Long distance relationship ended

[Zidiane]

Hi, I was diagnosed with Asperger's at a young age. I don't meet people very often, and I have a hard time talking to new people. But I met a girl in December. She was really great. We had been talking a lot (~15k messages between us, if my estimate is correct). She told me that it wasn't a relationship, but it was very confusing because we would do things that people in a relationship did. And she would get jealous of this girl at my job, and of this girl who I asked to the movies, and she would say she cared about me, amoung other things. But, just last week she told me she's going to be dating someone else and so we can't talk much anymore. Which is really, really hard now. I really liked her a lot. And it wasn't just that I liked her, she soothed a lot of problems I have, and was just all around fun to talk to. Here's a little clip of something I said to her after she told me we were done (there was more in the blog entry, but it's a lot; I'm also not even sure she read all of it, or even to this point):

"I am a better person with you than I thought I could be. When I get bitter, or say or do something stupid, you know exactly how to maneuver me back to my normal self. When my mind and heart is seized by fear and I feel so much pressure that I can't even breath, you almost magically, with a snap of your fingers, pull me back to reality. When I'm stuck, nearly catatonic, completely paralyzed by apathy, you're the defibrillator that makes my heart beat again, that jolts me back to life. You do all this for me and more, many times when I don't even realize I need your help... but I don't think you realize just how much you do. I feel like... for the first time, talking to you, I feel genuine joy. It's like I actually enjoy living and want to experience more of what life has for me."

This is what this girl did for me. But now she's gone, and she's never coming back (even though we aren't on no-talking terms, the person she was when she helped me is nowhere in sight). I don't know what to do. I'm stuck, worse than I've ever been stuck before. She would be able to fix me I'm sure, even if it was something else making me stuck, but I'm on my own now. I don't know what to do.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Use her memory to add a new inner voice to your thoughts: the things she said and did that made you want to be, and then to become, a better person. There is no better way to honor what you had, or to take it forward into the future.

 

[Zidiane]

Use her memory to add a new inner voice to your thoughts: the things she said and did that made you want to be, and then to become, a better person. There is no better way to honor what you had, or to take it forward into the future.

I don't think that will be possible for me right now, if at all. It was a combination of what she said, when she said it, and the intentions behind what she said that made everything right with me. It's... hard to describe. Maybe if I had her in my life for longer or if we had been in person it would be easier to conceptualize, but it's hard to do this right now. Maybe I can try later. After the hurt goes away completely.

 

[qwerty]

There is no pain quite like a broken heart. I hope in time you come to see that having her in your life and feeling accepted, soothed and understood is a blessing she has given you, a blessing that allows you to realise that the peace she brought into your life is a gift that you can share with others, to truly listen, to respect anothers boundaries to lend shelter from the storm. know that you too can share with another the gifts she bestowed on you. The importance of peace, respect and love are immeasurable and the one true redeeming quality that a human may possess. it may seem trite to hear this at the moment while the pain is fresh and raw, I hope in time you come to cherish the feeling of sharing that gift with others, hopefully so much that your feelings of belonging and care and acceptance etc.. are the feelings that bloom in your heart freely whenever you offer the same to others. ((HUGS))