Looking for a sense of purpose in life.

[Metalhead]

I am not trying to sound 1000% emo here, but I do feel like I have been stuck in a rut for a while. While my job gives me some satisfaction, the countless hours I spend sitting in front of my television when I am not working is getting rather depressing, even when I am enjoying the movies I am watching or games I am playing.

I guess I want to feel like I am a part of something that is much larger than myself. I do kinda get that from my job, but my job is only PT, and I think I need to figure out some way to get that in my spare time. I have thought about volunteering, but the random scheduling at my job would make that kinda difficult as my work schedule changes every week. I want to be more reliable for a volunteer job than that, if that makes any sense.

I know the Mary Jane smoke is not helping me out much with that, neither is the Xbox One/PS5 gaming.

Maybe I could start a weekend meetup group that focuses on hobbies that I always wanted to engage in but never really allowed myself to - like a classic literature book club, for example, or an amateur film critic discussion group.

I do know that the longer I keep doing what I have been doing, the more emo I am going to end up becoming.

 

[Misery]

I went through something like this a few months ago. Nothing about "sense of purpose", that's not really my thing. As far as I'm concerned, my "purpose" is to make my dog happy. No, I mean the bit about being stuck in a rut when at home, getting more and more depressed and messed up. While I enjoy my gaming and computer use, it had gotten too.... repetitive? And it eventually ended in the worst anxiety attack I've had in ages.

What did the trick was not trying to do any big epic thing, but simply branching out and trying a few new hobbies. I got into board games for one.... while I play those solo, it still meant that I soon would learn about and meet a whole giant community I've never seen before. And I'm starting to learn to do some art. Like, I'm freaking terrible at it, but I've got the supplies and the books and resources to eventually produce something that doesnt suck.

Both of these things also lead into the idea of producing something for others to enjoy. With the art it's pretty obvious... I mean that's the whole bloody point. I'm looking into brush lettering & calligraphy in particular, because..... because. But even with board games, after enough time with them, I thought to myself... it'd be totally awesome if I could design one myself, that others might enjoy. These are things, then, that can be productive in a way. Though in all honesty, even video games are productive depending on how they are done; hell, I've worked heavily on one that was indeed released on Steam, and I do mods for other games sometimes. It's neat to create something, and then watch others enjoying whatever it is (provided that it doesnt bug out, of course). And that's important to me... if I can brighten up someone's day even a bit, I've done a job way more important than anything I could do working at the bloody Walmart or whatever.

Any new hobby can lead into all sorts of opportunities that you could never expect... that's something I've learned so many times over in the last decade. You dont need to be running an entire meetup group or something, in order to achieve some sort of accomplishment. Just get out there and try a genuinely new hobby, and see where it takes you. You dont need to stop your other hobbies.... just add a new one to the mix, and follow the trail it creates for you. You might seriously be surprised at where it takes you, or how much it improves your mood and mental wellbeing. I know I sure was.

There, I'm done.

 

[Peter Morrison]

From my own experience, the best way to get out of a rut is by refusing to travel in one. That means you have to stop the routine and break the cycles that put you into the rut. The rut is like a magnet - stay away from it. You have the right ideas - join a club, volunteer, etc., but you really want to get out of the rut which is governed by the rut routine. Consider not going home after work. Go to a library to get a book to read, or buy a newspaper and sit in a cafe. Walk through a park - commit to 1 hour of walking in a place you have never walked before. Try to find a class that is taught at a convenient time. Whatever you do, break the routine. Being in a rut is not an ASD issue. I think it is from a society that has fewer and fewer reasons for humans to interact face-to-face. We all love the TV and the Internet. They are captivating, not to mention that they also serve a purpose. Get a hobby or some activity that keeps you away from the routine that clearly doesn't agree with you. Most people will say that exercise is good for you physically and mentally. I tend to agree. Do whatever interests you that interrupts the rut routine, even if it is only 2 days a week. Something is better than nothing.

