Living Situation

[All-Rounder]

I'm stuck in an apartment with my Covid suspected mother who is in quarantine. She came in contact with someone who has tested Covid positive. No one's willing to test either of us, my practician's assistant said it's very expensive.

Eating time has become miserable, I dread thinking of it and my scalp is itching and full of skincells because I try avoiding staying in the bathroom and showers and last time I washed it very quickly to get out fast.

This feels more than 1st line exposure, because they never go to the bathroom, shower or eat where the sick do the same thing. My eye sockets are bruised from wearing eye goggles, I have diarrhea from inability to eat anything than packeted cheese triangles and fish roe and my stress levels dealing with bill issues[the bills were paid 4 times it seems, already, and they changed paypoints due to covid and the internet provider no longer sends bills through mail, switched to emails but we kept getting mail despite it having been switched for a while, then it stopped; then it comes out we had previous unpaid months despite mom having paid, maybe she just hasn't asked about the lost months.. try talking to mom it's like talking to a pidgeon. No one gets through, not even you. So really I have to stop stressing and just trust them for now.].

Im messaging her every time i have necessities so she will go outside and her asking me for shopping items while im weakened and refusing to make lists and calling me names, inability to stay in her room, pulling all food out from the pantry to paint, and they all get to me so much right now. Every food I bring from the fridge, I bring through her room, because she cooks and does a lot of stuff in the kitchen so it's just too risky to eat there anymore.

I disinfect constantly and everything seems really hard, I don't even know if I will be getting to my older living style even after the 14 days, I still want to keep wary of her.

I just want to live alone so much right now.

 

[paloftoon]

Can you get an (essential) job and move out with roommates?
Sounds like the stress is so much that this "risk" might be worth it in your case. To move out.

 

[All-Rounder]

Im not able to keep jobs, Im thinking of getting a part time and that's not enough to get a rent. Ive been trying to stay away from workplaces since the pandemic but I think it'll be around for long.

If id be moving out id like it to be to live alone, not sure roommates can deal with me and me with them. Rn i canceled everything I was going to do because Im just in this situation and everything is much harder, even eating and showeing to go outside. Not to mention I can't be putting anyone else in danger.

We have no savings, mom already called in to borrow from a friend but I wasn't able to make it there. What's left in my wallet Im saving for cheap food.

 

[Progster]

It sounds like one of those unpleasant situations that you can't do much about and you just have to try and get through it as best you can until the quarantine is over. Take it one day at a time, it won't be forever. It might take time, but things will eventually get back to normal.

 

[Creep]

I'm stuck in an apartment with my Covid suspected mother who is in quarantine. She came in contact with someone who has tested Covid positive. No one's willing to test either of us, my practician's assistant said it's very expensive.

Eating time has become miserable, I dread thinking of it and my scalp is itching and full of skincells because I try avoiding staying in the bathroom and showers and last time I washed it very quickly to get out fast.

This feels more than 1st line exposure, because they never go to the bathroom, shower or eat where the sick do the same thing. My eye sockets are bruised from wearing eye goggles, I have diarrhea from inability to eat anything than packeted cheese triangles and fish roe and my stress levels dealing with bill issues[the bills were paid 4 times it seems, already, and they changed paypoints due to covid and the internet provider no longer sends bills through mail, switched to emails but we kept getting mail despite it having been switched for a while, then it stopped; then it comes out we had previous unpaid months despite mom having paid, maybe she just hasn't asked about the lost months.. try talking to mom it's like talking to a pidgeon. No one gets through, not even you. So really I have to stop stressing and just trust them for now.].

Im messaging her every time i have necessities so she will go outside and her asking me for shopping items while im weakened and refusing to make lists and calling me names, inability to stay in her room, pulling all food out from the pantry to paint, and they all get to me so much right now. Every food I bring from the fridge, I bring through her room, because she cooks and does a lot of stuff in the kitchen so it's just too risky to eat there anymore.

