Just Sick and Tired (Vent Warning)

[Antaus]

There are days I really hate being me. I'm so sick of having to live in a world that wasn't designed for me. I don't fit in anywhere, I've never belonged. Even though I can function in the world, I've never really been a part of it. I get to watch everyone else have a life while I'm stuck on the sidelines.

I don't get to be normal. I'm also tired of being expected to fit everyone else's expectations. I don't think, act, or see the world like 'normal' people. I'm not normal, and I never will be. I seem to be swinging between angry and depressed lately. In recent years it's pushed me to the point of not wanting to be a part of society.

I'm tired of trying to fit in and being rejected. I have a genius level IQ and that seems to put people off too. Most conversations revolve around money, cars, work, drugs, and other mundane crap. I have no interest in any of this.

I study advanced sciences is the hobby, I need things that are intellectually stimulating to keep me interested. Very few people seem to have any interest in this. I've stopped hiding the fact I'm far more intelligent than most people. Can't carry on a conversation about the time dilation effect caused by a black hole's gravity? Not my problem.

In case it wasn't obvious throughout, I'm a tad ticked off at the moment.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I can relate. Many gifted people feel like that, autists or not. They all have that "nobody to talk interesting stuff with".

We have very intelligent people here in the forum. Not sure if Genious IQ, but they discuss and enjoy talking about "non common topics".

Its not a gifted people forum, but may work for you in some way.

Welcome.

 

[Shamar]

There are days I really hate being me. I'm so sick of having to live in a world that wasn't designed for me. I don't fit in anywhere, I've never belonged. Even though I can function in the world, I've never really been a part of it. I get to watch everyone else have a life while I'm stuck on the sidelines.

I don't get to be normal. I'm also tired of being expected to fit everyone else's expectations. I don't think, act, or see the world like 'normal' people. I'm not normal, and I never will be. I seem to be swinging between angry and depressed lately. In recent years it's pushed me to the point of not wanting to be a part of society.

I'm tired of trying to fit in and being rejected. I have a genius level IQ and that seems to put people off too. Most conversations revolve around money, cars, work, drugs, and other mundane crap. I have no interest in any of this.

I study advanced sciences is the hobby, I need things that are intellectually stimulating to keep me interested. Very few people seem to have any interest in this. I've stopped hiding the fact I'm far more intelligent than most people. Can't carry on a conversation about the time dilation effect caused by a black hole's gravity? Not my problem.

In case it wasn't obvious throughout, I'm a tad ticked off at the moment.

Welcome to the only place you are likely to feel at home. I was diagnosed at age 60, and it was a job counselor who noticed and set up the diagnosis. A dozen mental health professional failed to notice it, despite a list of symptoms that read like the diagnostic criteria. I suggest you take the Aspie Quiz and the RAADS test to learn a bit more about yourself, or at least confirm your suspicions.

Like you, I could never fit in. A lot of times I was not even allowed to. When I tried to be someone else to fit in, it was usually a spectacular failure. I eventually dropped out of society. I have no friends and no social life, and tend to prefer it that way. I was rarely allowed to really use my brain, unless there was a particularly vexing problem, and then they gave it to me and I could always figure it out. Once I questioned one of the fundamental assumptions we were working under (Do Maxwell's Field Equations apply to square waves the same way as sine waves?) and was told "You may be right, but we won't test it because if you are right, it will raise too many problems."

Good luck on your new path.

 

[paloftoon]

Try meetup.com and maybe you can find a group you can travel to where it would fit your miniscule interests enough to find enough commonality to talk or at least share with others. When you share, also be willing to listen and learn from others as well.

 

[Progster]

I can certainly relate to being bored by mundane, small talk type conversations.

 

[All-Rounder]

"Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd, Nor hell a fury, like a genius scorn'd."

From what I have seen many people here have higher than normal by a bunch IQ.

"intellectually stimulating to keep me interested" - I heard people say that quite often here but I still don't understand it much, like I am a person who thrives on relaxing my mind, after all that life has to offer, I can find no greater interest in shutting my mind down, whether it's autistic or ADHD hyperfocus.
Especialy happens when im with someone really awesome and nice, whom i love, because I just enjoy being with them so much nothing else is required. But, that gets me into trouble.

"I stopped hiding I'm far more intelligent than most people." - is there a benefit with that? I mean, depends I guess, on the site it might be better than externally.

