Mapping things out in my head...

[Chance]

This is long but its just me being me... Sorry : )

I have been thinking all day... and thats probably dangerous (it usually is).
I was told to start listening to my body. That alone is not easy for me to do, but I think I am finally starting to grasp some of what I was told.

For instance day before yesterday I was freaking out (on here and in real LIFE)... When I finally figured out I was reacting very badly to Bactrim... I was having super elevated panic symptoms that didn't "feel" right... So that just triggered things over and over, until it hit me... I thought to myself, that "feeling" isn't the right "feeling" maybe this word should be signal instead... Not sure.

It was happening about 1 hour after every pill, then I would kind of feel a little better later on, and then take another pill and all hell would break loose an hour after... I knew this "in my gut", not in my head, this wasn't my normal panic attack, not even close.

My head was telling me I was about to die, LIFE sucked, I was worthless, I deserved all this, I was hated, I really was the f*&^%g retard I have always been called, I was stupid, I was useless... It was a very dark, upsetting ordeal.

That alone terrified me and of course made things worse. Until I got the knowledge from somewhere (I seriously don't know where)...

It gave me enough logic to say STOP and LOOK at whats going on, but it may have done more than that. Its like I understand something I have never understood before, BUT I still dont have the answer.

It was a chemical induced panic attack that I was not able to control at hardly any level. It was not me saying this to me, it was a poisoned me, saying this to me... It was mostly terrifying, and is still hanging around a little, but less and less as time passes. What if every panic attack is in some form a poison chemical making me react in a way I would not normally react, IF those chemical induced "thoughts" were not there at all?

I can see how in this state, that anyone (no matter how sane they are) can become irrational, severely upset, or even suicidal... So that just made me next level aware of how I do not like this load of toxins I am putting into my body called "medicine." Yes, I fully know some are "necessary evils", but why?

What about times before now, when humans were NOT loaded down with pills and chemicals at all?

People had huge worry issues to try not to freeze to death, what the next meal would be, how to get crops planted, how to keep crops from being eaten up by bugs, worrying there would be enough water for the crop to produce, crops harvested, crops traded, where to get clean water, no AC, no heat, no cars with GPS, no car period, no public transport, no one to bring a commercial poison dinner to your door, no microwaves, cell phones, computers, social media, Aspie forums to ask questions or to rant on, no nice comfy bed with soft sheets, no wonderful warm shower with good smelling soap, no clean clothes that smell like Heaven anytime they wanted... The list could go on for hours.

Maybe we become spoiled and then ungrateful, along with being poisoned with all our great stuff that is never great enough... Maybe we have become our own worst enemy, and thats no way I want to live my LIFE...

Just go back 100 years ago, not that far at all - people were strong, or we wouldn't be here...
Now we have all this stuff, and we fall apart and gripe and whine? We (me included) go around boasting about how bad it sucks, and boasting about our limitations like we deserve some damn award or something...

Yes I have ASD and all this other stuff that I can claim as some form of limitation... What if that is what lets me (us) see this deeply and feel this deeply? What if our "limitations" are trying to show us what we have really become? And trying to show us a way back to being truly STRONG minded again? Maybe we are stronger minded than we can even conceive but we cant see it for all the interference, chem poisoning, meds, and outer stimuli.

Our world is now so busy and so noisy I just hate it most the time, but is that a very WRONG way to look at it? I think thats a part of whats going on with me... I'm not facing whats going on I'm running from it, avoiding it, griping about it, and CHEMICALLY ordering more of it, and in Universal Law view point ordering more of it physically also...

Yes, I am a hypocrite because I love drag racing (the loudest fastest sport possible) but that is a short event and then its over. I also enjoy this hell raising experience with earplugs and noise deadening shooter ear muffs. And yes, its frivolous and I can easily give it up if needed.

I'm talking the noise that is everywhere. I cant go into a store, or sometimes even into my own house, without having oversensitivity issues. I fear they are getting worse, but is that fear real? Or is the noises just getting louder?
Are the noises trying to say something else all together?

What has happened to us? Its like we are poisoning everything including ourselves.
People bleach sugar, bleach flour, genetically modify everything, make us crave junk food, pesticides are in everything. Chickens, cows, pigs, eggs, milk, are full of growth hormones and who knows what else, Sometimes our water is tainted with chemicals... This list gets long real fast. Are we planning on some form of mass extinction, now subconsciously and chemically inspired? Where has all the HOPE gone? Turn on the radio or TV and count the sick stories all in a row, or just go to the Yahoo home page...geez.

