Feldwebel Knispel
Active Member
Here I am after being inactive on here for a few months. Lately, life has really been kicking me in the ass. Before Thanksgiving, I met a woman at my college. She is 24 and I am 19 about to turn 20. At this stage, I prefer older women due to the fact that a lot of the time its been girls my age that have done more to hurt me and have more acted more immature than a lot of the older women I've managed to talk to. A lot of these younger women have ghosted me, accused me of harassment and got me sent to the dean's office, and all kinds of other things.
Anyway, me and this 24 year old seem to hit it off, however there seem to be two main problems. The first one is that she has strong left-wing views and is a "free love" and "spiritual, but not religious" type. Meanwhile, I have very far-right and old-fashioned views on a lot of things. I was willing to tolerate her views as long as she tolerated mine. There is an even bigger issue, though.
This woman is polyamorous and claims to be in a "committed relationship." How you can be in a committed relationship and still romantically engage others is something I will never understand, but whatever. Due to the socially conservative views I have, I think polyamory is degenerate, immature, and selfish. I told her I liked her and she gave me an excuse about already being in a committed relationship and later told me she wouldn't date me because of my confidence issues.
This was before Thanksgiving and I still cannot get over this. I am still very hurt and angry about the whole situation. Since the last time I posted here, more stuff has been happening. I met a girl right before Hurricane Irma hit us and again we hit it off and it actually looked like she had a thing for me and she blocked me on Snapchat after the storm hit without any explanation. We never argued and I never even said anything that would offend her or make her angry. Shortly after this, this girl had me sent to the dean's office at my college because she believed I was harassing her. She accused me of following her around and sitting by her (I didn't know sitting by people constituted harassment, but okay). Then, I was also ghosted by a beautiful Russian girl I met after I told her I liked her.
My self-esteem and morale are even lower than usual. I don't have the motivation to approach anybody and if something were to kick off I always have the feeling that it will fizzle out eventually. I can never attract any of the women I want and feel like experiencing intimacy and romance is something permanently out of my reach. If it matters, I would prefer to date a white woman (preferably older than me) who is either apolitical or right-wing like me and isn't extremely religious since I am an atheist (so basically a woman like Lauren Southern or Tomi Lahren). However, older women also prefer older and more financially well-off men. I am 19 and work part-time at GameStop, so I'm like the last choice for those kind of women. I also just dropped out of college.
This situation is also made worse by the fact that I am out of one of my medications. Every time I wake up, I either want to hurt myself or someone else (usually the women that were mean to me when they rejected me). I am so ****ing done with all of this. I am just tired of living and tired of getting hurt.
Anyway, me and this 24 year old seem to hit it off, however there seem to be two main problems. The first one is that she has strong left-wing views and is a "free love" and "spiritual, but not religious" type. Meanwhile, I have very far-right and old-fashioned views on a lot of things. I was willing to tolerate her views as long as she tolerated mine. There is an even bigger issue, though.
This woman is polyamorous and claims to be in a "committed relationship." How you can be in a committed relationship and still romantically engage others is something I will never understand, but whatever. Due to the socially conservative views I have, I think polyamory is degenerate, immature, and selfish. I told her I liked her and she gave me an excuse about already being in a committed relationship and later told me she wouldn't date me because of my confidence issues.
This was before Thanksgiving and I still cannot get over this. I am still very hurt and angry about the whole situation. Since the last time I posted here, more stuff has been happening. I met a girl right before Hurricane Irma hit us and again we hit it off and it actually looked like she had a thing for me and she blocked me on Snapchat after the storm hit without any explanation. We never argued and I never even said anything that would offend her or make her angry. Shortly after this, this girl had me sent to the dean's office at my college because she believed I was harassing her. She accused me of following her around and sitting by her (I didn't know sitting by people constituted harassment, but okay). Then, I was also ghosted by a beautiful Russian girl I met after I told her I liked her.
My self-esteem and morale are even lower than usual. I don't have the motivation to approach anybody and if something were to kick off I always have the feeling that it will fizzle out eventually. I can never attract any of the women I want and feel like experiencing intimacy and romance is something permanently out of my reach. If it matters, I would prefer to date a white woman (preferably older than me) who is either apolitical or right-wing like me and isn't extremely religious since I am an atheist (so basically a woman like Lauren Southern or Tomi Lahren). However, older women also prefer older and more financially well-off men. I am 19 and work part-time at GameStop, so I'm like the last choice for those kind of women. I also just dropped out of college.
This situation is also made worse by the fact that I am out of one of my medications. Every time I wake up, I either want to hurt myself or someone else (usually the women that were mean to me when they rejected me). I am so ****ing done with all of this. I am just tired of living and tired of getting hurt.