I disinfect constantly and everything seems really hard, I don't even know if I will be getting to my older living style even after the 14 days, I still want to keep wary of her.

I just want to live alone so much right now.

I’m so sorry. That sounds awful. I’m also stuck in a confined space with multiple family members. It’s challenging in the best of times.

 

[clg114]

I feel for you. I would hate to be a young person, just starting out during these tough times.

 

[paloftoon]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but. . .

Living alone is expensive. It's possible to live with roommates if you don't burden them with the things in your life and can pay normally. A part time job would be enough to be in certain roommate situations.

Can you manage what needs to be paid and how to do the phone calls yourself?
Can you cook for yourself and wash dishes?

Cause the same would apply even if you're living on your own or with roommates.

If you are not skilled at these things, you can look stuff up little by little to grow your skills and independence. You can post on this forum, so you can try to look up simple household chores online if you don't know how to do that.

Or maybe, with your food preferences, start with one aspect and work on improving your palate.

I sense part of your mom's frustration is that you aren't or aren't able to do these things on your own.

If you can improve your health, other things you do in life may naturally come along to support the never ending see saw balance we all work with. Good luck.

 

[Fino]

No health insurance? I didn't know people pay to get tested! It's mild a large majority of the time so I'd probably rather just risk getting it than be miserable.

 

[All-Rounder]

Here i have my room at least. And 1 roommate [admittedly insane and non-functional who i have to pretty much parent and train who rarely learns and remembers rules] instead of many, and it's free. Part of this appartment I own since my dad's suicide, and part of it I paid for from jobs that lasted me 3 months. My trust, dare and motivation to live on 3 month jobs with the amount of work I have to do to find, earn, and maintain them are messed up. I have dealt with tons of mistreatment on top of it.

My mom is frustrated with everything about her life and everyone. There's no doubt she'd classify as a very low IQ narcissist who gets off on abusing anyone.

Do what on my own? I handle everything right now and as criticizing as she is without my brain shes a rotten worm who can't even figure out the difference between house fragrance and bug spray.

I do feel I need more force and understanding like NTs but I will always have to do 10 times the effort to obtain everything.

My food preferences are very broad, but with Covid around theres not much choice about portioned things i can eat with bread that in the process of selection and opening will not be infected by covid particles that float through the air up to 3 hours. I cant cook in the covid infected kitchen if I want to. I cant eat my salami when mom breathes in the fridge because it's infected. All i can eat is very limited right now. The packages are infected; carrying them through her room will infect them. I can't expose myself unshielded on eyes and mouth in places she visits, and with protection I try to limit my time to minimum.

The kitchen smells like corpses because I haven't been around to pick up the food she leaves around. I may be impaired but she is worse. Im super fed up with teaching her languages, testing her, translating for her bc she forgets, fixing her phones and hardware after she messes up their settings continuously, teaching her so many things about software, shopping, food, storage and so much more that she either way mostly doesn't understand and on top of it forgets, and being treated like trash throughout and after it, threatened and treated like a child who needs to spend my life by her liking. Im superior in many ways but somehow she seems to think I need her help.

She constantly reminds me of food she cooks or can cook despite me asking her not to because I feel miserable because Im unable to eat what sits in the kitchen warm for hours or she breathes near, and I can't be in the kitchen for long to cook.

 

[All-Rounder]

No health insurance? I didn't know people pay to get tested! It's mild a large majority of the time so I'd probably rather just risk getting it than be miserable.

We have paid health insurance but doesn't do anything for us. Otherwise we wouldn't have called our doc. She can't do anything for us. DSP [public health organization] only move ppl to covid hospitals and test if they're symptomatic and though mom has had her voice altered she denies it.

I have heard on news newer studies show that it affects lungs irrecuperably. I already have what seems to be asthma, easily cough from anything. I really need to watch my lung health and health in general. Being sick would make me unable to sleep because of coughs and miserable.

