Justin

[Sigvarr]

Hello all,

My name is Justin I'm about to be 30... I am currently married my wife asked me to take the online tests for autism I scored between 32-37 depemding on the test being used. Obviously if I made it this far with out being diagnosed I'm fairly high functioning. After the tests I began to realize through researching that I have a few of the "qualities" of some one on the autistic spectrum. This has caused trouble in relationships in the past and is now starting to damage my marriage.... I'm here for help, I don't want to be single again I feel complete but I have this growing fear that my marriage won't be able to take... Me... Forever....

Anyways it's nice to be here...

 

[ancusmitis]

Welcome to the restaurant at the end of the internet

 

[Datura]

Are you seeing a mariage counselor? That may be of more use to you than seeking information on ASD.

I often get the impression that some women jump to the conclusion their husbands are autistic when they aren't as emotionally avaliable as desired. They often site that their husbands aren't romantic enough, neglect important dates like anaversaries and birthdays, don't take enough responsibility for domestic duties, spend too much time tinkering in the garage, watching doccumentaries, playing video games, ext. Not to say that aspies don't do these things, but this is also fairly typical behaviour for neurotypical men.

Perhaps I am jumping to too many conclusions, but I have seen the pattern too many times. I think that some wives use a diagnosis as a means of exerting authority over their husbands. They want to be in a position were they can trump their partner's opinion by pointing out that, "that's just the Asperger's talking. I know you don't understand these things, but trust me, I know better than you.", an attitude which I find infurating because infers that an Asperger's perspective is somehow less valid than a neurotypical one.

Anyway, I do not wish to sew seeds of discontent. I really haven't heard your story yet. You may have very good reason to agree with your wifes suspicions. Nor am I in a position to say she has alterior motives. I merely caution you to exercise a healthy scepticism going forward, and to not cede your position as an equal in your mariage, regardless of your diagnostic status.

 

[Skeleton Canyon]

That shits not always super accurate.
I would just have lied to her tbh.

 

[Sully]

I recommend The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. I used the Overdrive app to download the audio book from the library.