did when I was a kid, through high school and university, and if I'm not an aspie, I've acted in a lot of strange ways that might as well make me one.

I'm finding that it has made me feel a hell of a lot better to self-identify as having Asperger's. Otherwise, I'm just a moody, cold, unfriendly, aloof weird guy. It feels like for the first time, I can really embrace my unique qualities. I've suffered from depression, and I've hated being me, never fitting in anywhere. But stuff people are writing on here feels very familiar, and that's nice for a change!

I'm 32, and I'm one year into my first full-time, permanent job. I just thought I had poor social skills, and I made myself a bit more normal, enough to improve the quality of my life. I knew I was behind where (I thought) I could be in terms of a career, but I never knew that was an Asperger's thing; I just thought I hadn't figured out what I wanted to do yet.

I improved my application and interview skills enough to get a corporate-type job, and working in an open-concept office with dozens of other people has made me realize just how different I am. I've made an appointment with my doctor because I just had my very first panic attack, in response to the overwhelming social demands of the company holiday party. Not really looking for meds or treatment; I think what really appeals to me is being able to explain myself to people. I think they would be more forgiving.

Thanks to everyone else here for sharing. It's been a pleasure to read you.
 
I know exactly what you're talking about - I had that sudden realization too! You know, the one that basically explains your entire life. It doesn't change anything, but it sure does make a person feel better to know there's a reason for such weirdness. Welcome. :)
 
SallySlips said:
I know exactly what you're talking about - I had that sudden realization too! You know, the one that basically explains your entire life. It doesn't change anything, but it sure does make a person feel better to know there's a reason for such weirdness. Welcome. :)
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Thank you! :)

Yeah, it's so neat... I'm still the same person I've always been, but now I know there's nothing wrong with being the way I am.

I think that's why regardless of what anyone else says or thinks or diagnoses or doesn't diagnose, I will gladly identify myself as an aspie. I still face the same challenges I always faced, but yeah--it really helps to have the veil of mystery lifted!
 
And the great thing is now that you know what the issue is, you can better explain to others why you do the things you do, and think up certain ways to work around them. I know it has definitely made my life a lot easier.
 
SallySlips said:
And the great thing is now that you know what the issue is, you can better explain to others why you do the things you do, and think up certain ways to work around them. I know it has definitely made my life a lot easier.
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Yeah, it's already been good for me in that way. Today I told the guy next to me, and though it blew his mind at the time, he's been much more comfortable with me. It's so handy to have something to point to; something people can just Google.

I'm looking forward to having more of these conversations--when the time is right. Don't want to go all aspie-overkill on it...though the urge is tremendous! Geez, I'm going to get all into having Asperger's now...I can feel it coming on...

"Now I know, and knowing is half the battle"
-- G.I. Joe
 
Thank you for the greetings, IContainMultitudes, SallySlips, NeverEnder, and music.forlife7! It's nice to find a place where I feel comfortable sharing.
 
You're welcome! If you ever feel alone about anything, or need some advice. Message one of us and we will do our best to help you. Having autism can be hard, but it's easier when others have it right song with you
 
Welcome to AC. It really was a relief to me finding out, and just learning about it, both my boyfriend and my therapist said they had seen alot of improvement in my mood since I found out. Asperger's has kind of become one of my special interests now.
 
Thanks, Pella! I'm quite moody, but when I figured it out, it felt like I got an emotional "level-up", if you know what I mean. I feel much better about myself in general, much more comfortable being me.

I may still be a mystery to others, but I'm much less a mystery to myself!
 
I agree! Except I'm only 18... But still, I was always that weird, awkward, cold kid, who would sit around and talk to his objects of interest or would play games all alone. And in school, I would never stick with the same people for long, they are all immature, and boring to say the least. I would always group hop. I only had 2 true friends, which I don't even have them anymore. Anyway, so your saying not knowing what to do in the future is an AS thing, really? I didn't know that, at all. I thought that was just me.
 
