Hello, my name is Sarah... It is here that I freeze in social settings, what is there to know about Sarah? I have no idea!
I found this forum looking for AS groups... I recently came to find out I have Asperger's Syndrome; it actually made my entire life make a lot of sense, whereas, in the past, I described my life, mostly to myself, as confusing or complex... Learning one little (or huge!) detail about myself brought everything together, and I feel very at peace with who I am as an individual, now, with incredible love, encouragement, and support from a very special person in my life... Perhaps this is not the place for my life story? I am unsure...
I am 24 and mother to a very intelligent neurotypical 4 year old girl... With the help of my very special friend/teacher/guru, I have learned over the course of the past ten months to let go of things, which has helped with so many aspects of AS, even though, then, I had no idea that's what contributed to my oddities... He taught me, guided me, loved me through all of our differences, never even understanding, himself, what was the cause of my atypicalities... My difficulty expressing myself, my saying things I didn't realize or understand came across in a negative way, I would do things deemed socially unacceptable, my extreme forgetfulness, my extreme emotionality with an inability to fully express myself, all this and so much more created such a problem, yet neither of us understood it... He never gave up on me but I am sure it was frustrating at times trying to figure me out... But he has always been so full of forgiveness and love... I convinced myself I needed to change so many things about myself, but nothing worked! I didn't even realize I was doing some of these things, so it became impossible to change with force... By trying to change what I didn't understand, I applied certain rigid rules to live by, further mimicking what I thought I was "supposed" to do or be (and I now realize I've mimicked others my entire life, so as to seem as "normal" as possible, but my oddness and partial muteness and closing up and backing into a corner in social aspects always gives me away)... I think NOT being true to who I am and trying to change everything did stress me out internally... I couldn't do, act, or feel how I inwardly, and strongly, felt the need to... Finding out I have AS, it is a relief; it makes sense! Now I have let go of all the "rules" I created in my head to please others and to do what is socially "acceptable", and am now being 100% honest and true to myself and what I feel in my heart... I have known about AS for about a week, and it has been an emotional week, for sure, but along with it came a great peace and relaxation... My friend, Billy, also has a greater understanding, our relationship is even better, stronger... He continues to lead and guide me with such a great devotion and love... He also believes he may have AS... It has helped strengthen our bond, and has helped him to grow significantly as a teacher... We both have grown as individuals... Learning about AS has been a huge answer in my life... It's not even a struggle to have it anymore, I now recognize my differences and let go of wanting anyone's acceptance... Billy, along with his yogic instruction (asanas, meditation, and spiritual teachings), has greatly changed my life and helped smooth out and decrease the symptoms of AS (even not knowing I had it)...
There is so much more to say... But to wrap up my "introduction", it is on our hearts to reach out to others with AS... We would like to help others to learn and grow and be free... Even if we couldn't help, it'd be great to befriend others and to understand one another!
I found this forum looking for AS groups... I recently came to find out I have Asperger's Syndrome; it actually made my entire life make a lot of sense, whereas, in the past, I described my life, mostly to myself, as confusing or complex... Learning one little (or huge!) detail about myself brought everything together, and I feel very at peace with who I am as an individual, now, with incredible love, encouragement, and support from a very special person in my life... Perhaps this is not the place for my life story? I am unsure...
I am 24 and mother to a very intelligent neurotypical 4 year old girl... With the help of my very special friend/teacher/guru, I have learned over the course of the past ten months to let go of things, which has helped with so many aspects of AS, even though, then, I had no idea that's what contributed to my oddities... He taught me, guided me, loved me through all of our differences, never even understanding, himself, what was the cause of my atypicalities... My difficulty expressing myself, my saying things I didn't realize or understand came across in a negative way, I would do things deemed socially unacceptable, my extreme forgetfulness, my extreme emotionality with an inability to fully express myself, all this and so much more created such a problem, yet neither of us understood it... He never gave up on me but I am sure it was frustrating at times trying to figure me out... But he has always been so full of forgiveness and love... I convinced myself I needed to change so many things about myself, but nothing worked! I didn't even realize I was doing some of these things, so it became impossible to change with force... By trying to change what I didn't understand, I applied certain rigid rules to live by, further mimicking what I thought I was "supposed" to do or be (and I now realize I've mimicked others my entire life, so as to seem as "normal" as possible, but my oddness and partial muteness and closing up and backing into a corner in social aspects always gives me away)... I think NOT being true to who I am and trying to change everything did stress me out internally... I couldn't do, act, or feel how I inwardly, and strongly, felt the need to... Finding out I have AS, it is a relief; it makes sense! Now I have let go of all the "rules" I created in my head to please others and to do what is socially "acceptable", and am now being 100% honest and true to myself and what I feel in my heart... I have known about AS for about a week, and it has been an emotional week, for sure, but along with it came a great peace and relaxation... My friend, Billy, also has a greater understanding, our relationship is even better, stronger... He continues to lead and guide me with such a great devotion and love... He also believes he may have AS... It has helped strengthen our bond, and has helped him to grow significantly as a teacher... We both have grown as individuals... Learning about AS has been a huge answer in my life... It's not even a struggle to have it anymore, I now recognize my differences and let go of wanting anyone's acceptance... Billy, along with his yogic instruction (asanas, meditation, and spiritual teachings), has greatly changed my life and helped smooth out and decrease the symptoms of AS (even not knowing I had it)...
There is so much more to say... But to wrap up my "introduction", it is on our hearts to reach out to others with AS... We would like to help others to learn and grow and be free... Even if we couldn't help, it'd be great to befriend others and to understand one another!
