lost a few friends because I’m not religious.

[Dillon]

I have been loosing some so called friends earlier in the week like I thought these were people I could trust and who cared for me.
I noticed people from my campus who were religious spreading the word of god and such had an uptight selfish attitude. Knowing this from experience at the beginning of the semester we have a church group on campus and everyone seemed welcoming and I knew some people who I thought were my friends the first year I started.

I was actually enjoying myself with the worship and activities we did and I thought I was making connections with the people in there. We have these things called family groups where we split up in small groups that we want to be with for the duration until we graduate and I actually liked...until things changed within the people in my group.

A month ago we were opening up about our life stories and I had opened up about being an aspie and how I wasn’t allowed to go to church because my dad prohibited it. The people seemed to care a lot but as a few weeks went by they became distant from me and I didn’t know why and it was because I did not fully understand the Christian foundation...so I couldn’t be friends with those people anymore all because of that. My family group did not talk to me any longer because of that while a few people I had known quit talking to me when they found out I was an aspie.

So I lost some friends even some ones who I thought were long time ones because I was not like them. I thought I had found a club where I had belonged but with quite a few people saying how “we do not judge anyone based on appearance or beliefs and accept anyone into our home” when it is hypocritical that they were judging me.

Also noticing quite a few of them had that selfish attitude the more I got to know them to where I don’t want to be influenced by that. Its funny but not really the more you know a person the more of their true colors they show which may affect you in a negative way. I no longer care though cause those people are transferring to another school and I can start fresh but it’s the point though.

I wish people would just accept one another without the judgement of oh you’re not perfect or you don’t have the things that I have.
There outside groups where I feel like I belong but that’s just when I my and some friends go somewhere for a good time so a social group is what I call it. When it comes to particular clubs it doesn’t work out for me.

Does anyone else experience a group setting where you just don’t belong?

 

[Mr Allen]

If they fell out with you because you don't share their beliefs, they weren't that good friends anyway IMO.

 

[Autistamatic]

I think many of us, maybe most of us have felt that outsider feeling at some time in their lives. It's a very disappointing aspect of human nature.
I'm also saddened that people who call themselves Christians could behave in such a nasty manner. I'm no believer, but I do know that sort of behaviour is totally contrary to Jesus' teachings.

 

[Dillon]

I had these groups of people saying oh I’m here to suppot you and if you ever need anything I’ll be there (which I don’t like care people aren’t there all the time). I’m lead to believe that so I depend on that person only to find out I’m being stabbed in the back kind of like in this setting I described earlier. True friends don’t ignore and criticize and especially don’t tell anyone what personal things you have going on since I found out that was happening last week with the same group of people and I finally told myself that I am done.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Unfortunately, people who are religious are prone to being as judgemental and full of it as anyone else. What's worse though is that they can, and often will, use their religion as a justification for that rather than trying to be better people.

It's best to not take people's words to heart if you don't know them well enough. If they prove to be a person who practices what they preach, then that's different. But lots of people will say they are this and that to make themselves look good, but that's all it is--them trying to make themselves look good.

You can't change who they are. You can only distance yourself from such people and try to find people who will accept you for you, or maybe wait it out to see if they become less cold towards you. Sometimes, people will act weird towards people they view as "different" because they don't know how else to react, but they come around with time. This could be the case, but I'm not sure.

 

[puzzlingbill]

I had these groups of people saying oh I’m here to suppot you and if you ever need anything I’ll be there (which I don’t like care people aren’t there all the time). I’m lead to believe that so I depend on that person only to find out I’m being stabbed in the back kind of like in this setting I described earlier. True friends don’t ignore and criticize and especially don’t tell anyone what personal things you have going on since I found out that was happening last week with the same group of people and I finally told myself that I am done.

Sounds like some experiences I've had. To me it's a big deal to call someone a friend, and I found out the hard way that some people are much more casual about who they call friend. So they'll say all the right things, but that doesn't give you a clue about what they're saying when you're not there and whether they'll be there when the chips are down. I've learned to watch out for people like that, to try to avoid experiences like what you've described.