Its like we are programming our own doom, while grabbing all we can before its gone...
Maybe this alone is the CORE issue that is wrong with all of us, I have no idea, but I think my discomfort in this LIFE is tied heavily to all this negative pressure.

So now I have this thing where I am trying to figure out how to start over with ME. Figure out what is causing what and how to cut each little thing out or add in something missing. I may have to do this a thousand times, but I KNOW it can be done... How is the question.

I'm trying to figure out how to reset the things that are triggering all this stuff in me.
I am stronger than this... Whats the deal? I have no reason to be falling apart, and its not acceptable at this point. Modern medicine has become so smart it now just a symptoms treater, and if cures are found massive empires fall. I need REAL answers...

However... this is a really big picture thought process, and I suck really bad at this part right here... Anyone have ideas on how to start mapping some of this out?... I cant even really start to begin to break it into smaller pictures I can grasp.

In my personal situation...
I know that most everything starts in "my gut"... that gas pain, that bad gut feeling, that weird "feeling" someone just gave me... it signals somethings wrong. Then my head signals back to my gut... Yes, somethings wrong - You just told me so.. then my body reacts by trying to not loose control and the snowball effect happens...

Why? What starts (or triggers) this? Is it my IBS? Is it like the poison from the Bactrim? How would I start finding out? Is it really me when things derail, or bad chemicals? If so then why? Is it a bad subconscious program I cant realize?

Why is my gut so tore up that I seem to KNOW where all my troubles are starting?...

So if my gut is supplying crappy nutrients and bad chemicals then of course my head and body have no choice but to try and exist on that very poor diet of poison...

If I'm not totally out of my head, then where do I consciously start to tear down the old subconscious and clear out the bad stuff to get better things going on... Are my own thoughts poisoning what would be good nutrients? I'm not a horrible eater. Of course I know I can improve that, and I know Sugar is a big problem... I'm working on that...

I suck at meditation, but maybe its cause of all this "poison" in my system that makes that not so good either...

So all this tells me in "my gut" that, IN MY GUT may be where my core problem is... but I kind of have lost track on where to go from there. I'm digging to learn some stuff and ideas would be appreciated. Sorry this is so long, but my mind is running in overdrive and I don't want to loose what little I can grasp...

 

[tree]

wow
That's similar to what happens to me
if I smell potatoes or tobacco.

Despair
and physical pain

 

[Chance]

wow
That's similar to what happens to me
if I smell potatoes or tobacco.

Despair
and physical pain

Well at least if I'm crazy we sort of have something in common... : )
I'm serious though... What causes the core of these reactions? Its like this holy grail of all that would fix a million things. Where did I lose me? What is the real me without this bad programming and all the chemicals? How different might I act and feel, if I could find out?
What if it was so simple a 4 year old could figure it out and I can see it for the mountain of complications I place there because of all the interference?
I know something is missing, I just "felt" it today, but I have no idea how to chase it down at the moment. So my head is racing as usual, but in a good way I hope. : )

 

[Sabrina]

I strongly recommend you these videos, they changed my outlook at life. Yes, Neo, you are in The Matrix (the most important is The Story of Stuff).

https://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/

https://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-cosmetics/

 

[Chance]

thos

I strongly recommend you these videos, they changed my outlook at life. Yes, Neo, you are in The Matrix (the most important is The Story of Stuff).

https://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/

https://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-cosmetics/

Those were good videos, but sad because I truly don't know if people really even care... as long as they get what they want... and want, and want, and charge, and charge...````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

We have already discussed the minimalist mindset and that we are doing it... I want to do the same thing inside my body. I want less trash going in and better thoughts going out.

I truly wouldn't mind living in a simple log cabin by a stream in the mountains far away from this system. Using my day to make good whole meals, creating as little waste possible, living in way where money had no real use and my mind had none of the worries of the status quo, because I was not a part of it.

Its like I have the reverse version of the Peter Pan Syndrome... I don't want anything but to give it all back and go to a place where I can think and experience life, instead of panic my way through it.

 

[Sabrina]

@Chance , I’ve never experienced a panic attack, but I know it is very real. I saw my sister once in the middle of it, her hands were twisting toward her arms for the lack of oxigen due to hyperventilation. She ended in the emergency room that day, it was very scary.For many years she took pills against panic attacks, anxiety and depression.

You are looking for your own answers and I think that’s the way to go. You said you wanted to give it all back.

But in order to do that, you have to give back to yourself, first and foremost. You are as part of the world as anyone else, and you deserve your own help, love and compassion, as anyone else, or even more, because the only person in charge of you is you.

@Gritches wrote a very insightful blog post on self forgiveness, that touched my heart. I think that’s where we should all start, since we are harder on ourselves than in anyone else.

