Looking for support for adult daughter

[VTdad]

Hello
Father here looking for support for our daughter.
She was diagnosed over 10 years ago in Boston by Dr Rosen, if anyone is familiar with him.
High functioning. People are often not able to notice it, but it has created an incredibly difficult and often painful life.
Recently she entered her 30’s, and came to the summation that she’s never going to have a relationship nor children.
Add now being terminated from her job last week, and we have a very distraught human being that her mother and I are trying desperately to find a new avenue for.
We’ve run out of words and suggestions.
Up until now, she has never wanted to discuss nor admit her condition.
I believe she is finally ready to face it and seek better guidance than we can provide.
My goal is to get her on here.
We had a bad experience when she was a teen, being placed with people with extremely severe autism, which led to her blocking the whole thing and not wanting to try a different avenue.
Local support does not exist for her. At least not to our understanding.
Thanks in advance for your time,
Ron

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome, Ron. Do you think there’s any chance your daughter would want to join the forum and talk to other autistic people herself?

 

[AprilR]

Hello. I am also in my 30s, and i learnt about it over 10 years ago. My situation is very similar with your daughter. I hope if it is possible, i would like to talk to her too, if she ends up signing up here.

Talking with similar people here really helped me express myself better and feel better about my life too.

 

[VTdad]

Hello and welcome, Ron. Do you think there’s any chance your daughter would want to join the forum and talk to other autistic people herself?

That’s the goal.
She has been very apprehensive about the whole thing since we had her diagnosed.
I’m trying to figure out how to word it carefully so she will willingly choose to reach out.
One day she’s onboard to seek guidance.
Next day she can have a change of heart.

 

[VTdad]

Hello. I am also in my 30s, and i learnt about it over 10 years ago. My situation is very similar with your daughter. I hope if it is possible, i would like to talk to her too, if she ends up signing up here.

Talking with similar people here really helped me express myself better and feel better about my life too.

The little bit that I’ve read around the this forum, I’m pretty confident she would fit in.
Taking the first step is the hurdle.
She’s out now looking for another job. Hopefully I can offer this avenue to her tonight.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Acceptance can be a difficult thing for some. Not uncommon.

Some people try so darn hard to be like everyone else that they don't appreciate the gifts of individuality. As autistics, at some point in our lives, we simply have to learn to adapt and overcome. We cannot read "self help" books, take courses, and watch videos on how to be successful in life, because they are for "others". We cannot take advice from non-autistic folks, such as loving parents, for the simple reason that are brains are different, down to the micro-anatomy, and function following form, we think differently. Our entire perspective on life and how our sensory systems integrate our environment can be different from others. So, integrating well-meaning and loving advice from others might be impossible. The vision and destination might be there, but the pathways are often different. We may understand what needs to be done, but our brain's "hardware and software" often prevent it from happening. It can be quite frustrating. We can easily fall into a depressive state thinking we are failures, when in fact, we are likely just lost in the woods looking for a pathway. Life becomes a series of repeated trials and errors. We are often delayed in finding our pathways and destinations through life. We might not find success in life and peace with our condition until we are in our 50's or beyond.

Imagine your brain like a computer. 90+% are running on Microsoft compatible hardware and software systems. The entire world around you is designed around that operating system. However, you are a Mac, running a MacOS. It may SEEM as if the two computers are doing the same things, but what you don't see is that the processes from getting from "input A" to "output B" can be quite different. You cannot read a manual on Microsoft operating systems, follow the directions, and achieve the desired results if you are on a MacOS.

@VTdad, send her our way and perhaps we can help her out with a few things.