Lack of empathy

[Johnny]

Let's see now...

You are problematic because of your "lack of empathy."

It seems some guy's girlfriend just left him after two years. Everybody is offering him comforting words, except you. For the last two years, he has been getting special treats while you got nothing. When he wasn't busy getting special treats, he spent his time bragging to you about it and taunting you for your inability to get similar treats. (Except on election day, when he spent a few minutes doing his patriotic duty, voting for candidates who make it a CRIME for you to BUY special treats). Now his girlfriend has left him and he’s the one who is suffering? And you have a disorder because you do not feel sorry for him?

Get real!

 

[Tarragon]

Ahhh, empathy.... where would we be without it? No idea!!

I choose carefully who or what I care about. Too many people don't deserve it. Those that do, don't always get enough of it.

 

[Hazelle]

The lack of empathy symptom confuses me. I have tons of empathy--more than most people around me it seems. Maybe it's just that I give less indication of my empathy for others that people on the outside can pick up on?

But I do side with you on the story at hand. Sometimes people just don't deserve to be treated like the victim just because they were dumped. Maybe there's a good reason his gf left him!

 

[Licorice]

I don't know if this is true in your case, but I notice online that some people think even posting pictures of your friends and family on Facebook is bragging and rubbing your happiness and success in everyone else's face, which just isn't true. People just feel good when they share and their emotions echo off of each other and being spiteful towards others for having nice things is the beginning of a nasty downward spiral.

I feel bad for people who don't at least have what I have, but I'm not going to not enjoy it because of them, not talk about what I love, or pretend I'm as materially, socially, or emotionally destitute as they are just to make them feel better. Similarly, I don't begrudge anyone for enjoying what I don't have: higher intelligence, better looks, better social skills, a better job, money to spend on expensive video games, a functional family, a good childhood, no disorders, etc. I'd enjoy it if I were them. :unsure:

 

[Johnny]

Let me add to my original post. There's this thing, this attitude, that the other guy is SUPERIOR to you...and how DARE you insult him by implying that your plight is anywhere in the same league as his? After all, he is many orders of magnitude MORE WORTHY of a girlfriend than you are, and you better not imply otherwise, lest you insult him by implying that he is just as inferior as you are. (They can only feel superior by believing somebody else in inferior.)

 

[Judge]

The lack of empathy symptom confuses me. I have tons of empathy--more than most people around me it seems. Maybe it's just that I give less indication of my empathy for others that people on the outside can pick up on?

But I do side with you on the story at hand. Sometimes people just don't deserve to be treated like the victim just because they were dumped. Maybe there's a good reason his gf left him!

Yep, sometimes I get the impression the Neurotypical world just slapped that across the entire spectrum of autism, forgetting just that. That it's a spectrum of behaviors with different amplitudes.

For me empathy is something I have, while I don't always demonstrate it the way Neurotypicals want or expect. It is what it is for me...

 

[Ylva]

While I completely support making it a crime to "buy special treats", as you put it… and I can't really stand people who are pretending to like me either, it'd be even worse to pay them for it…

I think NTs throw around the word "empathy" a lot without being self aware enough to realise they don't usually have it themselves. I don't think that douche you talk about is worthy to call himself your friend.

 

[Cerulean]

The lack of empathy symptom confuses me. I have tons of empathy--more than most people around me it seems.

I go both ways. I can hear straight faced of any disaster or personal problem and have to fake interest or emotional response, but if I see someone crying, I'll start crying with them even if I don't know what's wrong and when I edit wedding photos, I've noticed that in the shots where they're all posed and smiling, I'm smiling at the monitor.

