Just received diagnosis

[Dave-V]

It's 4 o'clock in the morning, I've been awake for 45 minutes but can't imagine getting back to sleep. I received my diagnosis yesterday and my head is swirling.

It's been around 15 months since my counsellor asked whether I'd ever been assessed for autism, and it's been a learning process since then. Many symptoms fitted me like a glove: I'd read posts or blogs and could identify exactly with the feelings expressed. Yet other scenarios I struggle to relate to, and this uncertainty led me seek a diagnosis.

When I attempted to raise the subject with my GP it was dismissed out of hand. I'm 57 and he couldn't see why I'd want a diagnosis or what use it could be. Fortunately I later discovered Liverpool has a specialist Asperger Teamwho accept self-referrals. They have been so helpful.

I was by no means certain of the outcome and hadn't expected to receive a diagnosis yesterday, so was left feeling somewhat stunned. As I now start to think back, the diagnosis sheds a new perspective on childhood and adolescent experiences, and I'm starting to feelemotionalas understand these in a new light.

I can appreciate why people talk of a grieving process after diagnosis. Although the diagnosis only confirms what I suspected, it has changed everything and, at the same time, nothing. However, I do believe it will empower me for the future.

 

[Datura]

Congratulations on achieving some degree of clarity. May it bring you peace.

 

[S0093679]

Hi Dave

Welcome to the forum! Sorry you had this experience with the doctor. Sadly, it is such a common experience across the medical profession for many of us autie/aspie types. I found that my diagnosis has given me freedom to accept my quirks, but to start with I was very much in a quandary. I knew that I was aspie before my diagnosis, but still, when the time came, it was a surprise and I went through a period of confusion and anger at society, the doctor, the mental health services.... you name it. Emotionally it can be complicated to sort through the implications of having an autistic spectrum disorder and it changes over time.

I hope that you will be able to work through life with better understanding of yourself now and like Datura says, I hope that you find peace <- here's a whale to help you with the peace-finding

 

[StephF]

Hello Dave, hope your new diagnosis will help you to understand that you are different not faulty.

Now you can start to make sense of your life, good luck

 

[Progster]

Congratulations on your diagnosis Some GPs completely miss the point of a diagnosis, that it's not always about applying for benefits or medical assistance, sometimes people just need to know for peace of mind.

 

[metalminx24]

So many 'professionals' are so dismissive. Arsehats. I'm pleased for you

 

[Aspieistj]

I'm 71 now and didn't learn my diagnosis until I was in my early 60s. There is an element of satisfaction in knowing what is "wrong" with me, but also a lot of anger at not being diagnosed years earlier and the sadness to have to accept I have a disability and received zero help for so long. It does help to KNOW that I am not bad, disagreeable, inflexible, and all the other negative labels I received during a lifetime on pain and not understanding why I never fit in anywhere. I hope the professional diagnosis brings you some measure of peace and understanding.

 

[Beverly]

I think it's harder being diagnosed late in life, especially if you are one of those successful, self supporting, mature, maybe even getting wise in your old age types. We generally tend to pass quite well - we have learned a ting or two over the years. Even for professionals, it's hard to see people like us as being on the spectrum.

Knowing does give us a level of personal understanding we lacked before, we can better see how ASD is affecting all aspects of our lives, and, as a result we learn to compensate even better for it - we get even better at passing and, for me figuring it out and learning about that aspect of myself enabled me to be more confident socially, I knew what thinking and what shortcomings to look for in myself and, that made it easier to "correct" those things for the eyes and ears of NTs.

It is a learning curve but, yes it is empowering once you get past that initial hum in the learning curve and, being older and able to be a bit more objective of yourself means, that goes faster for you than it would for a younger person still working on the self objective thing.

 

[Dave-V]

Thanks for your kind and supportive thoughts.

The initial shock has passed and the sadness is receding. I feel a bit hard done to, but it's hard to feel angry about not being diagnosed when Aspergers wasn't even recognised until I was turned 30!

The important thing is it's turning on a spotlight, explaining why I have the difficulties and hopefully providing strategies for the future.

I'm beginning to realise that receipt of the diagnosis is finally allowing me accept I do have Aspergers, and consequently I'm relating to the Aspergers books, blogs and web sites in a completely new way: this isn't theoretical any more - it really is about me!

It really seems that things can only get better!!!