BTW, going to live in a ‘simple log cabin by a stream’ sounds great, but when one considers the practical issues - like @WittyAspie aspie said in a thread of obsessive interests, he wanted to live in a yurt - maybe we realize that we like electricity too much, and it doesn’t sound like a great idea anymore. I think it’s a matter of finding what fits for each person, and not just repeat what everybody else does.

 

[Judge]

BTW, going to live in a ‘simple log cabin by a stream’ sounds great, but when one considers the practical issues - like @WittyAspie aspie said in a thread of obsessive interests, he wanted to live in a yurt - maybe we realize that we like electricity too much, and it doesn’t sound like a great idea anymore. I think it’s a matter of finding what fits for each person, and not just repeat what everybody else does.

For myself it isn't a matter of seeking the most austere surroundings. It's seeking and maintaining the most austere and minimal of social interactions with others. Otherwise I get to keep my electricity and my Internet and a relative degree of comfort with wild animals in the adjacent desert as my most frequent and welcome "guests". A few days ago I was eye-to-eye with a barn owl on my roof.

I don't live in a log cabin or fight Indians and skin bears, but I like to think I'm sort of a "Jeremiah Johnson" in my own way. It can be done. And for some of us it works.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Look simple rules.

Rule 1.

Remember my previous post...

 

[Sherlock77]

I strongly recommend you these videos, they changed my outlook at life. Yes, Neo, you are in The Matrix (the most important is The Story of Stuff).

https://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/

https://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-cosmetics/

I just watched Story of Stuff, couldn't agree more on most points...

 

[Streetwise]

N

This is long but its just me being me... Sorry : )

I have been thinking all day... and thats probably dangerous (it usually is).
I was told to start listening to my body. That alone is not easy for me to do, but I think I am finally starting to grasp some of what I was told.

For instance day before yesterday I was freaking out (on here and in real LIFE)... When I finally figured out I was reacting very badly to Bactrim... I was having super elevated panic symptoms that didn't "feel" right... So that just triggered things over and over, until it hit me... I thought to myself, that "feeling" isn't the right "feeling" maybe this word should be signal instead... Not sure.

It was happening about 1 hour after every pill, then I would kind of feel a little better later on, and then take another pill and all hell would break loose an hour after... I knew this "in my gut", not in my head, this wasn't my normal panic attack, not even close.

My head was telling me I was about to die, LIFE sucked, I was worthless, I deserved all this, I was hated, I really was the f*&^%g retard I have always been called, I was stupid, I was useless... It was a very dark, upsetting ordeal.

That alone terrified me and of course made things worse. Until I got the knowledge from somewhere (I seriously don't know where)...

It gave me enough logic to say STOP and LOOK at whats going on, but it may have done more than that. Its like I understand something I have never understood before, BUT I still dont have the answer.

It was a chemical induced panic attack that I was not able to control at hardly any level. It was not me saying this to me, it was a poisoned me, saying this to me... It was mostly terrifying, and is still hanging around a little, but less and less as time passes. What if every panic attack is in some form a poison chemical making me react in a way I would not normally react, IF those chemical induced "thoughts" were not there at all?

I can see how in this state, that anyone (no matter how sane they are) can become irrational, severely upset, or even suicidal... So that just made me next level aware of how I do not like this load of toxins I am putting into my body called "medicine." Yes, I fully know some are "necessary evils", but why?

What about times before now, when humans were NOT loaded down with pills and chemicals at all?

People had huge worry issues to try not to freeze to death, what the next meal would be, how to get crops planted, how to keep crops from being eaten up by bugs, worrying there would be enough water for the crop to produce, crops harvested, crops traded, where to get clean water, no AC, no heat, no cars with GPS, no car period, no public transport, no one to bring a commercial poison dinner to your door, no microwaves, cell phones, computers, social media, Aspie forums to ask questions or to rant on, no nice comfy bed with soft sheets, no wonderful warm shower with good smelling soap, no clean clothes that smell like Heaven anytime they wanted... The list could go on for hours.

Maybe we become spoiled and then ungrateful, along with being poisoned with all our great stuff that is never great enough... Maybe we have become our own worst enemy, and thats no way I want to live my LIFE...

Just go back 100 years ago, not that far at all - people were strong, or we wouldn't be here...
Now we have all this stuff, and we fall apart and gripe and whine? We (me included) go around boasting about how bad it sucks, and boasting about our limitations like we deserve some damn award or something...

Yes I have ASD and all this other stuff that I can claim as some form of limitation... What if that is what lets me (us) see this deeply and feel this deeply? What if our "limitations" are trying to show us what we have really become? And trying to show us a way back to being truly STRONG minded again? Maybe we are stronger minded than we can even conceive but we cant see it for all the interference, chem poisoning, meds, and outer stimuli.

