Long Term Relationships

[LeroyT1000]

I'm 34 nearly 35 and my longest relationship has been 10 months but that was filled with problems. I've lived with one girl for 6 months but I just found her annoying and she thought she understood me but she never did. I'm not sure if I've been in love. I've had intense feelings but only when a girl has been a challenge in certain ways. Wanting what seems beyond my reach has always been a habit of mine.

What are your experiences and do you think that if I met a woman with ASD then I might have a longstanding relationship? Or am I destined to be the Bingo hall stud in thirty years lol!!!

 

[weth]

I don't think you should set limits on what or even who u want. It's hard as an aspie to ask a women out but have you tried Internet dating ?
Not sure if being in a relationship with an aspie would work or not tbh what are / were the issues with your previous relationships too much commitment or breaks ur routines too much ?

 

[LeroyT1000]

I don't think you should set limits on what or even who u want. It's hard as an aspie to ask a women out but have you tried Internet dating ?
Not sure if being in a relationship with an aspie would work or not tbh what are / were the issues with your previous relationships too much commitment or breaks ur routines too much ?

I'm actually not bad at asking women out. They think I'm a great catch till my NT mask starts slipping lol then they are totally confused. I'm a nightmare to live with because I'm just pretending this is what life is about when what I'm really thinking is.... She doesn't understand me she's too emotional and takes me the wrong way and no I don't want to spend Sunday visiting your mum and dad and go shopping....I would rather stay in bed and Google song chords and play guitar lol!

 

[weth]

Haha I've been there dude I was with a girl and it only kinda worked because I saw her 3 times a week as soon as it became more serious the cracks appeared and the inevitable happened. U just need to find someone that's willing to accept who u are and what u are like too. Online at least u can create that profile be brutally honest about yourself then see what happens

 

[LeroyT1000]

Haha I've been there dude I was with a girl and it only kinda worked because I saw her 3 times a week as soon as it became more serious the cracks appeared and the inevitable happened. U just need to find someone that's willing to accept who u are and what u are like too. Online at least u can create that profile be brutally honest about yourself then see what happens

Yeah I've done online but hard to find a good site where you don't have to pay so I gave up. Yeah these days I'm honest I've got my career head on these days once again so I will just go with the flow and see what happens on the woman front

 

[weth]

Good for you and best of luck

 

[zoedundas]

My one and only long term relationship lasted 6 years then collapsed. Living with someone else was really hard I often just wanted my own space and I didn't feel like he supported me. I cared about him but I'm not sure I was ever really in love. I didn't know then that I might be on the spectrum but I've had other mental health diagnosis that he knew about. Now I'm kind of confused because I've met a woman I really like in a way that has never happened to me before.
I guess there's hope for everyone, even me. It's like when you just meet someone who gets you. It doesn't even have to be a romantic relationship although I think it'd be great to be in love.

 

[weth]

Is that more because they get you though or because u find them attractive and "like" them that way ?

 

[Bumbalina]

Profile without a photograph. That's what I did. Meant I could have a look about without getting idiots sending me pictures of their manhood!

My first communication with Neil was "I like your tattoos" and he replied "i don't usually talk to people without a photo" 3 years later we are married.

 

[zoedundas]

Is that more because they get you though or because u find them attractive and "like" them that way ?

I think I like them because they get me. I can just be myself with them. Usually I find it really hard to be relaxed and talk to people so when I find someone I can be open with I guess I become attached.

 

[weth]

Give it a shot what's the worst that could happen ? If u have a chance at happiness love even it's worth it

 

[lfields1]

I think what is problematic with AS males is getting women using a NT persona. This is a problem, because when that mask slips (and it will) you are showing that women another person. She basically met your false public representative and that's not cool, because you gave her one picture then flipped it later on and expected her to be 'okay' with this new person that showed up out of nowhere.

Now that NT woman is confused with the new behavior she's seeing that this person hid, I mean that's no way to start off a relationship. There is someone for everybody, you have to be yourself and be true to yourself and let people know what they are dealing with up front if you are looking for longevity.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

I think what is problematic with AS males is getting women using a NT persona. This is a problem, because when that mask slips (and it will) you are showing that women another person. She basically met your false public representative and that's not cool, because you gave her one picture then flipped it later on and expected her to be 'okay' with this new person that showed up out of nowhere.

Now that NT woman is confused with the new behavior she's seeing that this person hid, I mean that's no way to start off a relationship. There is someone for everybody, you have to be yourself and be true to yourself and let people know what they are dealing with up front if you are looking for longevity.

i am always clear about my Asperger's early on (like the second date) and i don't really have a NT persona if someone's got that far they are already quite aware of me being odd and different and how i act as an aspie (though they might not know much about Asperger's).

 

[Beverly]

LeroyT1000 I can relate, I have the same problem. I'm an amazing catch until that façade drops then mass confusion ensues for my partner and, it take me a good month to sort that, if I can convince them to stay around that long. I pretty much gave up on the ide of dating outside my inner circle after my divorce.

I don't really want a commited partner right now, my career comes first and, dating one of my badn or crew while we're performing is not a good idea, anyone else would be trapped in my shadow, having to cater to my schedule, my need for down time and, my through the roof touring stress levels. I can't do that to anyone. Even another Aspie wouldn't want to live with a partner that went through a shutdown every night she wasn't too high to even think about relaxing.

My band and crew are one thing, they have been with me long enough to know when to steer clear and let me do my thing, bringing somone else I cared for into this, no, that would be cruel and unusual punishment when all they would have done is try to love me.