• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Lack Of Confidence

KevinMao133

KevinMao133

Well-Known Member
Call it societal norms, call it pressure, call it perfectionism, call it however you like

Simply put, I been struggling with confidence my whole life

I’m confident when I’m by myself, but same can’t be said when I’m with others

I try not to compare myself with others as I know everyone lives differently. Subconsciously I do and there are no good solutions

I been asking myself this question: how can I do better? While there are some answers, there isn’t a definitive one

I know a lot of NTs also suffer from various issues, but this kinds of stuff seems more common amongst aspies
 
Your story is not meant to be the same as everyone else's, friend.

Imagine the struggles you've gone through, yet you came out alive on the other side.

Think of the basics, if you have a roof over your head, clothes, food and a bed, you have it pretty good.

There is no timeline that we are all meant to follow.
 
Ikyzor said:
Your story is not meant to be the same as everyone else's, friend.

Imagine the struggles you've gone through, yet you came out alive on the other side.

Think of the basics, if you have a roof over your head, clothes, food and a bed, you have it pretty good.

There is no timeline that we are all meant to follow.
Click to expand...

I know I’m not struggling, yet I constantly feel that way

It’s strange
 
KevinMao133 said:
Call it societal norms, call it pressure, call it perfectionism, call it however you like

Simply put, I been struggling with confidence my whole life

I’m confident when I’m by myself, but same can’t be said when I’m with others

I try not to compare myself with others as I know everyone lives differently. Subconsciously I do and there are no good solutions

I been asking myself this question: how can I do better? While there are some answers, there isn’t a definitive one

I know a lot of NTs also suffer from various issues, but this kinds of stuff seems more common amongst aspies
Click to expand...
Same honestly though... I tend to be quite the actress when I'm off camera or on camera, when nobody else is involved. I enjoy alone time but appear fairly extroverted or interested in others on the surface level :) Deep down though, I am still a softie. Just hardened and grown up a little.
 
I feel like this has become pretty common with everyone, even NTs. They just appear confident because they don't have the same neurological setbacks we do being an NT world it's just easier for them to navigate. It literally has become a "fake it 'til you make it" type of culture. So many are just putting on a show to keep up with a fast-paced success-chasing, overcompensating for lacking culture, all while crumbling on the inside. More of a cynical take on my part, but I think the internet is a big part of it.
 
LadyS said:
I feel like this has become pretty common with everyone, even NTs. They just appear confident because they don't have the same neurological setbacks we do being an NT world it's just easier for them to navigate. It literally has become a "fake it 'til you make it" type of culture. So many are just putting on a show to keep up with a fast-paced success-chasing, overcompensating for lacking culture, all while crumbling on the inside. More of a cynical take on my part, but I think the internet is a big part of it.
Click to expand...
That's relatable :p and very true with the internet
 
I exited that chase a long time ago. To develop confidence in myself I practiced skills in sports where a wrong choice or lack of skill can kill. SCUBA in overhead enviroments including caves and wrecks, Whitewater Open Canoe is some of America's classic Class IV drops, off trail backpacking in the desert Southwest, or, more recently, performance driving. I consider people with displays of unearned confidence to be posers.
 
KevinMao133 said:
I know I’m not struggling, yet I constantly feel that way

It’s strange
Click to expand...

I would say you are struggling and it's both real and ok. (I mean in an empowering way not insulting, in case it doesn't come across). Allow yourself to experience that and don't lie to yourself that everything is fine and that you SHOULD should feel another way. If you feel sad, disappointed, frustrated those are all real feelings and it's normal and healthy to feel them sometimes .

As aspies we all struggle to fit into a world designed around NTs. That's one big struggle by itself and it also sounds like you are struggling with self esteem issues. I am as well btw. I've put a LOT of work into it and still struggle, but it's so much better now.

"I been asking myself this question: how can I do better? While there are some answers, there isn’t a definitive one" I think it might be better to try to rephrase this question and look at it from another side, "how can I feel better about what I have achieved" or "what can I do to make myself FEEL more successful"

Try making a list of a lot of things you have already accomplished and then think about all the big and little hurdles that you overcame that an NT didn't. Just by getting to work or school you probably had sensory issues and social issues you had to deal with and that's before you even did any work. I'm sure the list of both your accomplishments and all the struggles you have overcome is larger then you tell yourself.

For me doing better in the NT world just involved masking, hiding my struggles, burning out and still feeling like I wasn't successful because I knew inside it wasn't me, it was a character I was playing.

