Loneliness

[iamanders]

Do you feel lonely even when beeing around other people and how do you deal with it?
Personaly, I have a constant loneliness in my heart (and brain). This doesn't just dissapear when meeting people!

 

[arnoldmcguire335]

Happens sometimes esp. that you go to a party that's miles away from the place you live in, and even when you befriend them (both real life and online or both), you feel like they're not there for you. Thus the loneliness I get sometimes.

 

[iamanders]

Happens sometimes esp. that you go to a party that's miles away from the place you live in, and even when you befriend them (both real life and online or both), you feel like they're not there for you. Thus the loneliness I get sometimes.

so how do you solve that problem?

 

[arnoldmcguire335]

so how do you solve that problem?

Time on the Computer. Lots and lots of PC time. (Well that's all I can do since my mom is strict on me going out.)

 

[nowwhat]

Do you feel lonely even when beeing around other people and how do you deal with it?
Personaly, I have a constant loneliness in my heart (and brain). This doesn't just dissapear when meeting people!

Bro, even I feel lonely when genuinely concerned people are trying to reach out to me. Because their concern doesn't magically fix my brain and enable me to connect with people in the way that nearly everyone else can. Sometimes, I'd rather people didn't care. It would be easier and less awkward. And I wouldn't be reminded of how off and weird I am. Sometimes, I don't even feel human. I feel like a fricking alien of some different species.

 

[MoCoffee]

Bro, even I feel lonely when genuinely concerned people are trying to reach out to me. Because their concern doesn't magically fix my brain and enable me to connect with people in the way that nearly everyone else can. Sometimes, I'd rather people didn't care. It would be easier and less awkward. And I wouldn't be reminded of how off and weird I am. Sometimes, I don't even feel human. I feel like a fricking alien of some different species.

I have the same problem. I can't really connect with people, and I end up feeling guilty for not being a good friend. This is the only place I feel connected, and I think it's because, for the first time, someone doesn't want me to be something I'm not. We understand each other here, and that means so much to me!

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I have the same problem. I can't really connect with people, and I end up feeling guilty for not being a good friend. This is the only place I feel connected, and I think it's because, for the first time, someone doesn't want me to be something I'm not. We understand each other here, and that means so much to me!

MoCoffee I think you're a very special person. If you were here, I just know you would be one of my bestest friends! (Is "bestest" a word?) Your personality reminds me of my Mom (not in age) and she's my real bestest friend!

 

[S0093679]

I feel lonely, sometimes empty. I have only one or two friends and one of them is my partner. I have kids, I have a peer group. I even had a voluntary job until recently. But I still feel lonely and alone, except when Im with my true friends. I just cant seem hold conversations so I sit not saying anything and people don't say stuff to me, so they get bored and go away.

No idea how to fix it. Mostly Im happy just being on my own, but sometimes wish I had friends too.

 

[nowwhat]

I just cant seem hold conversations so I sit not saying anything and people don't say stuff to me, so they get bored and go away

If you and I ever went to the same party, one of us would be unnecessary!

 

[HD0917]

I always feel lonely. and I read fictions or watch movies to alleviate it, and it really works well. And I found some "peers" who have the same interest with me in the nerd club, but I still feel the loneliness intermittently, cuz I have no friend whom I can talk about myself. (I only talk about movies, fictions or animations with my nerd peers.) Actually I had one before, but she's now living far from here for exchange student. So I try to be even more fascinated with nerdy things to alleviate loneliness.

 

[Ricky]

I have a strong feeling of isolation. I prefer the word isolated more than lonely, in my case. I don't know... I've never really had a close relationship with anyone. I hung out with some friendes when I was a teenager, but that was about 15 years ago. Of course I hadn't heard of Aspergers back then, but I was allways considered as "the oddball", the "weird guy" or whatever. I'm still in contact with one of my childhood friends a couple times in a year. He and his wife still thinks I'm a weirdo, though! I haven't told them about my diagnosis (asperger/ADD), after all, we're not that close. But I'm glad we're still sort of friends.

However I feel pretty anxious because of this feeling of isolation. The feeling has increased in the past few years. Some of my family members died (of natural causes), and I have moved to a bigger city, where I literally don't know a single soul. But I felt I had to move away from my home town. I felt I couldn't handle it when everybody knew everybody's business. I was kind of a local looney in the city. Sure enough there we're other weirdos as well, as in all little towns! But I felt very strongly, that I just couldn't continue my life in that craphole of a town!