Zephyr said:
I agree! Except I'm only 18... But still, I was always that weird, awkward, cold kid, who would sit around and talk to his objects of interest or would play games all alone. And in school, I would never stick with the same people for long, they are all immature, and boring to say the least. I would always group hop. I only had 2 true friends, which I don't even have them anymore. Anyway, so your saying not knowing what to do in the future is an AS thing, really? I didn't know that, at all. I thought that was just me.
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I was a group hopper as well. As a kid I had serial best friends. I think it was that I would find one person with whom I naturally fit and stick with them. Then in high school I stayed kind of a free agent, with lots of loose associations with people, and a few closer friends with whom I could have conversations that I liked. At one point, I found out what people thought about me--he's nice, but he's mysterious. I guess I had a breadth of associations, but little depth of friendships. Little enough to feel quite isolated, and always on the outside of wherever I was.

I'm not sure what you're looking to know here -- "Anyway, so your saying not knowing what to do in the future is an AS thing, really? I didn't know that, at all. I thought that was just me." Do you mind expanding and/or clarifying? I don't know where I would have said that.

Communication is so weird. I actually have a degree in Communication Studies.
 
Oh, wait -- I read back to the beginning; I see it! No, what I meant there was that I read that a lot of people with Asperger's have difficulties in their career because of how they are perceived by others (i.e. NTs). I was really slow getting out there and working. I couldn't get good jobs. I was terrible at interviews.

After high school I took whatever jobs I could, and I went to school for things a few times to try to make myself more employable, but I knew that other people my age were already in good, career-track positions and starting their lives and had cars and money, while I was still trying to figure out where I was going. I had no career ambition; I just wanted to do the things I liked. I loved playing music but I didn't have the energy or sense to do the social part of it. During and after school, I went through several temporary and casual positions, most of which below my level of education. Every once in a while I'd score an interview for a job that required someone with my level of education, but I look back now, knowing what Asperger's is, and wow, no wonder I didn't have any success.

I've realized now what the issue was--I don't naturally come off like a good team member. In the traditional, NT sense, I'm not. I'll admit that! I can be, though, and I was often good at the work wherever I ended up once I got my foot in the door (there were a few disasters, too).
 
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I find that all that in quite cognition of the same palpation as I. But, when I say I didn't know that I didn't know what to do in the future. I mean, as in, I am extremely good at just about anything I try; jack of all trades. But the problem is, I can be a B+ at anything I do, but I am no master at anything but music; especially guitar. But other than that, I don't know what I want to do. I am good at all things academic, if it's something I don't know, I can learn it, and then utilize whatever that knowledge is quite efficiently. Problem is, I can't fathom doing the same thing for the rest of my life, it's sounds jaded doing the same thing over and over. As most aspies find comfort in routine, I do too, but for some reason, doing the same thing over; repetition, I find routine to be comforting, but doing the same thing for too long is just boring as hell. So I can't figure out what to do for a career. I know I want and need college, I just don't know what my A+ skill is, ya' know?
 
Yes, exactly! I was good at everything in school, and guidance counselor-type people would tell me I could do anything I want, and I'm thinking, "that doesn't help me at all!"
 
Yea, that really didn't hep me either, Instead, they put me in utterly useless classes they thought was useful, and I skipped most of 12th grade because of it. .-. And ironically, I hate technology. Aspie stereotype pleads that most of us like PC's and tech, and all that black magic. But modern technology has always failed me in one way or another, so I mostly hate and don't want to acknowledge or comprehend most modern tech because It somehow fails me one way or another, so why learn and waste my time?
 
Daniel,

I know where you are coming from. Finding out about my Asperger's was an epiphany for me too. Someone recently asked me if I resent being "labeled" with Asperger's. My reply was definitively, NO. The diagnosis has enormous explanatory value, when I think back over events in my life that always puzzled me and how people would often respond to me in ways that made no sense to me at the time.
 
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