When I revaluated I realized I didn't even want the status symbols I was judging myself for not having. And I also realized I'm not money motivated, having more then is required doesn't make me happy. I was struggling to work stressful jobs I didn't like, fighting for promotions I didn't actually want in order to buy stuff I only thought I was expected to have. What I actually wanted and what actually made me feel successful was a less stressful life that allowed me the time for my special interests. Now when I compare myself to others I can see that I have more free time and less stress, looking at it that way I'm better then most of them.
 
This is your life...you choose your path. Facing your weaknesses IS difficult. Your courage is required to move forward in this life. It's hard, I know. I fight it everyday. You can do it...it all starts with you. :)

Take a small step everyday. Challenge yourself to move forward and stay uncomfortable.
 
KevinMao133 said:
Especially social media

I feel like it has became a toxic place for toxic people

I have never downloaded TikTok and won’t download it
Click to expand...
I'm glad you think that cause I'm the same... Some people my age or younger are just blegh when using their language and cyberbullying online. I've experienced it firsthand, both off and on screen.
 
Storm Hess said:
This is your life...you choose your path. Facing your weaknesses IS difficult. Your courage is required to move forward in this life. It's hard, I know. I fight it everyday. You can do it...it all starts with you. :)

Take a small step everyday. Challenge yourself to move forward and stay uncomfortable.
Click to expand...
I'm saving that. Good message :)
 
georgiagalaxy said:
I'm glad you think that cause I'm the same... Some people my age or younger are just blegh when using their language and cyberbullying online. I've experienced it firsthand, both off and on screen.
Click to expand...

I’m in my late 20s

Honestly people in my age are both charming and frustrated

I don’t understand why people feel the need to post everything
 
KevinMao133 said:
I’m in my late 20s

Honestly people in my age are both charming and frustrated

I don’t understand why people feel the need to post everything
Click to expand...
Lol that's a funny way to put it with those two words : D
I agree with that too.... I like to post every now and then. Not everyday.
 
This probably does come across on here but I'm a fairly confident person.

I am pretty confident about my appearance and my body. I'm a size 14, about 170lbs and I'm perfectly comfortable in a crop top, a tight dress, or a bathing suit. If other people don't like my body, it's not really my problem.

I'm confident in most of my skills because I really do feel like I am good at them and I have been told that I'm good at them.
But with my art, I'm a perfectionist and I'm less secure about making mistakes. I'm also sensitive to negative criticism and it often makes me not want to create stuff anymore.

When it comes to personality and social skills and things like that, I'm not very confident at all because other people have bullied me a lot, and I've had a lot of toxic friends who gaslit me into feeling like I was annoying, weird, too loud, too hyper, a rude and abrasive person, a bad friend, and there was something wrong with me for being the way I am.
I'm still working on fixing that. I like the person that I am, but I'm very worried that other people don't.
 
KevinMao133 said:
Call it societal norms, call it pressure, call it perfectionism, call it however you like

Simply put, I been struggling with confidence my whole life

I’m confident when I’m by myself, but same can’t be said when I’m with others

I try not to compare myself with others as I know everyone lives differently. Subconsciously I do and there are no good solutions

I been asking myself this question: how can I do better? While there are some answers, there isn’t a definitive one

I know a lot of NTs also suffer from various issues, but this kinds of stuff seems more common amongst aspies
Click to expand...
You're certainly not the only one with this struggle. I think some people on the spectrum tend to overthink things. That's kind of a superpower, but also a bit of a challenge especially when something we find challenging comes naturally to others. Do you suffer from black/white thinking? I do. I think when that's combined with a disability and the sort of poverty mentality that comes from stress we only see the world in terms of missed opportunities, the unfairness of a disability and a need for all uncertainty to be removed.

Do you have an example of when you have this feeling?
 
MNAus said:
You're certainly not the only one with this struggle. I think some people on the spectrum tend to overthink things. That's kind of a superpower, but also a bit of a challenge especially when something we find challenging comes naturally to others. Do you suffer from black/white thinking? I do. I think when that's combined with a disability and the sort of poverty mentality that comes from stress we only see the world in terms of missed opportunities, the unfairness of a disability and a need for all uncertainty to be removed.

Do you have an example of when you have this feeling?
Click to expand...

I suffer from body images, as well as self esteem issues

I been eating right, sleeping well, yet not seeing much progress

I can’t help but compare myself with others
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom