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Lost friends due to my communication

Primrose

Primrose

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I have a hobby I'm very interested in and was on another forum to connect with other people who share this hobby. I am a few years on that forum. In recent times I had problems with people there due to my miscommunication. They misunderstood things I wrote. I am not blaming them at all. I know its my communication. I think most on that forum are NTs. I felt very sad and stressed about the situation. That forum used to be a big part of my life. For the last year I'm at home all the time due to the pandemic and most of interactions are online, mainly on that forum.

I sent a message to a person I've know on the forum since the very beginning. I guess I considered them a kind of friend. I was hoping we could sort out the situation in private message. The person has not responded or acknowledged my message. This has me feeling like I had better just stay off the forum for good.

I miss the forum a lot but I'm sure through time I will forget it.

Do you any of you have any advice about this? Is it better to move on from that forum and those people? I'm hoping some of you might understand.
 
I might not look into this too much. Some people on those forums, including this one, are far more comfortable just casually posting things,...but are not looking for anything more. Many, including myself, are quite content to be behind the computer screen,...and not looking for a friend or any other relationship.

Now, I totally understand that some people are truly lonely and are reaching out for anyone that appears to show a little bit of shared interest. This whole lockdown we have all been subjected to for the past year has not been easy on anyone. Hopefully, this time next year things will be better and people can go out and socialize normally,...face to face.
 
Yes, I was not online so much before the pandemic.

I'm 4.5 years on that forum. I do feel we know other well and we chat about other stuff that's going on in our life and not just our shared hobby.

Thanks for responding.
 
It sounds tough. Did you try apologising for your miscommunication where it may have caused offence? It seems a shame you feel you need to leave the forum, are you sure it's that big a problem?
 
I have had mixed luck on standard forums (as opposed to ASD ones) but in general the more conversatioanl they were the more likely I was to find myself at odds with folks. Mostly, NTs and I just don't 'get' each other and misunderstandings and unintended offense always occur. And I wouldn't automatically suggest trying to explain that your ASD makes these things happen, because more often then not it just makes things worse. There are exceptions, NTs I can communicate with well, but its a stray person here or there, and its the general membership, the 'group think' I have trouble with. So I for the most part abandoned them. I would still use one, or even a social network, but keep it very simple or subject specific. I have found ASD ones much easier to participate in. There are still many occurances of not getting one another but they don't seem to matter. I am not sure why, but maybe it has to do with expecting others on the spectrum to be different, in a very wide range of personalities, interests, opinions, etc.
 
Thinx said:
It sounds tough. Did you try apologising for your miscommunication where it may have caused offence? It seems a shame you feel you need to leave the forum, are you sure it's that big a problem?
Click to expand...

Oh yes, I apologised of course. I guess it's not really a big problem but the people who used to interact with me don't anymore so I just don't feel good there.
 
Tom said:
I have had mixed luck on standard forums (as opposed to ASD ones) but in general the more conversatioanl they were the more likely I was to find myself at odds with folks. Mostly, NTs and I just don't 'get' each other and misunderstandings and unintended offense always occur. And I wouldn't automatically suggest trying to explain that your ASD makes these things happen, because more often then not it just makes things worse. There are exceptions, NTs I can communicate with well, but its a stray person here or there, and its the general membership, the 'group think' I have trouble with. So I for the most part abandoned them. I would still use one, or even a social network, but keep it very simple or subject specific. I have found ASD ones much easier to participate in. There are still many occurances of not getting one another but they don't seem to matter. I am not sure why, but maybe it has to do with expecting others on the spectrum to be different, in a very wide range of personalities, interests, opinions, etc.
Click to expand...

Thanks. It's interesting to read you had similar experiences on standard forums. I came to the conclusion it was my ASD and ability to communicate. I don't know what I could have done differently. Any offence caused was unintentional. Maybe I'm better staying off standard forums.
 
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