Maddog & Mother: The Dick Van Dyke Show IRL?!

[UberScout]

I love Charles and my mother to death and back. Charles has been my stepfather ever since I was about 11 years old, and he's the first and ONLY person in my life legitimately willing to be any amount of a father figure to me, which my biological father, John, wanted no part of, so I'm very lucky to have Charles walk into my life at that age and change my life like he did; normally, I'd nothing but against that, because when I've adapted to a style of life like I had before, usually, I don't want it to change as suddenly as that, because that's all I know and all I know how to adapt to. But when he came in the picture and actually showed me, blatantly and truthfully that:

- the neighbor's kids who lived across from us only hung out and played with me like they did because their mother knew that I was autistic, had no friends, had the most god-awful school life in existence and felt REALLY bad about that, so she made her kids hang out with me so I wouldn't feel alone in the world, AND because my mother and biological father fought like two warring dragons and as a kid that young, I wasn't obligated to be constantly around that, especially with a newborn sister that was so young she couldn't understand just WHY mommy and daddy were angry and yelling at each other so loud and throwing plates,

- the girls that lived across from THEM didn't know anything about me but instead pretended to know about my disability and basically did the same as above

- and basically that everything I had become okay with was actually a parasite to me and was basically just leeching me every chance it got, if that makes any sense (I've been up since 3 AM so my vocabulary is a little schvitzy)

...and lord almighty if it didn't do me a world of good. We actually ended up moving to Charles' second hometown after a while (he's originally from Georgia, but decided to move when he turned of age), in Alabama. Again, new setting, new environment, me be 11 y.o. kid with autism going "what is happening right now?!?!", but still, he managed to show me and reassure me.

Fast forward to my escape from The Godless Forest that I lived in at Gastonia, NC with my uncle and aunt and life has gotten pretty....well, relaxed for me, and I guess, in a word....automatic. What with my disability check every month, and all other needs being managed for me, there's not much that I need to pay attention to.

Now before I go any further, let me make it absolutely clear that my living environment, while I have described it as being highly toxic at times, is in fact a typical home environment that I estimate around roughly a good 67% of all Americans live in; there are good days, where everyone sits around joking with each other and etc., and there are bad days, where things are said that nobody means, voices are raised and insults are fired, but after those days end and night falls, apologies are given, amends are made. And when you live autism, it's about the same thing, just a little more difficult to deal with sometimes. But isn't that what makes living that way more....I don't know.... human?

But I do not exaggerate when I say that LISTENING TO MY MOTHER AND CHARLES DISPUTE LIKE THEY DO IS THE MOST HAIR-PULLING, NAIL-BITING EXPERIENCE I CAN THINK OF.

There are days where they are at the point of slamming doors hard enough to shake the whole house, and there are days where it's nothing more than a simple exchange of opinions only with higher-pitched voices than usual, but as an autism patient, the longer these types of conversations go on, the more I just want to go in there and say "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DRAW A FREAKING PICTURE!!!"

Yes, I understand and totally get that adults/parents go through MANY adult/parent things every day that firstborns and offspring in general don't need to try and comprehend, that's not my goal. What I want to happen is at LEAST for them to find a simpler, calmer way to discuss these things. They've been things as serious as finances, to bills that need paying, to medicine stocks, and they've been things as simple as what's for dinner, when's the superbowl coming on, can I buy this DLC for x game that only costs $5.99 etc. ..., and I know my place when these discussions arise in the way they do and how to handle them:

1. Unequip my phone and all accessories to it and store in pocket.
2. Go to room.
3. Meditate or just clear head while listening out for signs of extreme discord (I just do this part all the time anyway.)

I'm not saying I don't want these discussions to happen, that would be unreasonable. But I just want them to at least sit down on the couch and take turns talking or something, ANYTHING to keep blood pressure from going over 220.

Can anybody help me out here? Like I said I've been up since 3 AM so I'm about to drop...

 

[tree]

You consistently refer to yourself as an "autism patient."
What does that mean?

I get the impression that your mother and her husband don't have therapists
or attend marriage or couples counseling in any form.

Do you have a therapist that you see regularly?

How likely is it that either parent would respond positively to you telling
them that their arguing is upsetting you? To suggestions for managing their disagreements?

 

[UberScout]

1. .......(facepalm) Autism. Patient.

I am a PATIENT. Who is afflicted with AUTISM. PATIENT because in the medical field my mental disorder would qualify me as someone seeking treatment for it. (Or however that's said. Like I said my brain's tired today.)

2. They did go to counseling at one point, but it was partly for the process of Sophia coming back to us. Surprisingly, they got a ton of laughs out of some moments they had it (if you don't know them, and you likely don't, they're the kind of people that are experts at making a serious situation hilarious somehow.). They don't like to talk about it much at all nowadays, but every now and then Charles will make a joke about it.

And yes, it did work for them. It's just been so long that they haven't practiced any techniques they were told, or whatever that counselor told them to do.

3. Lord knows I wish I did. But honestly, I think if I requested one at my doctor's office, it would somehow interfere with my SSI (at the very least, I'm paranoid it will.), so I just resort to the chat room here. I appreciate the support you guys give me, though!

4. Frankly, I don't really know. My stepfather has his "serious" moments, especially when he's really focused on a really difficult part of a game (he is an avid gamer) or something that absorbs all of his attention, and my mother, well, she is a very kindhearted person, but gets annoyed easily.

She has, however, told me that if I ever want to talk about something, anything at all, I could come to her. And I have. It's just....I usually end up picking the worst times to do so. ._.

 

[Pats]

Why in the world would Charles point out to you that the neighbor kids only hung out with you because their mom made them?
As far as the fighting - all couples argue differently. I don't like to argue at all, it sends my insides into panic and makes me crazy. Not all couples are that loud, but it's typical to think that you're family is just the way most families are whether they are or not. Because that's what we see and what we're used to seeing. If you can't get out, then get off to yourself, maybe put some headphones on and listen to calming music.

 

[tree]

@UberScout
Psychotherapy or counseling does not disqualify a person for SSI.

 

[UberScout]

Why in the world would Charles point out to you that the neighbor kids only hung out with you because their mom made them?

Trust me, Pats....he knew.

Charles is a....special kind of expert. He has DECADES of experience detecting the slightest amounts of deceit and lying in people, even those that look and sound like they're spitting the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help them God. He can look at the first pimple he sees on your face and instantly know whether you just lied about jogging ten miles down the sidewalk just now, even if you do look sweaty and out of breath, but weren't actually jogging.

The man is a bloodhound.

 

[UberScout]

@UberScout
Psychotherapy or counseling does not disqualify a person for SSI.

Oh, well, that explains a lot...



._.

 

[SDRSpark]

Why in the world would Charles point out to you that the neighbor kids only hung out with you because their mom made them?
As far as the fighting - all couples argue differently. I don't like to argue at all, it sends my insides into panic and makes me crazy. Not all couples are that loud, but it's typical to think that you're family is just the way most families are whether they are or not. Because that's what we see and what we're used to seeing. If you can't get out, then get off to yourself, maybe put some headphones on and listen to calming music.

While I'm not saying that this is what's going on, I will say that people will try hard to portray their bad behavior as normal. Either because they don't want you to see how bad it is, or they don't even want to admit it to themselves. Of course it's "normal" to them, but that doesn't make it healthy, acceptable or good.

The entertainment media doesn't help - dysfunctional families are all over TV, because it's relatable, and therefore humorous, to many - but this leads to an impression that all families are like that, and it's just to be expected and that is NOT the case.