InvisibleSquirrel
New Member
Hi,
I’m 54 years old and unofficially (I think?) diagnosed by my ADHD dr. She says that she sees a lot of people on the spectrum and I’m pretty obvious to her.
At first I was skeptical, I’ve pretty much been in therapy since I was 13 for depression and motivation issues. I’ve had lots of different diagnosis and been proscribed lots of different medications that with exception to the ADHD meds did not help and rarely did anything at all. So I’m kind of tired of diagnosis.
I did some research and she was right, I am pretty obvious.
At first I was angry. I was so obvious as a kid. But this was the early 70’s and apparently girls didn’t have ADHD and smart kids couldn’t have autism back then.
I had no friends, I got picked on until I learned to be “invisible”. I think I finished the eighth grade, but after that i just drifted and studied what I felt like studying on my own for fun. My parents didn’t care-they were told that I was “gifted” so they didn’t have to worry about my education.
Apparently I masked myself well. It’s funny because I’ve always been aware of doing it-I called it being invisible but had no idea that it was anything other than my own personal survival tactic.
Life has been hard and painful. I’ve been through a lot and made a lot of mistakes. I’ve been looking back at my life with the additional detail of autism added and it’s amazing how much suddenly makes sense.
I thought I understood people, but I didn’t and that’s why so many things had such poor outcomes. I didn’t realize how much I was taking literally-I translate a lot in my head but if I didn’t know that X really meant X+Y then it didn’t get translated and I proceeded with the wrong data.
I think this new understanding has actually been very positive. I have been trying to find out why I have always been so depressed and lonely all my adult life and most of my childhood. Now I have an answer-I was using the wrong set of directions. I was trying really hard to fix myself and go through life with methods that work fine if you are neurotypical, but do nothing or even cause more harm if you are autistic and have ADHD.
So it’s a big relief to have an answer. I’m also angry about it not being noticed, but then I read about younger adults who did get diagnosed as children who don’t feel that they were advocated for correctly and that ultimately they were harmed by it being known and “treated”. So I don’t know what to think.
So I’m still processing. It’s weird, I don’t feel broken now, I felt broken before. I have no idea what to do with this information.
I’m 54 years old and unofficially (I think?) diagnosed by my ADHD dr. She says that she sees a lot of people on the spectrum and I’m pretty obvious to her.
At first I was skeptical, I’ve pretty much been in therapy since I was 13 for depression and motivation issues. I’ve had lots of different diagnosis and been proscribed lots of different medications that with exception to the ADHD meds did not help and rarely did anything at all. So I’m kind of tired of diagnosis.
I did some research and she was right, I am pretty obvious.
At first I was angry. I was so obvious as a kid. But this was the early 70’s and apparently girls didn’t have ADHD and smart kids couldn’t have autism back then.
I had no friends, I got picked on until I learned to be “invisible”. I think I finished the eighth grade, but after that i just drifted and studied what I felt like studying on my own for fun. My parents didn’t care-they were told that I was “gifted” so they didn’t have to worry about my education.
Apparently I masked myself well. It’s funny because I’ve always been aware of doing it-I called it being invisible but had no idea that it was anything other than my own personal survival tactic.
Life has been hard and painful. I’ve been through a lot and made a lot of mistakes. I’ve been looking back at my life with the additional detail of autism added and it’s amazing how much suddenly makes sense.
I thought I understood people, but I didn’t and that’s why so many things had such poor outcomes. I didn’t realize how much I was taking literally-I translate a lot in my head but if I didn’t know that X really meant X+Y then it didn’t get translated and I proceeded with the wrong data.
I think this new understanding has actually been very positive. I have been trying to find out why I have always been so depressed and lonely all my adult life and most of my childhood. Now I have an answer-I was using the wrong set of directions. I was trying really hard to fix myself and go through life with methods that work fine if you are neurotypical, but do nothing or even cause more harm if you are autistic and have ADHD.
So it’s a big relief to have an answer. I’m also angry about it not being noticed, but then I read about younger adults who did get diagnosed as children who don’t feel that they were advocated for correctly and that ultimately they were harmed by it being known and “treated”. So I don’t know what to think.
So I’m still processing. It’s weird, I don’t feel broken now, I felt broken before. I have no idea what to do with this information.
