Limiting Myself Hearing Happy Thoughts Of People Lives

[The Penguin]

One thing I tend to avoid is hearing happy thoughts of most people lives. It makes me jealous because those people have more things in their lives than what I have. Able to connect well with family, having local friends, etc.

I do listen to thoughts happy thoughts of people I do care about of those I do speak to online.

I know I need to take some responsibly of the outcome of my life since I stop going out meeting people. Being my 7th year living in Nova Scotia, I don't ever seeing me adapting to the type of life style as this place is not for me.

I know many people say I should move and I will move one day. The delay been during the years not having a stable income, I need to get caught up to pay outstanding bills, and save lots of money before I can move while ensuring I can find a job where ever I want to live in the future.

I'm not going to put all blame on Nova Scotia as even before moving here, I had issues connecting with people. Nova Scotia did taught me how to enjoy myself alone. Some of you know I do camping and hiking to enjoy myself. So I working out how to find my own happy thoughts having a lonely life. I be honest with you I do feel better this year since I have a stable income again. The most important thing for me having that stable income since I have no one to help me during bad periods of my life.

 

[Mia]

Have always been lonely, since I was a child growing up in a large family. Not lonely while cycling or painting or doing things I like though. In fact I'm probably a lot happier when I'm I'm alone, a lot more myself.

Still sometimes feel a kind of sadness when I see others together having fun. As if I missed something important about relationships with others, some secret I should know. Have had many friends over the years, but still felt alone with them much of the time. Seems as if nothing could actually pierce the armor that's been put in place against hurt.

Have felt close to people, but find that they also disappoint in some ways. Expect that it's more about trust and expectation on my part that anything else.

 

[The Penguin]

Have always been lonely, since I was a child growing up in a large family.

Penguin have a large family as well on both sides. Family events are overwhelming for me which is why I stop going.

 

[Mia]

Family events are overwhelming for me which is why I stop going.

So did I. If a holiday or celebration of some sort was going to happen I would break out, then I would get a rash, or shingles, or begin getting headaches, and bite my nails until they bled. Couldn't sleep for days beforehand. Would still go to these events, then recover for a week and sometimes a month.

It took me more than thirty years to realize that the 'get togethers' and the family reunions were actually making me noticeably ill. It was psychosomatic with real physical manifestations, the evidence was there on my skin and hands. Since I've stopped going to these occasions, I haven't had a rash or a cold sore or an outbreak of acne, my fingernails look like anyone else's. Often wonder about the real point of these social gatherings anyway.

 

[The Penguin]

So did I. If a holiday or celebration of some sort was going to happen I would break out, then I would get a rash, or shingles, or begin getting headaches, and bite my nails until they bled. Couldn't sleep for days beforehand. Would still go to these events, then recover for a week and sometimes a month.

That would be really rough. I haven't had the same effect with family but I did have panic attacks attending social events for work.

Often wonder about the real point of these social gatherings anyway.

I think too many people following tradition including people who don't want to. I do have local family I could visit and they offer me to visit many times but I don't fell conformable around them.

 

[Kirsty]

Often wonder about the real point of these social gatherings anyway.

I know. I never (yes, never) see family all year round and only went at Christmas time to visit my Gran. When I do hear from them or if I phone, it causes me a lot of stress so I've stopped visiting completely and started to limit calls/texts.

One thing I tend to avoid is hearing happy thoughts of most people lives. It makes me jealous because those people have more things in their lives than what I have. Able to connect well with family, having local friends, etc.

I do listen to thoughts happy thoughts of people I do care about of those I do speak to online.

Yes, me too. It's hard to find motivation at times and I always have to look within as I don't really have outside support apart from online.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I know what you mean about avoiding other people's positive events in their lives. I read something at some point somewhere about how the more time spent on social media the more likely the person is to be depressed. That's me all over. It's hard to stop comparing and competing with other people. I'm hoping if I can accept what I have I'll be able to just compare myself to other people with life changing conditions.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

I never had children, so don't like people harping on about theirs, or women giving details about giving birth; sometimes it can seem as though they're doing it deliberately to rub my nose in it, although I'm sure they're not. It doesn't happen very often these days though.
When I was frustratingly unmarried, I was in a group of what Bridget Jones calls "smug marrieds", who would go on and on about how they'd met, then finish up with a former member who was also unmarried, making unkind comments about her; I think that was for my benefit, although I am prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they may not have realised how often they were doing it. I stopped going to the group eventually as I didn't feel accepted there.
As for happy thoughts, just because you don't share the same thoughts, experiences and memories as everybody else, it doesn't mean you can't have any of your own. Never mind everybody else, think about what makes you happy, however inane it may seem - the little things, the things that don't cost a penny, the things you notice that other people miss; I know it's easier said than done if you're depressed, but do try to find something.