 

[Cactus]

Absolutely! I am an atheist. I don't proclaim it, because I consider religious folk dangerous. I've lost two friends because I told them I was an atheist. If anyone asks me, I tell them my deity is the Ice Cream Bunny. May the Bunny be with you.

I don't believe the Earth is flat, that gravity is fiction, that man and dinosaurs lived at the same time, that evolution is propaganda, that atheists are the spawn of the devil, or that god (choose deity here) saves you a parking space if you pray hard enough.

 

[Dillon]

Absolutely! I am an atheist. I don't proclaim it, because I consider religious folk dangerous. I've lost two friends because I told them I was an atheist. If anyone asks me, I tell them my deity is the Ice Cream Bunny. May the Bunny be with you.

I don't believe the Earth is flat, that gravity is fiction, that man and dinosaurs lived at the same time, that evolution is propaganda, that atheists are the spawn of the devil, or that god (choose deity here) saves you a parking space if you pray hard enough.

I say I’m a Christian but honestly I don’t affiliate with any sort of religion but know that something was out there that did create life on earth and the perils of it.
I’ve been told I was an atheist and still do all because I listen to metal music. I do listen to black and death metal and there’s an automatic assumption that I’m the spawn of the devil. When music comes into play I do not bring religion into it further more I don’t like people’s religous views being crammed down my throat. Let me be me not rolling the rest of the crowd who wants to convert you into something else
Even if I was an atheist I wouldn’t mind since sometimes I believe god is not there for me even when I needed him most. Everyone is different.

 

[puzzlingbill]

Absolutely! I am an atheist. I don't proclaim it, because I consider religious folk dangerous. I've lost two friends because I told them I was an atheist. If anyone asks me, I tell them my deity is the Ice Cream Bunny. May the Bunny be with you.

I don't believe the Earth is flat, that gravity is fiction, that man and dinosaurs lived at the same time, that evolution is propaganda, that atheists are the spawn of the devil, or that god (choose deity here) saves you a parking space if you pray hard enough.

I used to say that I subscribe to the Sgt. Joe Friday philosophy of life: "Just the facts, ma'am." Haven't in a while because the show was so long ago I'm not sure how many people would get the reference. And, actually, I have a couple of the Ice Cream Bunny's "special eggs" in the freezer at the moment, so my wife and I will have an ICB ceremony later.,

 

[TheFreeCat]

Rejoice! You have just shed many pounds of anxiety, trauma, and confusion.

I love it when I lose friends like that. What a burden that you did not even have to cast off! They cast themselves off.

How lucky you are. Usually I have to TELL people to stop being pests and leave me alone.

 

[Dillon]

Rejoice! You have just shed many pounds of anxiety, trauma, and confusion.

I love it when I lose friends like that. What a burden that you did not even have to cast off! They cast themselves off.

How lucky you are. Usually I have to TELL people to stop being pests and leave me alone.

I’m actually glad the people who I knew for a while aren’t no longer in my life I would be upset but honestly I am not. Realizing when I’m around these types of negative people I get absorbed into their mentality; in other words they want me to be like them, to have shared their beliefs and values when I’m not thinking on my own.

 

[TempeFan]

Truth is my deity. I believe in anything that is good, honest, fair and kind. Me and my best friend of 30 odd years both had very difficult childhoods, with no family to count on. We both always behaved in the manner that christian pamphlets advertise people should. I believed that my good words and deeds would protect me from harm and make me acceptable, so people would stop hating me so I could one day have the life I earned. She believed that some benevolent being, who had never shown any kindness or decency in the past would provide her with a bright future if she lived right and prayed hard enough. Both belief systems failed us miserably, as did all the hypocrites that were created and put in our paths. Still the false hope got us through some rather humble beginnings, while The Powers That Be made all the dishonest, unfair, cruel, bad people around us very rich and successful by granting all their wishes. To keep her faith up during her worst times, she tended to gravitate toward people who put up the false fronts & spouted the rhetoric and away from those whose faith was rooted IRL, sometimes that included me, but true solid friendships outlast stuff like that.