It's possible I will get infected either way but I will try my best fighting it. And I think the fewer viruses that may enter my organism the better I deal with the disease, so I want to keep it minimal.

The aim is also to keep the population healthy so I think it's worth it not to spread it further by contacting it. I want to think this can be done, that it can be prevented. Even if they leave me to rot with the ill, pretending they are trying to decrease the infections.

 

[Au Naturel]

COVID only lasts a couple of weeks. Quarentine will be over soon.

 

[Mary Terry]

Scientists are learning more about this novel virus every day. Many people do have long term effects from it and a friend of mine from high school recently died of COVID after her family made the decision to take her off the ventilator. C-19 is very serious, it is not "just the flu", and many people do not know if they have an underlying condition that will make the disease worse for them. The amount of disinformation about COVID is mindboggling to say the least. Fortunately, most people who get it will recover and be fine.

Keep persevering. The quarantine period is only 14 days during or after which your mother will either have the disease or not have the disease. If possible, keep windows open to allow fresh air to enter the apartment and continue to wipe down surfaces that you touch with disinfectant. (Don't forget to wipe down doorknobs).

Can you cook food for yourself at night when your mother is in her room? Or make some sandwiches for yourself and keep them sealed in a package in the refrigerator so you know they are not "contaminated"? Or order takeout food that you can eat in your room? Take a shower at night when she is in her room? Do whatever you can to minimize your exposure to her exhaled breath. I assume she is wearing a mask and frequently washing her hands to protect you from getting C-19 from her. If she isn't doing that for you, then I'd find another place to live. Meanwhile, you're doing the best you can to survive this very trying period in your life.

I'm sending you my best wishes to get through this. It's an awful time but you can do this. Everyone here supports you totally so please vent as much as you need to deal with this.

 

[paloftoon]

Well, then, since you can do everything on your own and it sounds like you make enough to support yourself, move out and live independently or live with roommates, and let your mother fend for your own if she isn't respecting you and your boundaries properly.

Since you can't keep a job, keep applying to another one and keep trying until you find a way to make a job work.
You may have to sacrifice certain quirks or perceptions in order to survive on your own and make a living.
That is part of independence.

 

[All-Rounder]

Scientists are learning more about this novel virus every day. Many people do have long term effects from it and a friend of mine from high school recently died of COVID after her family made the decision to take her off the ventilator. C-19 is very serious, it is not "just the flu", and many people do not know if they have an underlying condition that will make the disease worse for them. The amount of disinformation about COVID is mindboggling to say the least. Fortunately, most people who get it will recover and be fine.

Keep persevering. The quarantine period is only 14 days during or after which your mother will either have the disease or not have the disease. If possible, keep windows open to allow fresh air to enter the apartment and continue to wipe down surfaces that you touch with disinfectant. (Don't forget to wipe down doorknobs).

Can you cook food for yourself at night when your mother is in her room? Or make some sandwiches for yourself and keep them sealed in a package in the refrigerator so you know they are not "contaminated"? Or order takeout food that you can eat in your room? Take a shower at night when she is in her room? Do whatever you can to minimize your exposure to her exhaled breath. I assume she is wearing a mask and frequently washing her hands to protect you from getting C-19 from her. If she isn't doing that for you, then I'd find another place to live. Meanwhile, you're doing the best you can to survive this very trying period in your life.

I'm sending you my best wishes to get through this. It's an awful time but you can do this. Everyone here supports you totally so please vent as much as you need to deal with this.

Thank you so much for the wishes and support. I really need it right now.

I keep telling her to wear a mask but she isn't doing it much and definitely not in her room. I saw her in the kitchen without one after I told her to. Now she wants to get a haircut in the bathroom which has no window and is close to my room.

 

[All-Rounder]

Well, then, since you can do everything on your own and it sounds like you make enough to support yourself, move out and live independently or live with roommates, and let your mother fend for your own if she isn't respecting you and your boundaries properly.