If you're seen the Gus Van Sant film Last days. There's this guy walking around alone the whole 90 minutes, and muttering to himself - that's just like me! I mean that's how I think I appear to other people. I don't mean to sound self pitying! I do enjoy life, I go to work, and I have my hobbies and all that stuff. I just feel that I don't have any kind of social identity. I've allways been an outcast, "that weird guy".

 

[Turk]

I find life a little ironic these days,
In pursuit of fitting in to the NT world, I watch, learn and mimic behavior to blend in. Sometimes, Im so good at it, I even convince myself Im lonely, or that I need friends. Its only in times of attempting friendship, do I realize that Ive immersed myself, too deep into the role. The pain and discomfort of maintaining this deception, can not be sustained, without some sort of meltdown. Only then, do I realize that loneliness, Is far less tiring, than the expectation of others. The only friendship Im interested in, at the moment, are with those of my own kind. Unfortunately I dont know any in my real life, so my options are limited. However the openess shared by you all, help me to feel like I belong somewhere

 

[brycin8tor]

I feel very lonely at times however what works for me, is if you just absorb yourself in chores and going out shopping and generally speaking, getting yourself out there like in social groups in the real life as that has benefited me immensely. But what works for me may not work for you so try different types of social interaction between people and see how it goes.

 

[Vanilla]

I think loneliness is generally expected with AS. I never used to be lonely as a child, as I was content playing by myself for hours. As an adult, my emotional needs have developed, and are much more complex, and suddenly I need to be with people occasionally.

As long as I have someone to share my thoughts, days, and a few hugs, I'm good, but finding someone is hard when nobody can relate to you. I can relate really well with others, so I often hold it against other people if they aren't willing to bother to understand me

 

[Judge]

I think loneliness is generally expected with AS. I never used to be lonely as a child, as I was content playing by myself for hours. As an adult, my emotional needs have developed, and are much more complex, and suddenly I need to be with people occasionally.

As long as I have someone to share my thoughts, days, and a few hugs, I'm good, but finding someone is hard when nobody can relate to you. I can relate really well with others, so I often hold it against other people if they aren't willing to bother to understand me

It's complicated. And yet I soooooooooooooo get this.

 

[nowwhat]

loneliness, Is far less tiring, than the expectation of others.

You've said a mouthful there, Turk. I've recently realized this, as well, and am deciding how to spend my time accordingly. The resulting choices are not always popular for a married man with kids, but I'm not much fun when I'm melting down and depressed from spending too much time trying to play normal around people, either.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I feel much more lonely among people than I do alone.

 

[Drake Marino]

Yes, all the time. It's called social isolation. My social circle has completely dissolved, and I'm really struggling trying to build a new one. I always feel most lonely when I'm in class and everyone else is socializing and acting like butt buddies. :/

 

[Thea]

I often feel lonely. Especially since I suffer from depression. I have close friends but I feel like nobody knows the true me. There are people who come close but even they have moments where sometimes I feel very alien. I was dating a guy and I wasn't lonely with him, I had a person that was "my" person, who I could share everything with and not worry if it was more than they wanted to know. I could touch as much as I wanted, I find I get really touch starved. I don't like to touch people I don't know well, I literally can't stand to touch some people and the people I am comfortable with I can hug but a hug isn't the same as just standing there with someone's arms wrapped around you, snuggling into their chest. Most hugs are a few seconds anyway, or else people get uncomfortable. But as I'm sure most of you have experienced the relationship ended. Now I'm lonely and touch starved again. Sometimes I feel almost trapped in my body. Like it's a size too small. Everyone I've told that gives me a weird look so I wondered if it was an Aspie thing? Maybe it's just a me thing.

 

[Vanilla]

Same here. However, I was an only child, grew up in a small family, and wasn't allowed to have "friends" over until I was in my late teens. All of my time was spent alone, so I was content to play by myself since that's all I knew. I really don't get lonely now, or at least in the sense as I understand lonely, like the dark side of the moon. I like the idea of knowing there are a few folks out there that care about me with whom I can spend time on occasion, but that interaction is something I don't crave or require.

You weren't allowed friends over?