Making people uncomfortable

[LostInSilentHill]

So I was with my family and best friend yesterday at a luncheon when a conversation broke out between my brother and friend.

You see, I know I have the unfortunate habit of staring at people, usually when they are talking, eating or otherwise moving. I am just drawn to movement. Other times I am lost in thought and come back to myself to find that I had been staring unblinkingly at someone for several minutes. And other times, I am simply fixed on something around/behind a person and they think I'm staring at them. I know about it but there is really nothing I can do to stop it, I usually am not even aware I'm doing it.

Yesterday though, my friend (whom I live with) was telling my brothers girlfriend (I was caught just staring at her while she ate) that it was normal and just something I tend to do. After though, she mentioned that I tend to stalk her around the house, following her to her room or the kitchen, standing close or hovering. When she went to her room I would just stay at the door looking in while rocking side to side. I know I used to do this with my mother in the past (and still do when out with her) but I didn't realise that this was out of the norm (no did I realise I rocked while doing it).

I really don't have a grasp on boundaries but I think that maybe my following is not appropriate. If it is not, what can I do to stop it? I'm not even aware sometimes when I do it. Also, is this something other do as well?

 

[The Penguin]

I know I have a habit of over worrying about people and continuously ensuring the person is OK. Sometimes me over doing this can scare people away or make me loss friendships. I learning how to improve not to do this too much but it is very hard for me.

 

[Shawn D]

I find so much of my tendencies to be paradoxical, including my approach to boundaries. I prefer to be alone, I don't like being touched very often, and I don't like pushy, nosy people.
Conversely, I, too, struggle with personal space. I'll tend to just sort of maneuver my way in to where I want to be, even if there's someone in the way (like at the grocery store). I follow my husband around the house like a puppy, even when he's doing mundane things. I'm not even really aware I'm doing it until he says something. Same with invading people's personal space in public. He'll point it out when I'm oblivious to my surroundings and only then do I do something about it.

 

[WittyAspie]

I tend to follow people around as well. Perhaps if you ask your friend to mention it while you are doing odd behaviors then you can become more self aware.

It sounds like you have a good friend. Not everyone is willing to stand up for someone with atypical behavior. I hope she mentioned your hovering and following with kindness. She may be a good person to learn social rules from.

 

[LostInSilentHill]

I tend to follow people around as well. Perhaps if you ask your friend to mention it while you are doing odd behaviors then you can become more self aware.

It sounds like you have a good friend. Not everyone is willing to stand up for someone with atypical behavior. I hope she mentioned your hovering and following with kindness. She may be a good person to learn social rules from.

She is. She does her best to teach me, though I make her angry sometimes. She tries to help, but I have a hard time understanding what she means when she does. It's hard to see something from another persons point of view, and a lot of these 'rules' are hard to understand.

 

[Suzanne]

Wow, your thread has brought back a huge memory to me, which means, there is hope lol

I USED to follow those I really liked around, but I do have to say that I was fully aware of doing this, so perhaps it is for me, not an aspie trait, but deep insecurity trait.

I had, what I supposed, was a best friend at school and I guess I was a bit obsesssed with her. I admired her soooo much and really wanted to, well, be her! As long as we were together, I felt ok about me and able to be "normal", but she suffered from fits and occasionally was off school and in truth, I DREADED going in and being there on my own, because suddenly I was a nobody.

Thinking about it now, I BECAME aware that I followed her around and because of this awareness, deep embarrassment sent in and so, I would actually make excuses to not be in her company and would walk away, but lol all I did was just walk around the school building and at a specific time, I would join her! I never realised I was an aspie though; since I never even heard of this word before.

So, yes, anyone that I felt ok around, I would follow them and I remember my husband could not do anything without me being his shadow and I think if I was to ask him now, he would say: I wish you were like that still!

I do have a habit of going into a stare mode which actually, I have to almost physcially shake myself out of it, but only fairly recently did another say to me: why are you staring at me, Suzanne and I apologised because I was not staring at her, but "in my mind's eye" so to speak. But I spend an awful lot of time on my own anyway, and so, that "staring" comes along then.

I know longer feel the need to follow people, to the extent that I had forgotten that I used to. So, as someone else says: you could get your dear, sweet friend to alert you to this fact.

My husband alerts me when I get too loud, due to being over excited, because otherwise, I think I am speaking normally.