Learned something about myself...

[DogwoodTree]

I went on a meetup.com hiking trip today and had a blast. It was a small group, but a great hike, and all the people in the group seemed very comfortable with silence...or asking questions/chatting when they felt like it without drawing out the conversation.

I was nervous at first, but settled in okay and by the end, I was sorry it was over. I think this worked so well for me because everyone was focused on hiking and exploring the environment rather than on interacting, then the interactions were just side items to the primary focus. There wasn't much face-to-face interaction, there was lots of freedom to move around and pause to take a photo or check out something interesting, and the scenery was spectacular. I really liked that the point of the meeting was something besides socializing, although there was freedom to talk with people if you wanted to.

So...I learned that I like doing things alongside other people if social interaction isn't the focus, and that way I'm more relaxed and can handle the little chit-chat about interesting plants or each person's hiking history or whatever, without feeling pressured to perform for anyone there. I got to be myself, and everyone was perfectly fine with that, even if I stayed completely quiet (which I didn't...towards the end I got involved in an interesting conversation with one of the guys about homeschooling, since we both homeschool our kids...it was nice, and no pressure to make the conversation continue...it just happened naturally).

 

[Flinty]

Yeah, this is something I've known for a while: I can handle crowds as long as I'm not expected to socialize. For example, going to a baseball game or a movie or something like that. Heck, I've run 180-person Magic tournaments with no problem because I'm allowed to be aloof relative to the players.

But I definitely can't go to a party because ridiculous sensory overload plus the expectation of socializing.

 

[Mia]

It's good that you discovered that, its not the socializing but the doing of things alongside other people that causes you no discomfort. The women in my family spent an awful lot of time cooking, baking, sewing with every one around them, much of it did not include talking. All were quiet. That's why I like those times so much, now that you have pointed it out, all is made clear! Thank-you

 

[DogwoodTree]

I've run 180-person Magic tournaments with no problem because I'm allowed to be aloof relative to the players.

Yes, I think this is why I enjoy hosting or organizing events, so long as I don't have to work hard to coerce people into helping. I can plan and organize the thing, and then focus on making sure everything is running smoothly in the background, which gives me lots of excuses to avoid conversations.

 

[AsheSkyler]

People are much easier done than said. I don't mind going on hikes, fishing, or other quiet things either. Stuff like a baby shower where it's one big gabfest, ack!!

 

[ChrisC1983]

kudos...... i've been too nervous to really try any of those meetup things. and with a lack of car, it's a lot easier to tell myself not to do it since most of the time the stress just getting to the event is huge (taking busses/subways are god awful)

i've wanted to go to some type of anime/comic style convention for years now..... actually was almost going to go with somebody. set it all up, gave them money for the tickets (it was a guy my father worked with... knew him for about 6 months, seemed like a decent guy)...... when the day came, never really heard anything. eventually found out he went to a different state and became a salesman or something.. not really sure, but yeah.. that's my luck

 

[Progster]

I agree - I've said it elsewhere on this forum that hiking is a great way of meeting new people, for the same reasons as you mention. I enjoy doing things with people, but don't enjoy socializing for the sake of socializing. I enjoy being in the company of people, but don't like being made to talk all the time. Why do people have the constant need to be talking? Why can't they just be with each other and enjoy the company without the need to talk? That's one thing I don't get.

Yeah, this is something I've known for a while: I can handle crowds as long as I'm not expected to socialize. For example, going to a baseball game or a movie or something like that. Heck, I've run 180-person Magic tournaments with no problem because I'm allowed to be aloof relative to the players.

But I definitely can't go to a party because ridiculous sensory overload plus the expectation of socializing.

I agree with this. As you say, I can handle crowds as long as I'm not expected to socialize. I can go to concerts, movies, etc and don't have problems with outdoor crowds. However I am a bit claustrophobic, and being in an enclosed space with lots of people is awful, so things like crowded buses or the metro at rush hour is definitely to be avoided.