Termicater
New Member
Hi all,
I've been reading threads on the group for a while, as my (now ex) partner is an Aspie, and have found comfort in getting insight and finding ways to understand his behaviour.
Today we broke up, after what has been, to me, the most amazing 14 months of my life.
6 months into the relationship, (with monthly visits to him) he decided to move 400 miles to be with me. It was never going to be easy, I have 3 teenage children, and their father had only moved out 2 months prior to my partner coming to England (we'd been split a lot longer) We didn't move in together, but he did stay with me and my children for one month, whilst he got himself a place to stay, a job etc. This was far from easy, as my children were still raw from their father leaving, and were quite disruptive, naturally when presented with my new love, particularly as he is somewhat intolerant of many people/Particularly children who are noisy or unruly. I understand his disdain.
After he moved out, we had a great summer, did everything together, limited the time spent at my place (much to the further unsettlement of my children, hence making any future contact more difficult) and I can honestly say, he is/was the love of my life. My best friend, I adored him, and he did me. He was great at expressing this, and would make me feel loved, and secure. We planned a future together. Set goals, and worked together towards achieving them.
4 months into our bliss in England, and his rages, and intolerance towards people, colleagues, housemates, and my children grew worse. I would be at the brunt of regular bouts of verbal abuse over anything and everything. 9 out of 10 times, I'd done nothing wrong, but simply been the closest person to him to fire at. He would always apologise (after a few days of him not contacting me/finding his centre, and me always making initial contact of a kind nature, I was never angry, just hurt, but understanding) on the occasions where he raged over my children's behaviour, I could always see his point, and I was regularly at fault, because I'd try so hard to keep the peace, that I would fail to discipline them in my usual way, they would recognise this, and act up, and he would see this as not only a great weakness in me, but as a thorn in our side, and no way forward for a life of peace.
Last Wednesday, my youngest was shouting at his Xbox, and after several warnings from me, I entered his room and switched it off, causing my youngest to repeatedly tell me to 'get the f**k out of his room'. I took his wires, and left, only for my partner to run upstairs, and rage through the door of my son's room, that if he ever heard him speak to me that way again, he'd kill him, this was repeated and reinforced with my son being called every name you can think of.
That night he sent me packing. I left it 4 days before I initiated some kind of response from him, to which he further insulted me, and my children, but did state that he loves me, and has no doubt that we could have a happy life, but cannot go forward with Me as long as they are around.
To say I am devastated is an understatement. My children will grow up, get jobs, find loves of their own, and move along their paths. I know time will heal, but right now I cannot begin to comprehend that such an intense and amazing love, has gone.
I've been reading threads on the group for a while, as my (now ex) partner is an Aspie, and have found comfort in getting insight and finding ways to understand his behaviour.
Today we broke up, after what has been, to me, the most amazing 14 months of my life.
6 months into the relationship, (with monthly visits to him) he decided to move 400 miles to be with me. It was never going to be easy, I have 3 teenage children, and their father had only moved out 2 months prior to my partner coming to England (we'd been split a lot longer) We didn't move in together, but he did stay with me and my children for one month, whilst he got himself a place to stay, a job etc. This was far from easy, as my children were still raw from their father leaving, and were quite disruptive, naturally when presented with my new love, particularly as he is somewhat intolerant of many people/Particularly children who are noisy or unruly. I understand his disdain.
After he moved out, we had a great summer, did everything together, limited the time spent at my place (much to the further unsettlement of my children, hence making any future contact more difficult) and I can honestly say, he is/was the love of my life. My best friend, I adored him, and he did me. He was great at expressing this, and would make me feel loved, and secure. We planned a future together. Set goals, and worked together towards achieving them.
4 months into our bliss in England, and his rages, and intolerance towards people, colleagues, housemates, and my children grew worse. I would be at the brunt of regular bouts of verbal abuse over anything and everything. 9 out of 10 times, I'd done nothing wrong, but simply been the closest person to him to fire at. He would always apologise (after a few days of him not contacting me/finding his centre, and me always making initial contact of a kind nature, I was never angry, just hurt, but understanding) on the occasions where he raged over my children's behaviour, I could always see his point, and I was regularly at fault, because I'd try so hard to keep the peace, that I would fail to discipline them in my usual way, they would recognise this, and act up, and he would see this as not only a great weakness in me, but as a thorn in our side, and no way forward for a life of peace.
Last Wednesday, my youngest was shouting at his Xbox, and after several warnings from me, I entered his room and switched it off, causing my youngest to repeatedly tell me to 'get the f**k out of his room'. I took his wires, and left, only for my partner to run upstairs, and rage through the door of my son's room, that if he ever heard him speak to me that way again, he'd kill him, this was repeated and reinforced with my son being called every name you can think of.
That night he sent me packing. I left it 4 days before I initiated some kind of response from him, to which he further insulted me, and my children, but did state that he loves me, and has no doubt that we could have a happy life, but cannot go forward with Me as long as they are around.
To say I am devastated is an understatement. My children will grow up, get jobs, find loves of their own, and move along their paths. I know time will heal, but right now I cannot begin to comprehend that such an intense and amazing love, has gone.
