Just wondering

[David's mom]

Hi! I am David's mom. I have a son who is 18 years old and has struggled with anxiety and depression most of his life. He is very intelligent; he was his class valedictorian. I homeschooled him in kindergarten and 1st grade. When he was in 2nd grade he went to a Christian School where I taught. He didn't have any trouble with that; however, he only had 3 students in his class and one of them was his cousin. The next year, the school had a lot more students. He started coming to my room almost every day saying he had a stomach ache. I took him to the doctor many times, and all they said was blood work looked normal and that he just seems depressed. Soon the angry outburst started.

His speech tone is normal and I don't remember him being obsessed with just one thing.

He had a stressful childhood. My husband and I fought a lot in front of him. This is something I deeply regret everyday.

He has always been uncomfortable in social situations, and he has trouble looking at people that he doesn't know well when they are talking to him or if he is talking to them. At times I have even noticed him closing his eyes when he speaks to them. He is very good at getting up in a large crowd and speaking, but struggles with one on one conversation.

He also often repeats things over and over again. Although I can't remember him being obsessed with one thing when he was younger, now he is obsessed with buying a motorcycle. He can talk for hours about it.

I'm writing this because I am wondering if anyone has a child that has been diagnosed that doesn't exhibit some of the common symptoms? When my son first started showing symptoms, I was convinced that he had Asperger's, but when I had him tested, they said he didn't.

He is now almost 19 and has been diagnosed with Hashimotos, an autoimmune disease. He received a full scholarship to college, but only lasted on week because he could not handle the stress. Thankfully, they are holding his scholarship until January, and we are seeing a new doctor about his Hashimotos.

I am just wondering if my son's story sounds similar to anyone else's, and if so, could you offer any advice to help me help him.
Thank you,
David's Mom

 

[Nitro]

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[tree]

 

[dragoncat16]

Welcome.

I think you should consider having your son re-evaluated for Aspergers. I'm not a medical expert, but Hashimotos probably wouldn't cause social issues, and can be treated.

What you describe sounds a lot like my own childhood. I also did really well in school and received scholarships, but I enjoyed university immensely once I found my niche. I wasn't obsessed about things either, at least not that anyone would have noticed, and I never had any speech problems. I was only recently diagnosed well into my adulthood, after I already had 5 university degrees including a PhD.

As for going to college, see if the university offers lecture capture, so that he can view the lectures on his own in a comfortable place on the days when he feels too overwhelmed to go to them himself. Try to find out from your son what exactly he found stressful. Perhaps an adjustment in his schedule or enrollment in a few courses that can be taken online would help him. First-year introductory courses can have hundreds of students and that could be overwhelming. It does get better in later years because there are fewer students in the classes. Perhaps noise-cancelling headphones would help with all the sound in the hallways between classes.

I don't know whether the university would be willing to make adjustments for your son without a diagnosis, but then the university might offer it students healthcare services that would help him to be diagnosed and get the adjustments he needs. It would be a shame for a bright individual such as your son to miss out on the opportunity for higher education because he didn't have the proper support that the university should have provided.

 

[Keigan]

Welcome.

I’m 54 now, self diagnosed with Aspergers and Alexithymia less than a year ago.

Your description of your son and his environment is very similar to my own.

As he closes his eyes to speak, he is literally looking for the visual images in his mind that he wants to use to communicate his thoughts, he thinks in pictures.

Speaking to a crowd is easy, because there is no reading of their facial expressions and truly the speaking is all his as it is not really a conversation.

Being sick as a child can be real or it can be a learned behavior, as a learned behavior it gets him out of school for a moment. He probably has many coping mechanisms that he is mimicking observed behavior in order to survive the day. Potentially this helps keep him from melt-downs as he is actively monitoring and managing as best he can.

He will always shy away from confrontation, some day he might not - nothing he wants more than a calm and quiet environment void of yelling, for he can’t deal with the discomfort of confrontation.

These are just my experiences, I hope they help.

I peg the needle on Alexithymic test but that is different than the traits you are describing. I am litely touched by Aspergers and I have incredible respect for my own coping mechanisms. They really stood out as I started to meet others who are Aspie, I found myself saying that I can demonstrate that behavior as mine, though I have monitoring and management to not and to overcome that which society does not accept. Works better at some times than others.

 

[Keigan]

Coping and mimicking examples:

Give your son a Cary Grant movie to watch and he’ll be the most romantic individual in the room.

Place him in a room with a person of Southern accent, he’ll probably adopt the accent very quickly.

Watch your son watch a movie that is filled with emotions, see how he reacts. Is a movie of valor and honor like “Saving Private Ryan” and see how he reacts, talk with him about it, he probably looks up to the primary characters

Obviously make your own choices that are age and value appropriate.

 

[Keigan]

I’m certain that you have done and are doing all that is possible for your child, that is a beautiful thing and something to be proud of.

Welcome to AC, there are lots of good folks here.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome to the group!

As he closes his eyes to speak, he is literally looking for the visual images in his mind that he wants to use to communicate his thoughts, he thinks in pictures.

Speaking to a crowd is easy, because there is no reading of their facial expressions and truly the speaking is all his as it is not really a conversation.

Being sick as a child can be real or it can be a learned behavior, as a learned behavior it gets him out of school for a moment. He probably has many coping mechanisms that he is mimicking observed behavior in order to survive the day.

The above was true for me also and as I was growing up.
Can't look people in the eyes unless it is someone I am really comfortable with.
The closing of eyes to speak at times.
Yet speaking to a crowd is easy. True because it is not a one on one, not really a conversation.
I have been a model, a modeling instructor and parapsychology lecturer.

By age 13 being sick was both real, (when under a lot of stress, anxiety, panic attacks), it effected me physically and still does.
But, also back then in school it was sometimes a coping mechanism to get me out of school when I couldn't handle things.

The only things I can think of to help him as I look back on these experiences is to be understanding and try to talk calmly and intellectually with him.
The more he feels you understand, the more he will trust and open up.
I can tell you one thing: Scolding or whippings will not work. That was the worst possible thing anyone could do to me.
Yes, calm, quiet and understanding are the keys.