"time dilation effect caused by a black hole's gravity?" - When i was 17 I was really into black holes, it was such an interesting mystery to me and I tried to learn anything I could find about it to make sense of how the hole works. I still have endearment for them, and I'm not much into Physics otherwise, maybe quantum laws seem more interesting than massive object ones which we all can experience daily to some level.

Oh, I remember, when youre within the field of a black hole, then time stops, and it is the only spot known where time does that. You would think that something would happen due to it, but not much seems to be happening simply when time isnt flowing, that I know of. Mostly it's the powerful black hole which is able to affect the laws, which make planets so cool because if we think we're tied to the universal laws, we can actually defy them in a way or the other, well, who knows if we, but they anyway.

Much like alchemy, science can be magical.

 

[All-Rounder]

You know, typically us autistic people have deeper emotions than the typical people, and we have a harder time processing them, too. It's no wonder if our problems mainly stem from the emotional side of things.

 

[All-Rounder]

I have noticed that not much happens if I stop trying to hide that I have amongst the lowest IQs on here, and that was with the tests which have less math, due to my dyscalculia I score higher with things which don't have that. To think that my ex was a human computer. Guess there's a lot of variety in the community.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Many people on the community love animals more than humans... Who cares about the IQ...

 

[Progster]

I have no idea what my IQ is.

 

[Rodafina]

I have no idea what my IQ is.

Likewise.

Sometimes, I feel very intelligent and other times, I feel downright dumb.

 

[Luca]

I have no idea what my IQ is.

I have no idea what mine is either, and the opinions other people have on how intelligent, or not intelligent, I am vary pretty widely.
In some areas I think I'm definitely above average, but in other areas I feel like a fifth grader could outsmart me. But apparently it's common for autistic people to have big gaps in different types of intelligence and skill levels. There is a term for it that I know people have used on here but I can't remember it.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

I don't have a known IQ score, and to be honest, I don't particularly want to have one. IQ has always seemed extremely reductive. People are different and have their own strength and weaknesses which develop over time, so it doesn't make any sense to me to have a scale from "higher" to "lower" which is used to measure "intelligence" (whatever that even means).

I like talking about all sorts of topics as long as either I or the person I'm speaking to is passionate about it. I really enjoy being social, but for me it's not "just because", there has to be some sort of connection. I definitely relate to what @All-Rounder said about relaxing her mind. I also prefer activities where I can passively learn or observe something to intense "intelligent" discussions.

"I stopped hiding I'm far more intelligent than most people." - is there a benefit with that?

I don't think I'm any more "intelligent" than others, but I do see a benefit of hiding how much you know. To me, it lowers other's expectations of you, and I would much rather surprise them by doing better than they expect than give them too high expectations of me which I then fail to live up to. The latter is way more stressful as well, which might well cause me to do worse than I otherwise would. I don't do that on the forums though, as what people think of me here doesn't matter in material terms.

But apparently it's common for autistic people to have big gaps in different types of intelligence and skill levels. There is a term for it that I know people have used on here but I can't remember it.

Asymmetric intelligence.

@Antaus I concur with others here that you can have plenty of intelligent discussions with people on the forums, whether through creating threads or sending private messages to people with the same interests as you (and there are plenty here who share them). I do think however that your struggles in communication might have more to do with a lack of connection (which is very common in autists-allistic communication) rather than others being dumb. There is a real possibility that people in your life think you are the dumb one for not following the right social protocols.

I might be wrong though. My ex was really frustrated by the lack of deep math conversations she could have with people (including me). She is a math savant and craved intellectual stimulation. She isn't like that anymore. A part of it is likely being embedded in university life where she can have those discussion and a part of it is resolving some trauma so she has an easier time relaxing. It's just something to consider. I wish you the best.

 

[Luca]

Asymmetric intelligence.

Thanks It was either you or Atrapa Almas who introduced the term to me, I just couldn't remember it.
Memory not being one of my big areas of "intelligence" either, unless it is very long term, or visually significant. I can remember things from when I was three years old, and I can tell you what the interior of every one of my friends' homes looks like, but I cannot remember details like this from past threads or conversations.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I have huge memory gaps, and problems with names and faces untill I have spent quite a lot of time with that person. My "special dates and birthdays" part of the brain is missing.

So yeah, good at some things, bad at others. Like everybody else.