Just turning up or having an time of arrival?

[Suzanne]

I thought I want to know when people are coming to see me, but when that did happen, I discovered, in fact, it is best that it just happens, because that way, I do not have time to be anxious.

Also, hate it when people say: I will be there around such and such a time. That so confuses me.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

So, basically, you get anxious meeting people. The time perspective doesn't matter.

I agree, though, I wish more people are prompt and are there when they say they are going to be there. I too, don't like this nebulous "I will be there between 9 and 12",...so basically I am supposed to put my life on hold while I wait for you to show up?

 

[Suzanne]

So, basically, you get anxious meeting people. The time perspective doesn't matter.

I agree, though, I wish more people are prompt and are there when they say they are going to be there. I too, don't like this nebulous "I will be there between 9 and 12",...so basically I am supposed to put my life on hold while I wait for you to show up?

Suffer social anxiety, so yes, do get anxious meeting people and hate that too ie will be there between such and such an hour, because, as you say, have to put our live on hold whilst waiting.

 

[Suzette]

I completely agree with nebulous time frames.
People assume being casual is somehow more friendly but, to me, it is really selfish. I am not an inanimate object. I have needs and things to do too.

I drive my mother crazy with my need to schedule times. But she tends to leave me hanging and waiting. I just don't let her get away with it any more.

 

[Trophonius]

I don't like people coming unannounced, because it's likely I'm doing something else that I will have to interrupt, such as reading or watching a movie. I also dislike if people are not on time; if it's family, I'm more likely to pretend I had to leave if they arrive to late for whatever nonsensical reason they had to come. With friends I'm more permissive, but maybe because I have friends that are only rarely late.

 

[LadyS]

I also hate it when people say they're coming and you wait and wait and then they cancel at the last minute for a less than good reason. That's why I don't make any promises of showing up unless I'm 100% sure.

 

[PastelPetals]

I am ok with a time frame of up to a half hour if it's a casual meet up not in public. Restaurants and coffee shops make me anxious alone so they must be prompt. Also for me I need time to get ready and so I plan my day around social things if I have them and it's a bit insulting to be late to a thing I worked hard for. I think some people don't stress over timing or think they are being friendly or flexible but I like things being on time or else it knocks the rest of the day off. I can schedule a day before or even that day if I have a good amount of hours to prepare but no coming unannounced.

 

[Misery]

I think I would probably drive you crazy then, if we knew each other IRL.

I'm the sort that will say things like "Well, sure, I'll come over around like 3. Maybe 4? There's traffic and I might get distracted by shiny things so perhaps 5. Also my back hurts... look I'll theoretically be over there sometime before you go to bed today."

And then I entirely forget and end up going over there next Tuesday instead at some random time.

Yeah I'm not good with schedules and appointments.

 

[unperson]

yeh, my sister tried that on me, oh I don't want you to get anxious, so I just 'spring it' on you. Naw, she is not a friend, these 'drop ins' end up being a problem. If I just dropped in on her, unanounced, she'd get mad, cos she requires an appointment. It can be people relegating you to an inferior status...oh you are so unimportant you don't need an appointment.

 

[rach3rd]

I hate to be late for appointments and get annoyed if people are late to mine.

 

[Fino]

I think it should be considered a crime to show up unannounced.

 

[Suzanne]

I posted, because a dear spiritual sister text to say that she was popping over to give me some things from the uk ( I live in France) and said that she would be at my home for around 4:30pm. But, in fact, that was my fault, as I tried to be a nt for once and said: can you give me a rough time? So, naturally, she did and it was well past 5pm when she turned up and I was in a complete mess, waiting for her. To the point of standing at front door, playing a game on my phone, so that I would not be caught unawares ( not that I am doing anything bad).

When she finally did turn up, I suggested that it would be easier if she just turned up, but of course, that unhinged her and made her explain why she let me know, which, in turn, made me feel bad for being a pain ( the bain of social anxious and over thinking and paranoia, all rolled into one).

 

[Aspychata]

Count me in. I was suppose to meet someone for drinks on outside patio. I freaked out. It was all men and no woman in that area. I sat on bench in the parking lot and started feeling better immedately.

And i waited about 30 mins and started to leave. She kinda of lied. Now l don't talk to her anymore. Bad friend choice. With friends like that, who needs enemas.

 

[Progster]

I prefer people to let me know when they are arriving in advance, people just turning without notice panics me and I might not answer the door. I don't usually answer the door unless I'm expecting someone.

I don't like vagueness, but far worse is someone saying they will come at x time, and then don't turn up until much later. 10 minutes is ok, but much beyond that, it stresses me out. And now that most people have mobile phones, there's no excuse for it, people can call or send a message that they are going to be late.