 

[Thinx]

You sound like you are moving towards further positive action. You have some ideas, and maybe just need to keep on taking small steps to make the ideas happen. Changing your routine a little in manageable ways that you enjoy or can cope with is a good goal. Television and gaming and recreational drugs are all addictive, so finding a likeable substitute that you can transfer some time to gradually, makes good sense. Cafés are interesting to spend time in. Walking a while in new places. A gentle activity like swimming or cycling. A class to attend. Gradual doable steps, doing stuff that works for you. Enjoy!

 

[Metalhead]

You sound like you are moving towards further positive action. You have some ideas, and maybe just need to keep on taking small steps to make the ideas happen. Changing your routine a little in manageable ways that you enjoy or can cope with is a good goal. Television and gaming and recreational drugs are all addictive, so finding a likeable substitute that you can transfer some time to gradually, makes good sense. Cafés are interesting to spend time in. Walking a while in new places. A gentle activity like swimming or cycling. A class to attend. Gradual doable steps, doing stuff that works for you. Enjoy!

On afterthought, all of this is much less of an issue during the summer, when I usually walk home from work, which is a good six mile hike through hilly urban terrain. Winter weather makes that a lot less appealing to me.

Maybe I could sign up for a gym membership for the time being? The question is, would I actually use it often enough to justify the cost?

 

[Thinx]

Yes changes in the weather affect walking. All I do at the leisure centre is swim, but I enjoy it. I go about 2 or 3 times a week. Could you maybe also get basic outdoor wear that is warm and rain proof? Having that makes bad weather less off putting, I find!

 

[VAW]

I am not trying to sound 1000% emo here, but I do feel like I have been stuck in a rut for a while. While my job gives me some satisfaction, the countless hours I spend sitting in front of my television when I am not working is getting rather depressing, even when I am enjoying the movies I am watching or games I am playing.

I guess I want to feel like I am a part of something that is much larger than myself. I do kinda get that from my job, but my job is only PT, and I think I need to figure out some way to get that in my spare time. I have thought about volunteering, but the random scheduling at my job would make that kinda difficult as my work schedule changes every week. I want to be more reliable for a volunteer job than that, if that makes any sense.

I know the Mary Jane smoke is not helping me out much with that, neither is the Xbox One/PS5 gaming.

Maybe I could start a weekend meetup group that focuses on hobbies that I always wanted to engage in but never really allowed myself to - like a classic literature book club, for example, or an amateur film critic discussion group.

I do know that the longer I keep doing what I have been doing, the more emo I am going to end up becoming.

My son went through that also, I heard many times he didn't want to live this meaningless life anymore. Then he started going to the GYM and working out with his brother... he has really changed!!! His depression is almost never an issue anymore, he says he feels better than he ever has in his whole life (he is 31 now) His doctor said all his lab work came back good (from his U.C.) He changed his whole diet and he really is happier. He gets out ….. That has made a world of difference for him. Does that sound like something you may want to do?

 

[Gracey]

If you always do what you've always done,
You'll always get what you've always got

change things up a little.

Contributing to the group here is being part of something bigger, in it's own way.

On that six mile walk home,
change the experience by changing your perception?
focus on the positive and awe inspiring rather than the chore.
(share it here?)

making some tiny changes to your routines and comfort zones can enhance your experiences of your 'day to day'

 

[Metalhead]

I feel like sitting around and whining for awhile.
It is not going to get me anywhere, but whining is a basic human right. At least I like to tell myself that. Listen to me complain and moan about how life sucks. Isn’t that what living is all about?

Building myself up takes actual effort and time. Smoking weed does not, and it eases my need to whine quite well. Shame none of my friends want to drive me to the dispensary, telling me they do not want me looking at the easy way out and that I should focus on working the 12 steps instead. Those bastards, actually caring about me and not letting me put off work that I know I need to do!

So, I am posting here as an excuse to put off working on the homework my new sponsor gave to me. I have a week to get it done, and I could get it done today, but I am feeling a complete aversion towards productivity right now. Playing Halo is more fun, anyway.

I will get over this eventually. Don’t mind me.