Since you can't keep a job, keep applying to another one and keep trying until you find a way to make a job work.
You may have to sacrifice certain quirks or perceptions in order to survive on your own and make a living.
That is part of independence.

I can't get myself to keep applying and I asked for professional help, but it has yet to pay off.

In my country rent costs and prices are double as ones in US compared to the salaries, and people don't make it big, especially women. I don't have any special studies, I would qualify for the lowest salary and I don't think I will ever earn enough to maintain a rent. I don't plan on working fulltime anymore. I have changed myself a lot but I can't alter everything I am. My inabilities I can't alter for more than minutes, and I make mistakes in another field. It's really hard for me to do normal things.

My aquaintance who works fulltime almost can't handle food costs and wears old ragged clothes moving from rent to rent getting abused and her things stolen and destroyed from youth. I don't think I want that type of lifestyle. It's really hard out here. Walking rent to rent will leave me eventually hopeless and exhausted, and I would possibly have to pay to live through the same type of hell im in or a worse one. Here I have my items, for the most part. And I really don't want to move all my stuff every month.

I wish I could leave the country but I know that I will never be able to put in the work to get there and take the risks on my own. So I will be trying to live a Romanian life. I still want to get a job. Even if mom will keep on trying to make me feel worthless and unthankful for my help.

 

[Mary Terry]

@Rexi - It sounds like you need to stay where you are and try to find a part time job when this pandemic calms down. You're right to tell your mom that she must wear a mask in the apartment unless she is in her room with the door closed. If her room has windows, then she needs to open them to let in fresh air to dilute any germs in her breath, just in case she does have COVID.

Maybe you can spend part of each day outside somewhere else, away from the apartment, where you can breath freely and get some exercise, to reduce your potential exposure to your mother. I'm hoping that she doesn't have COVID and all these precautions are really not needed, but you can't know that unless she is tested. So keep on taking precautions to protect yourself while keeping an eye on your mother in case she does start feeling bad.

Meanwhile, are you feeling okay physically? If you start to feel any of the symptoms of COVID (headaches, aches and pains, cough, etc.), please try to see a doctor and get tested. Here in the US, the doctors would send you back home to deal with it on your own unless you are so sick that you need to be hospitalized, but I don't know what they are doing where you live. Probably the same thing as here, but that's just a guess by me.

Hang in there!

 

[Ursus Chainus]

I am sending positive energy and thoughts your way!

Sounds like you have more than one kind of vampire in Transylvania

 

[All-Rounder]

I cant be awake anight because she yells at people on the phone from early morning tolate at night, and tells me 'people should sleep at night'. I need to rest to be able to fight the virus.

Right now im crying bc she ate from my bread bag even though I gave her bread in a Red bag, and she doesn't seem to care enough about which is hers.

She doesn't wear mask because 'she gets ill'.

My 85 y o grandma is over since the quarantine is over bc mom thinks she magically doesn't have the virus if the 14 days are over, and so do most people here. And she is making excuses for why mom is a disregarding little worm.

 

[Ursus Chainus]

I cant be awake anight because she yells at people on the phone from early morning tolate at night, and tells me 'people should sleep at night'. I need to rest to be able to fight the virus.

Right now im crying bc she ate from my bread bag even though I gave her bread in a Red bag, and she doesn't seem to care enough about which is hers.

She doesn't wear mask because 'she gets ill'.

My 85 y o grandma is over since the quarantine is over bc mom thinks she magically doesn't have the virus if the 14 days are over, and so do most people here. And she is making excuses for why mom is a disregarding little worm.

This is horrible! I cannot even imagine being locked up with my abusers... She is doing everything horrible she can to get attention

She is so selfish and narcissistic. She is an energy vampire. I really hate the pattern!

Big heart, energy and healing thoughts your way!