Learning to converse

[WolfSpirit]

Okay, one more post before finally dragging myself away, and to bed.

I wrote this, approximate 1996 or 1997. (not sure anymore, and it wasn't originally dated. And metadata on the file got corrupted.) It describes how my family doctor taught me how to talk to her. How to have a conversation (as well as the actual speaking part, although that came much later. At first it was all notebook and pen, for a long time.), and how to give her the information she needed. This is what I wrote when I realized what had happened, and was rather blown away by it all. I was still largely averse to people at this stage, certainly nonautistic people, although I was learning to branch out a little.

And no, I wouldn't have even recognized what she was doing if I hadn't already developed a relationship with a teacher at my high school, where she did similar things in terms of asking about seemingly irrelevant things to the interaction at hand. (i.e. what music I was listening to, or some other interest, or something.) I had been trained extensively that nobody else gave a damn about anything I had any interest in (and in fact, that is was safer not to have any interests). But that's another story.

I ran across this (below) tonight looking for one of the other articles I posted links to (that other people wrote, not me). Thought some people here might find it useful. (or at least interesting.) Minor edits for privacy.
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[My] Dr. [...] is/has been teaching me how to talk. How to actually have a conversation. How to initiate a conversation appropriately, and even carry it on to some extent – to varying degrees of success (with continuing it) by interesting me in interacting with her, and interesting me in therefore learning how to interact with her. And to do that, she first had to interest me in her – in paying attention to her; in her as a person, which occurs after I’ve separated her out from the furniture.

She taught me by first interesting me in interacting with her, and then in learning how to interact with her. Then she showed me how to do it. She laid the pieces out to me in a way that I couldn’t miss them, and did so slowly and obviously enough that I could pick them up, and then from there, I began to take them into myself and turn them around from every angle, and expand on them so that I could not only use them myself (on prompt), but could initiate them as well!!!

She taught me how to talk to her!!!

That’s what makes humans [NTs] able to learn by observation!!! They have that interest in learning how to interact with another/others (starts with one and then expands to others i.e. family, then friends of family, then friends, then school). They have that interest in interacting, they are interested in people!! They are interested in learning how to interact, and they are able to make/take meaning out of the actions they see in front of them… it starts with one person, doing it obviously, in front of them. (well, obvious to them, not obviously/necessarily to an AC brain) and then they learn how to do it with other like/similar creatures. (And AC’s being so different … they [NTs] have even worse time learning how to interact with us unless exposed early enough and/or intensely interested/motivated. They being majority and all don’t see need to, become rigid.)

Their brains are compatible with what they see. We are also able when it’s done on a level of what we can deal with, but it has to be so much more specific and obvious and ... slowed down and broken down and all that, that many of them never see we are able to, or that we need it that way! That we aren’t able to otherwise! They don’t bother.

 

[Xerces Blue]

I had a much different experience learning to converse with people.
I was more along the lines of gushing about what I learned from cross sections and exploded diagrams of tanks and airplanes.
I still LOVE exploded diagrams.
Now I also include military history - I told some of the story of the 2nd pacific fleet (Russo-Japanese war) to my family recently - sent my dad into a flash-back.

I viewed people as sources of information.
They weren't part of the background to me because they acted without stimulus and sometimes against me.
But I knew they where sources of information which I loved and still love - information that is.

So for me learning to talk to people was more along the lines of "how do I get them to talk about what I want to know" first and connection later.

I don't call myself an "evil overlord" for nothing

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

They are the same as us, only quicker at some things. Now, because it takes us conscious effort, we often become more excellent than people who have taken it for granted.

Much kudos to that respectful, imaginative doctor & respectful, imaginative teacher!

Taking the intensity off it is the main key in my opinion, then the logic finds room to be handled.

It took me till my 40s to be in that position and perhaps my late 50s to get confident.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

...

So for me learning to talk to people was more along the lines of "how do I get them to talk about what I want to know" first and connection later.

...

People probably hate that less than we think. As long as we're OK with them giving us blank looks a fair bit of the time. It's far better than getting too personal.

 

[Progster]

Yes, people are social - they have an innate instinct to seek out others and interact with them.

I viewed people as sources of information.

I viewed people as sources of information and stimulation. NTs do as well, but they know the social rules instinctively, where we have to learn them the hard way.