 

[sidd851]

There's a seductive quality, to the way inclusion feels. When a group makes you part of their beliefs, talks, and information.
"Accepts" you.

It can feel even more "special" when they talk privately about "not us".
After all, you are obviously one of us, or you wouldn't be here to listen.

This "special" feeling can be intensified further when we are included in talks about one of their own that doesn't quite "live up"
to the groups expectation(s). That you are being included in internal discussions and judgements about other members obviously means that your actions must be above reproach, you're in the "in" crowd, the elite.
The "creme de la creme".

What most people think, is that they are discussing an individual or individuals because they pose a problem or difficulty---
This is a special instance that needs to be given special attention.

The truth of the matter in most of these cases is that there are always "special matters", the individual(s) just keep changing.
When a group is founded on exclusionary principles, when it's driving force is exclusionism, there is no limit to how exclusionary it can become.

To further complicate this, is that the group itself may proclaim a policy of "universal acceptance".
Beware especially, of groups that claim to accept all, always seem to be recruiting members, but are ever growing smaller.

It can be a tough lesson, after feeling so "special" and included, to find that you are being discussed in "private meetings".

This is the fickle nature of groups based on exclusionism.
In an "us vs. them" environment, the "us" is ever shrinking, and the "them" is ever growing.

I have found, that the better something sounds, the better and more desirable it feels, the more the reason to doubt and investigate it.
It took me some time to learn this fully.
It is human nature to want to belong, especially if it is inviting--- the better it seems, the more we want to be a part of it.
It goes against the grain to be more wary, the better something sounds.

You're an amazing person, a dedicated student, and a pretty cool dude, @Dillon Campbell , let those that don't recognize that fall by the wayside.
You're on your way to better things, and people will recognize that, and appreciate you for who you are.

sidd

 

[Progster]

I've had the experience that I thought I was accepted by a particular group at work, only to find that they have been discussing me behind my back in meetings and that I'm a problem for them because of some aspects of my personality or behaviour and need to be managed.

I don't really understand this, if you are not religious as the thread title suggests, then why would you join a church group? I'm not at all religious or spiritual and such groups are a no-go area for me, I would most definitely not belong. Religion is something that I often have to agree to disagree on with people - really, there is no problem, as long as they don't preach to me or try to convert me, or, even worse, feel sorry for me because I haven't found Jesus yet. Likewise, I need to refrain from imposing my views on others - my views are just opinions and nothing personal, but so many people take it personally when I express an opinion that is different to theirs. This is one thing I have never understood about people.

 

[Mary Terry]

Does anyone else experience a group setting where you just don’t belong?[/QUOTE]

Yes. Church people. Worst hypocrites in the world.

 

[Mr Allen]

Controversial opinion 1: Religion is the root of most Wars IMO, even Star Wars because the Emperor wanted to kill all the Jedi,.

 

[TempeFan]

Religion is the root of most Wars IMO, even Star Wars because the Emperor wanted to kill all the Jedi,.

Before monarchies and faux democracies started popping up, in every land the top dictator in power was always a religious leader who used deceit and ignorance and superstitions to keep people in line. Nothing much has changed. It's still the powerful few spreading hate and predjudice, creating zealots, organizing armies and oppressing the huddled masses, using total dishonesty and extreme violence to retain wealth and power.

Yeah, just ask a Native American. They will tell you all about it.

 

[Judge]

When I think of "religion", the first thing that comes to mind isn't God, dogma or ritual.

- It's fellowship.

While being central to religion, fellowship itself remains daunting to so many of us on the spectrum of autism. Though personally I've never felt a need to have religion- or fellowship just to acknowledge God.

 

[TempeFan]

When a group is founded on exclusionary principles, when it's driving force is exclusionism, there is no limit to how exclusionary it can become.