 

[pax]

"Katherine Rawstron", very true. I think people do that, and I feel a bit jealous, or upset and then I think that's what makes them happy, but having kids and pushing out a water melon would not be making me happy. Spending all my time and money in claustrophobic department stores to make sure I have the latest ridiculous fashions, would not make me happy. Spending time with my entire disfunctional family around one table while the pick pieces out of me sure as hell doesn't make me happy.!!

So I try to spend more time doing what makes me happy, whether that ties in with the rest of the world or not.

 

[midlife aspie]

Just remember that those 'happy' people have their troubles too. They may only be better than us at hiding them. I have seen 'perfect' relationships go bust 'overnight' over issues that were well hidden from outside observers. We must find something in ourselves to love, however little it may be. Perhaps we could start by telling that somber person in the mirror we love them, no matter what.

 

[The Penguin]

You got me thinking and I can think of two response for your reply.

There is myself that I naturally smile when I'm in settings I don't like with a lot of people. I remember someone in class said a comment to me assume I'm always happy base on the expressions I have in class. At the same time, regardless what setting I'm in, people don't speak to me most of the time and I feel left out. To be fair, I understand I need make some effort to engage with people but I feel I can't connect with most people.

Then there is my sister. She also express smile when she in presences with people. But the difference between her and me, she dose engage with many people and have great conversations. Then when she phones me sometimes I learn about problems for her life.

So I feel I get the worse side effect being left out than my sister. Though I still need to consider she have her fair share of problems.

 

[Kirsty]

You got me thinking and I can think of two response for your reply.

There is myself that I naturally smile when I'm in settings I don't like with a lot of people. I remember someone in class said a comment to me assume I'm always happy base on the expressions I have in class. At the same time, regardless what setting I'm in, people don't speak to me most of the time and I feel left out. To be fair, I understand I need make some effort to engage with people but I feel I can't connect with most people.

Then there is my sister. She also express smile when she in presences with people. But the difference between her and me, she dose engage with many people and have great conversations. Then when she phones me sometimes I learn about problems for her life.

So I feel I get the worse side effect being left out than my sister. Though I still need to consider she have her fair share of problems.

You sound exactly like me.

 

[toothless]

You got me thinking and I can think of two response for your reply.

There is myself that I naturally smile when I'm in settings I don't like with a lot of people. I remember someone in class said a comment to me assume I'm always happy base on the expressions I have in class. At the same time, regardless what setting I'm in, people don't speak to me most of the time and I feel left out. To be fair, I understand I need make some effort to engage with people but I feel I can't connect with most people.

Then there is my sister. She also express smile when she in presences with people. But the difference between her and me, she dose engage with many people and have great conversations. Then when she phones me sometimes I learn about problems for her life.

So I feel I get the worse side effect being left out than my sister. Though I still need to consider she have her fair share of problems.

penguin,i can relate,i always look happy apparently as i get comments like 'you look happy today' or 'you cant be depressed,you look so happy',but inside i am depressed and have no hope for the future,i have no understanding/awareness of facial expression so its difficult to match what my inside is feeling.

 

[Judge]

In a cosmic sense I suspect even those who appear to have "rich lives" whether socially or economically have their shortcomings as well. That few of us actually lead those "charmed lives" that they might appear to be.

I have gone through life without a sense of jealousy or envy. However not by choice or force of will. They simply aren't there for me. Placing me occasionally in an awkward or uncomfortable situation where utterly no one can relate to me.

For whatever reason, I cannot "project" my life beyond my own realities at any given moment in time. In other words, I only deal with what I have- not what I don't. Regardless of what others have.

I suppose the one thing that haunts me about it all is that I have yet to really find another person who does not experience envy or jealousy. Yet I can sense it in other people at times. The human brain can be so baffling...even our own.