 

[Ylva]

Nothing wrong with your mirror neurons, then.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Why are you wasting your time being around this person? I can't stay around people that treat me bad. I had a group of 7 girlfriends in which we were good friends (or so I thought) for over 20 yrs from working at the same place of employment. I still don't understand what happened, but one of them one night got really drunk (I stayed sober so I'm able to remember all of this) and called me some outlandish names (that mostly started with the letter F) and saying things about my job and nurses in general. She also said a lot of things concerning my political views - I have to say that things went bad with the group after the election and I was the only Republican in the group making me the prime target for her. She must have been harboring these feelings for a long time and then they came out when she got drunk. I could tell she was actually looking for a fistfight. All I know is it was so bad I made a decision to cut her off right then. The problem that I had is that the others in the group sided with her even though they had not been present when she had treated me like she did. I think they wanted to keep the group intact not caring if everyone was getting along or not. It took me about a week, but I ended up making the decision to cut off the whole group. This one friend had said some "things" to me before in the past and I just took it and evidently wasn't going to take any more. I'll take some stuff off of someone up to a point and then won't subject myself to that kind of abuse. My point is this guy is not worth your time. Having a few "real" friends is better than a ton of "fake" friends. (I'm down now to 2 "real" friends and my cat Waldo.)

Another thought: I'm really good at being able to just cut a relationship off if it's not beneficial to me. I think that may go back to when I was younger my mom and dad had to cut off the family on both sides because they were crazy. I never got to meet my aunt, uncle or cousins on either side and the grandparents on one side didn't want to see me or my brother at all for some reason. That is one thing I think about a lot is that I'm going to be pretty much alone when my parents are gone and I don't have a superb relationship with my brother even though he lives right around the corner. Go figure.

 

[Judge]

Mirror neurons? Oh my...interesting stuff though!

 

[Judge]

Lately I have been wondering about my ability to project empathy. If it comes down to my mirror neurons simply reflecting a behavior rather than feeling or communicating it. A misfiring of my own neurons?

Yet when it's about something I have truly felt or suffered from, I feel as if I am not emulating empathy, but honestly expressing it.

Is this something to be confused about, or am I simply over-thinking this?

 

[Ereth]

I honestly wouldn't worry too much, Judge. I haven't known you very long, but you don't seem apathetic to me. Most people tend to be more affected by things that are near and dear to their hearts.

 

[Judge]

I honestly wouldn't worry too much, Judge. I haven't known you very long, but you don't seem apathetic to me. Most people tend to be more affected by things that are near and dear to their hearts.

Thanks. It's just one of those things I think about more in associating my behavior as an Aspie. Makes me second-guess my own thought processes at times. I suppose I'm somewhat concerned about the mental prospects of involuntary delusion. If that even makes sense. LOL....probably just another thing I overthink!

 

[MoCoffee]

After reading so many of these posts, I started to wonder if I truly knew what empathy was, so I looked it up in my dictionary.

empathy: n. the ability to imagine another's feelings.

I can do this! What I can't do is feel what they're feeling. When my friend cries I understand she's sad, but I don't necessarily feel sad too. I sometimes think this means I'm a cold, unfeeling person, but this isn't true. I will do anything I can to help my friend feel better. I just don't feel emotions the way most people do. I used to think this made me a bad person, but now I know it is simply an aspect of Asperger's and is part of who I am.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I have emotions, but I don't like showing them. I've always felt that showing emotions means that I'm losing control. If someone is crying and upset, I feel very uncomfortable and try to say a few words (but it feels fake) then I try to fix the situation. If I'm upset about something, I usually go off by myself, cry (if necessary), then try to come up with ways to fix the situation.

 

[psu2012]

Personally I do not lack empathy, except when I think it is unwarranted. I got myself in trouble with my ex more than a few times because I couldnt fake enough empathy for her problems. Sometimes I do have to work a bit harder to express my empathy, but that does not mean it isnt there.The best I do with friends is use humor, or just be genuine with how you feel about them. But for true suffering I am brimming with empathy, I know whats its like to be outside in normal society so situations with oppressed really speak to me. Dont let a diagnosis dictate what you do and do not feel.

 

[tridianprime]

I can learn to see other what other peoples emotions are through close observation but i cant feel or relate to them.