When people get excluded from a religious cult because they clash with the guy in charge and won't conform to his set of arbitrary rules, they start a new sect. According to wikipedia Christianity has 2.42 billion of them.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend - as it suits the agenda of the ruling class. Alliances are formed to entice additional groups of people to steal for the main backstabbing bully who scapegoated some minority to use as a unifying "enemy" to rally against. Tag you're it! Next war, history will repeat itself again and it will be another gang bang, with each country scrambling to join the winning side and seize the glory and the spoils.

I accompanied my bestie to a few of the churches she attended. One of them had a woman's group that was very welcoming at first. I suspect I was one of their conversion projects being discussed in "private meetings", but I enjoyed the fellowship very much at the ice cream socials and BBQs and field trips. They let me sing along. Then they invited me to perform acappella at each Sunday service for a few months. Then someone took offense to the song I sang, Bless the Beasts and the Children. (below) Then I was demonized. all acceptence ended. So did my tithing.

 

[Dillon]

sidd[/QUOTE]

There's a seductive quality, to the way inclusion feels. When a group makes you part of their beliefs, talks, and information.
"Accepts" you.

It can feel even more "special" when they talk privately about "not us".
After all, you are obviously one of us, or you wouldn't be here to listen.

This "special" feeling can be intensified further when we are included in talks about one of their own that doesn't quite "live up"
to the groups expectation(s). That you are being included in internal discussions and judgements about other members obviously means that your actions must be above reproach, you're in the "in" crowd, the elite.
The "creme de la creme".

What most people think, is that they are discussing an individual or individuals because they pose a problem or difficulty---
This is a special instance that needs to be given special attention.

The truth of the matter in most of these cases is that there are always "special matters", the individual(s) just keep changing.
When a group is founded on exclusionary principles, when it's driving force is exclusionism, there is no limit to how exclusionary it can become.

To further complicate this, is that the group itself may proclaim a policy of "universal acceptance".
Beware especially, of groups that claim to accept all, always seem to be recruiting members, but are ever growing smaller.

It can be a tough lesson, after feeling so "special" and included, to find that you are being discussed in "private meetings".

This is the fickle nature of groups based on exclusionism.
In an "us vs. them" environment, the "us" is ever shrinking, and the "them" is ever growing.

I have found, that the better something sounds, the better and more desirable it feels, the more the reason to doubt and investigate it.
It took me some time to learn this fully.
It is human nature to want to belong, especially if it is inviting--- the better it seems, the more we want to be a part of it.
It goes against the grain to be more wary, the better something sounds.

You're an amazing person, a dedicated student, and a pretty cool dude, @Dillon Campbell , let those that don't recognize that fall by the wayside.
You're on your way to better things, and people will recognize that, and appreciate you for who you are.

sidd

I really appreciate that and need that compliment, thank you!
I’m just sick and tired of being ridiculed and criticized by various people at this campus I am on that I cannot wait to get done sooner. The whole church group I’ve been in everyone of those people around my age or a little younger have cars, licenses, and various things and I don’t have none of that. They want to talk about how we shouldn’t worry about the little things we have and don’t but yet it’s hypocritical when they talk about what types of cars or rims they have and how they are so glad they have one when I’m working my butt off for these things in a slow process, living with a single mom who is struggling financially and is going back to school because of it and I’m helping her anyway I can. I’m going to be taking my driving test by the end of this year so I’ll get that out of the way but I come to realize when I’m getting these things I want it’s not making me any happier than I am now.
The factors of not having the various things others have makes me more of an outcast at this campus, more than being excluded from a group because I’m an aspie and I can care less anymore knowing that these things will come eventually and if anyone has a problem then that’s there own. I do not have a problem at all loosing as many friends as I’m loosing now cause at the end of the day there’s a slim chance I’ll ever see them again my whole life. I still have that doubt if I’m ever going to be perfect like anyone else but I decided that does not even matter anymore.