Making friends when you never go out

[Kaylee]

I was just wondering how people went about making friends. i understand this is an issue many if not all Aspies on this site will have issues with.
I have never been good with people, i cant make actual eye contact (i look at their eyebrows or middle of their nose) and the idea just makes no sense to me. i am mostly an introvert. i will almost always choose to be alone than to go out. its not so much i have an issue with going out (sometimes) but more so it just feels like there is no point to it. combined with not understanding how to make friends at all it just makes it a weird experience.

because of this i rarely go out and only really in situations where it is needed. such as today where i am spending the day in a starbucks because of maintenance on my apartment. now i personally dont really have an issue going to these places. i just sit down, use my laptop, for pretty much everything i do at home. but because of having to buy something and just using my laptop. i have found myself in situations where it just doesnt really matter if i am going there. even though i am an introvert in many ways i find myself still wanting to have real life friends. i find myself wanting to go over and talk to people or more so having others come over and talk to me IRL

i dont know what keeps me from going over and talking to people. maybe its the idea that talking/introducing myself to a stranger just seems like a really odd and off putting. its not just situations like this though, its also at jobs, schools, parties, and very often when i was physically homless and living out of 24 hour restraunts, temp shelters and libraries.

What are some things you do to make friends or places i could go to make real life friends

 

[Etzelaire]

I don't interact with people because I always think about what if they don't care of whatever I want to tell them, that encapsulates from giving my name to sharing important intel I find amusing. And I don't want to bother people or make them waste their time because I hate when people make me waste my time.

 

[MrJelle]

I don't want to judge or offend you, and I don't even know your daily life.
But I did find it a lot more easier after I got my first job 7 years ago. Of course, there can be reasons for you, not having a job. There is also a lot of websites, where you can make friends, who you can talk to through the internet, before meeting them.

I'm pretty sure, you have a hobby? Maybe there is some places in your town, where you can meet others, who has the same hobby?

 

[Kirsty]

Maybe you could join a MeetUp group in your area?

 

[The Penguin]

Maybe you could join a MeetUp group in your area?

I use to use it in Toronto. I wish Atlantic Canada use it but very few places here do.

 

[Nadador]

I'm sorry you're struggling with this, Kaylee.

MrJelle has a good idea about joining a dedicated group that relates to one of your interests. That would give you a reason to be there, a reason to talk to people, and something to talk about that you can be assured you will all have in common. That said, you might still have to be brave enough to speak first.

There's always volunteerism, too...at an animal shelter, or doing work in your community. That sort of thing brings together like-minded people, but you'd also be busy doing the task at hand, so you wouldn't be pressured to carry on full conversations.

This last one may not be as immediately appealing, but Unitarian fellowships are excellent places to meet new people. The Unitarian Church is non-denominational and accepting of all comers. There is no mention of God or Jesus as such, because members don't necessarily have a specific conception of deity. Unitarian fellowships tend to have good social activities and volunteer opportunities. Most groups have designated "welcomers" who will help you break the ice and make introductions. You might ask in advance about this. They tend to be a liberal-minded lot, so you might even find yourself comfortable telling them why you need help getting started.

I've known people who've met good friends down each of these avenues. Hope this helps a bit!

 

[The Penguin]

I tend to feel the same way. Like Cupboardy suggested, I use to be part of Meetup.com when I was in Toronto and attended lots of groups I enjoy. Computers, board games, movies and etc. But when I moved to Nova Scotia, I learned they don't use that site much here. I also learned people are very different and so hard to connect with people. Maybe things will change because I'm in the business program and I need to meet people if I want to have a successful business. The problem though, most mainstream interest people are into don't interest me. So it seem it will be a lot harder for me to make friends than most people that are into mainstream interests.