Lack Of Attractiveness

[KevinMao133]

Women keep saying I’m not attractive enough

It had nothing to do with looks

I have a good personality I suppose. I’m willing to improve and I’m improving everyday, even if some people don’t see it

Women deem me as unattractive and they don’t even give me a chance

It’s weird how things work sometimes

 

[VictorR]

True beauty is what's in one's heart and head.

If someone is focused on physical attractiveness, you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them as they'd probably "jump ship" if they come across someone they think would make for better "arm candy" - so no loss there.

 

[Thinx]

Well it's some kind of feedback, I suppose. Your other thread could help in explaining this. Many or most people would not feel comfortable with someone who currently behaves the way you describe there. It's great you are looking into it.

You will definitely end up more attractive to others if you can process and reconsider the origins of your beliefs and behaviours in that area. I hope you have therapy or someone to help you with this? Its tough for you, but you are making efforts to be self aware and get to the bottom of all this, within yourself.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I have a strange thought experiment for you: have you ever been the one to give someone else a chance in a relationship? Someone who maybe isn't the prettiest, smartest, skinniest, wealthiest or whatever attributes most people look for?

Why not take a chance on somebody else with a perceived deficit, rather than wait on others to do the same? For all you know, your luck could turn around in an instant - but you won't know until you try.

 

[Luca]

I have a strange thought experiment for you: have you ever been the one to give someone else a chance in a relationship? Someone who maybe isn't the prettiest, smartest, skinniest, wealthiest or whatever attributes most people look for?

Why not take a chance on somebody else with a perceived deficit, rather than wait on others to do the same? For all you know, your luck could turn around in an instant - but you won't know until you try.

Thank you so much for saying what you said here.

If there were more people who thought like you, so many more people who are heartbroken and feel less than valid because people who only want partners who fit an unrealistic arbitrary standard are not willing to give them a chance, would be able to find loving and validating relationships with partners who truly love them for them.

I hope more young people will be brought up with the morals that you have displayed here. Just wanted to say thank you because this post really stood out to me, especially as someone who has struggled with these issues.

 

[KevinMao133]

I have a strange thought experiment for you: have you ever been the one to give someone else a chance in a relationship? Someone who maybe isn't the prettiest, smartest, skinniest, wealthiest or whatever attributes most people look for?

Why not take a chance on somebody else with a perceived deficit, rather than wait on others to do the same? For all you know, your luck could turn around in an instant - but you won't know until you try.

I shall do so

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

When I was feeling isolated and lonely and rejected, my self image and body image took a beating. Even now, and despite some input otherwise, I still do not feel attractive. When I first started breaking out of my cage i found women attractive based on personality and interests. That let me avoid the superficial and concentrate on what I thought is desirable for a relationship. Unconventional, perhaps, yet it led me to meet some interesting women who I thought were pretty, and eventually my spouse. I still find her desirable 44 years later.

 

[Crossbreed]

@KevinMao133,
You know if you get a wife someday that you will have disagreements from time-to-time. They will (most likely) not find your drive to "crush the opposition" endearing...
Just sayin'.

 

[Slim Jim]

breaking out of my cage i found women attractive based on personality and interests. That let me avoid the superficial and concentrate on what I thought is desirable for a relationship. Unconventional, perhaps, yet it led me to meet some interesting women who I thought were pretty, and eventually my spouse. I still find her desirable 44 years later.

How wholesome.

Uh yeah, I think if you like somebody, you will think they look good and you will be attracted to them regardless. Maybe it's a Cognitive distortion, who knows, but a smile can turn me on, just looking into somebody eyes can turn me on, and they don't have to be 'conventional' beauties, I just have to like them, personally.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

How wholesome.

Uh yeah, I think if you like somebody, you will think they look good and you will be attracted to them regardless. Maybe it's a Cognitive distortion, who knows, but a smile can turn me on, just looking into somebody eyes can turn me on, and they don't have to be 'conventional' beauties, I just have to like them, personally.

Wholesome? Mea culpa for being an idealist. That did not stop the attraction from moving towards lust. I just thought of sex as wholesome fun. So, that created quite a dissonance for me. While I thought I had plenty to offer, I was ashamed of not being desirable or wanted by anybody until I met my future spouse. The acceptance was so complete I fell in love with her and thought her beautiful.

 

[Slim Jim]

Wholesomeness is underated.

 

[KevinMao133]

@KevinMao133,
You know if you get a wife someday that you will have disagreements from time-to-time. They will (most likely) not find your drive to "crush the opposition" endearing...
Just sayin'.

people keep labelling me to become someone I’m not. I don’t know who I am anymore

 

[Slime_Punk]

Nature is cruel. My mother dying of cancer and observing my own and my families response to it taught me a thing or two about how strong the drive in people is to engage in self delusion when facing reality head on is to painful to handle. When you are dealing with a lifelong disability (just like having asd being very unattractive is a disability) people just cannot help but delude themselves (or someone else) with false hope or reframing the entire situation to make it more acceptable. Woman may keep rejecting you over your appearance and there may not be much to do about it. I wouldn't take every comment that people write out of the need to protect their world view and go into their self-delusion bubble very serious.

Some people also protect their negativity, though. No?

 

[paloftoon]

Being independent and being able to express yourself on your own help if this isn't already the case.
Having a job of your own, a place to live where you manage totally your own helps a lot.
Also, exercising and being in shape can help a lot.
Confidence and positivity (things I tend not to have so much) can be attractive too.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Women keep saying I’m not attractive enough

It had nothing to do with looks

I have a good personality I suppose. I’m willing to improve and I’m improving everyday, even if some people don’t see it

Women deem me as unattractive and they don’t even give me a chance

It’s weird how things work sometimes

it's all entirely the fault of women like that who are the reason why men with asperger syndrome & autism spectrum disorder cannot be found by anybody,causing my a.c.u.t.e (Absolute Complete Utter Total Extreme) hatred & anger toward all lovey-dovey things in the world .