Keeping my energy on the down low

[SimonSays]

I've noticed that when I feel a sense of calmness about me, especially in the way I speak (even dictating speech to text can do it), what comes out of me expresses who I am far more. I say a lot less, but feel like I am being heard more, and I feel this difference through the responses I receive. Things flow. I feel clear. More me.

When I walk really slowly I begin to slow down inside, and to be slow inside helps me understand what is going on out there better, be more present with it, feel more like myself.

But sometimes my energy goes up before I know it. Responding or reacting to what is happening or being said. I feel like I'm going so much faster than I want to be. Too many words can come out of me, which are not always understood. They come out of me but don't really represent me. I have somehow been pulled into another world, as if I have to do it in a way that is not really me, and attempt to do so, unsuccessfully, which seems to be the result of having lost who it is I am.

For a long time I have not experienced much of that down low feeling. I had forgotten how important it is to do so.

Living in the wrong place, around the wrong people, does not help. If I'm not interacting there can be no experience of fulfilling interaction, and I forget all the benefits that come out of doing so when on the down low.

So I have therefore lost my ability to know who I am. And not knowing who I am, makes me susceptible to who someone else is. I do not have protection from their intentions in the way I might otherwise.

So because I can recognise this, it means there is something I can do about it. How do I find the down low when for so long I have become accustomed to reacting too fast? Just because I would like to slow down inside doesn't mean I'm going to. But knowing I can be, even sometimes, makes a difference. It gives me hope.

 

[Suzette]

I relate to this. For me, I count to 5 or 10 before I speak. 5 for mundane things, 10 for a more considered response. This keeps me mindful in the present.
Some people will want to hurry you along "well?" Just ignore them and take your time.

You can do this with conversations, deciding which fork to use, which tomato to buy etc. Anything! No rush. Just breathe a little while longer to keep yourself present.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I think you answered your own question right here

Living in the wrong place, around the wrong people, does not help

We bloom where we are planted, or not. If the living area is a desolate wasteland you may never bloom at all.

Trust intuition to guide you. Sometimes you can find an area that is better for you just by wandering around

 

[SimonSays]

I relate to this. For me, I count to 5 or 10 before I speak. 5 for mundane things, 10 for a more considered response. This keeps me mindful in the present.
Some people will want to hurry you along "well?" Just ignore them and take your time.

You can do this with conversations, deciding which fork to use, which tomato to buy etc. Anything! No rush. Just breathe a little while longer to keep yourself present.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. It has always been an issue for me. I have to be very mindful not to lose my state of presence in the moment. I have always responded quickly. I remember as a kid getting so excited when I had a chance to express myself I would almost be speaking without thinking. I got so little opportunity. My mum was like this...often finishing my sentences as her mind was going so fast she was sure she knew what I would say. I never liked it.

I do this when I stream consciousness into a recording, but there's no pressure or stress in that for me. Sometimes in life it feels like there is a huge tank full of water trying to come through a narrow pipe - there's a lot of pressure to come out. It may explain why it's easier for me to be alone a lot. I always have to control myself and not let too much out at once.

However, there is so much benefit in even adding a few seconds of silence. It seems there are a few things I seem to have lost connection to on the way. A losing of self. Thanks for reminding me.

 

[SimonSays]

Trust intuition to guide you. Sometimes you can find an area that is better for you just by wandering around

True that.
Prolonged stress interferes with intuition though.
I like the idea of wandering around. I know what it's like to be in a world free to wander. There was a time...

 

[Suzette]

@SimonSays
I used to think it was others rushing me. That might be true sometimes but mostly I think I rush myself. For me it is a panicky feeling like there will be some doom if I don't keep up.
I am naturally a slower person. I walk slow, eat slow, I talk slow, I've been slow to figure out life and slow to mature. Counting is my way of maintaining the pace of life that matches me.
I hope you try it.

 

[SimonSays]

For me, I count to 5 or 10 before I speak. 5 for mundane things, 10 for a more considered response. This keeps me mindful in the present.

I can see why it would.

I wanted to ask you something. When you’re counting to 10, do you not know what your answer is and find it along the way, or do you know but count anyway?

I usually know what my answer is to most personal questions before the question has finished being asked. I often have an answer to unexpected questions without thinking too. Having an answer doesn’t mean it’s a good answer, but the habit is to reveal it quickly lest the opportunity to say anything goes. This definitely connects back to childhood when if I didn’t speak quickly I usually didn’t get to speak at all and certainly would not feel heard if I did. My mother was just overwhelming, over powering, intense, as were most of those around me in general.

I hope you try it

I can definitely see the benefits of doing so.

 

[SimonSays]

I hope you try it.

I did. It was a phone call...an assessment for counselling actually. I slowed right down...3-5 second pauses before answering a question. I wasn't always able to internally count, and could feel that 'panicky feeling' you mentioned, but I could feel the pause give me something I really benefited from. I was able to listen to everything she said without needing to say anything, and only spoke when asked a direct question. I really liked how it all went. I will definitely keep practising...

I just wanted to let you know, and to thank you for suggesting it.