Literally everyone hates me

[Aspergamer]

I always struggled with making friends, but now that I'm an adult and out of college I really feeling myself spiraling. No one likes me. Even my parents don't respond to my texts. Everyone must have me unfollowed on Facebook because no one responds to or likes my posts. When I show up to volunteer places, I can feel how unwelcome I am in the room. When I make posts on forums, suddenly everyone stops responding to the thread. The only people that will talk to me are the types that are kind by nature, but even they don't want to maintain a conversation. I have no idea what is so unlikable about me.

I am not a mean person but I am opinionated. However, I will listen to what others have to say and I don't push my beliefs on anyone. I have a problem with interrupting as I can never seem to tell when someone has finished talking, but I'm always careful to apologize and let them finish. I react as appropriately as I can to conversation and I always try to remain interested in what others are saying and maintain eye contact. Why am I so disliked? The isolation that I am experiencing is beginning to become too much.

Most of all, I am tired of having to wear myself out trying (and failing) to fit in with others, when really I would just love to find a group of friends who like me for who I am. Does anyone have any advice or maybe some insight as to what I am doing wrong?

I should also note that when I disclose my AS diagnosis, no one seems to believe me. They say that they never would have guessed, so I assume that means that I am properly emulating normal behavior?

Thank you.

 

[wight]

yea, I get that a lot. Or rather, I used to when I was younger. When I stopped caring whether I was liked and just worked on being myself and accepting that I was going to be alone more than not, I started feeling better. I'm not saying it was easy by the way, just the path I took.

 

[The Penguin]

I find it is important to like yourself first before making friends.

There is a website I use to use Meetup.com that have various groups for a local area. The groups I would be involved in was computers, documentary, board games, and movies. I'm not sure if Meetup.com have local groups for your area but it worth to find out.

It can take time to fit in a group. In some cases, you might need to try many groups until you can fit in.

Out of all the things I can think of, I find the most important thing is don't be a person you are not just to fit in. It takes a lot of energy and you might end up feeling more worse in the long run.

 

[rule_follower]

I would recommend seeing a therapist if you can. It has helped me to understand social situations better.

 

[StephF]

I don't hate you

 

[ThatSkyWing]

I have this problem a lot. :/
I just recommend that you do not give up trying to make friends, even though it hurts to be disappointed time and time again, you will find some true friends one day who will appreciate you for who you are.
I do agree with The Penguin about needing to like yourself first before trying to make friends, that's a very important thing to keep in mind.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

Oh dear; been there, done it, got the T'shirt! There's no pat answer, but learning to like and respect yourself will certainly help. Just because people ignore you, it doesn't mean they hate you. It may just be that they don't know what to say to a blog, or, if you talk about something they don't know much about, simply have no answer to give! I don't respond to every blog/post on F/B, if I did, I'd be on the thing 24/7! Are you posting your every thought and action? If so, cut out the mundane bits and just stick to things that are really interesting/funny, but not offensive. There is so much on there, nobody has time to read everything that comes up, much less respond to it, and if your posts are long and/or frequent, people may scroll through them due to time pressures.
Unfortunately, if you come across as odd, people may find you difficult to take seriously, or misinterpret phrases or gestures.
If there's somebody you can trust to be straight with you, you could ask them outright what's going on, and what you can do about it. Talk to a counsellor or somebody trained to help people like yourself.
Take one step at a time, you've got a long road ahead of you, but stick at it.

 

[Aspergamer]

Thank you for the replies, everyone. I'm working on how to adapt and fit in, but I guess sometimes it would be nice if for once others would try to empathize with me rather than the other way around. For now I am going to focus on keeping my job and enjoying my time on my own, and working at learning to socialize bit by bit. It's really hard work :/

 

[ksheehan88]

I'm sorry you feel that way, and that people make you feel that way I'm not on the spectrum, but I've always struggled with fitting in so can only imagine how tough it must be for you. Friendly ear right here xxxx

 

[ksheehan88]

Just to add (cos I'm a dumbass and forgot to write it on my first post!) you shouldn't have to change yourself or be someone you aren't for other people...Always be yourself, the right people will love you for who you are xxx

 

[Cali Cat]

I always struggled with making friends, but now that I'm an adult and out of college I really feeling myself spiraling. No one likes me. Even my parents don't respond to my texts. Everyone must have me unfollowed on Facebook because no one responds to or likes my posts. When I show up to volunteer places, I can feel how unwelcome I am in the room. When I make posts on forums, suddenly everyone stops responding to the thread. The only people that will talk to me are the types that are kind by nature, but even they don't want to maintain a conversation. I have no idea what is so unlikable about me ...

I should also note that when I disclose my AS diagnosis, no one seems to believe me. They say that they never would have guessed, so I assume that means that I am properly emulating normal behavior?

I have the same problem with NTs ... not so much with neuro-atypicals. People are nice enough to my face, but I can gauge their dislike for me by their behavior. I am often disrespected in action. Both body language and behavior speaks volumes.

I've never been able to figure it out either. My guess is that I radiate intensity, and I make them nervous. I'm still no social butterfly, even after years of practice mimicking others. I don't communicate with ease. My uneasiness must be felt by others and interpreted in a negative way.

It probably doesn't help that I, myself, do not like most people. I find them disingenuous, self-centered and shallow. Maybe they can tell that I see straight through their bullsh*t, and that makes them dislike me even more.

People never believe I have AS either. I think when they think of austism they imagine someone either out of control or sitting in corner drooling. IDK. NTs rarely take time to understand anything that doesn't personally affect them.

I'm sorry you have to experience this phenomena also. The only thing that works for me is to simply not give a damn and carry on as if they don't matter, which they don't. I look for other people like myself who march to the beat of a different drum. I make "friends" with the kindlier people, and just wait for the other misfits to find me.