Our world is now so busy and so noisy I just hate it most the time, but is that a very WRONG way to look at it? I think thats a part of whats going on with me... I'm not facing whats going on I'm running from it, avoiding it, griping about it, and CHEMICALLY ordering more of it, and in Universal Law view point ordering more of it physically also...

Yes, I am a hypocrite because I love drag racing (the loudest fastest sport possible) but that is a short event and then its over. I also enjoy this hell raising experience with earplugs and noise deadening shooter ear muffs. And yes, its frivolous and I can easily give it up if needed.

I'm talking the noise that is everywhere. I cant go into a store, or sometimes even into my own house, without having oversensitivity issues. I fear they are getting worse, but is that fear real? Or is the noises just getting louder?
Are the noises trying to say something else all together?

What has happened to us? Its like we are poisoning everything including ourselves.
People bleach sugar, bleach flour, genetically modify everything, make us crave junk food, pesticides are in everything. Chickens, cows, pigs, eggs, milk, are full of growth hormones and who knows what else, Sometimes our water is tainted with chemicals... This list gets long real fast. Are we planning on some form of mass extinction, now subconsciously and chemically inspired? Where has all the HOPE gone? Turn on the radio or TV and count the sick stories all in a row, or just go to the Yahoo home page...geez.

Its like we are programming our own doom, while grabbing all we can before its gone...
Maybe this alone is the CORE issue that is wrong with all of us, I have no idea, but I think my discomfort in this LIFE is tied heavily to all this negative pressure.

So now I have this thing where I am trying to figure out how to start over with ME. Figure out what is causing what and how to cut each little thing out or add in something missing. I may have to do this a thousand times, but I KNOW it can be done... How is the question.

I'm trying to figure out how to reset the things that are triggering all this stuff in me.
I am stronger than this... Whats the deal? I have no reason to be falling apart, and its not acceptable at this point. Modern medicine has become so smart it now just a symptoms treater, and if cures are found massive empires fall. I need REAL answers...

However... this is a really big picture thought process, and I suck really bad at this part right here... Anyone have ideas on how to start mapping some of this out?... I cant even really start to begin to break it into smaller pictures I can grasp.

In my personal situation...
I know that most everything starts in "my gut"... that gas pain, that bad gut feeling, that weird "feeling" someone just gave me... it signals somethings wrong. Then my head signals back to my gut... Yes, somethings wrong - You just told me so.. then my body reacts by trying to not loose control and the snowball effect happens...

Why? What starts (or triggers) this? Is it my IBS? Is it like the poison from the Bactrim? How would I start finding out? Is it really me when things derail, or bad chemicals? If so then why? Is it a bad subconscious program I cant realize?

Why is my gut so tore up that I seem to KNOW where all my troubles are starting?...

So if my gut is supplying crappy nutrients and bad chemicals then of course my head and body have no choice but to try and exist on that very poor diet of poison...

If I'm not totally out of my head, then where do I consciously start to tear down the old subconscious and clear out the bad stuff to get better things going on... Are my own thoughts poisoning what would be good nutrients? I'm not a horrible eater. Of course I know I can improve that, and I know Sugar is a big problem... I'm working on that...

I suck at meditation, but maybe its cause of all this "poison" in my system that makes that not so good either...

So all this tells me in "my gut" that, IN MY GUT may be where my core problem is... but I kind of have lost track on where to go from there. I'm digging to learn some stuff and ideas would be appreciated. Sorry this is so long, but my mind is running in overdrive and I don't want to loose what little I can grasp...

Cut Out cane sugar you wont to get the high try to eat mainly vegetables, zoos rarely give animals fruit as it has too much sugar in it they give them vegetables as it's the nearest to raw wild fruit.
To get a safe high have soup ! it will fill you and make you feel calm and you'll be better hydrated,for you particularly have yoghurt youve unbalanced the flora in your stomach,if you don't like dairy products get spirulina that will top up the flora
For you particularly again get pineapple papaya guava Mango to put the lining on your stomach
Have grapes as a blood thinner,also cherries if you find it hard to eat raw vegetables or fruit blend them to where you instinctively could eat them .
For you again pray !you need food for your mind !your mind gets hungry as well and art!humans are naturally creative channel it into Sketching or painting or gardening ,it sounds like cars are slightly addictive and it's causing imbalance ,that's why you have a problem with the sound ,you are creating neuronal connections for one particular level of sound !so therefore you're trying to make your body intolerant of other levels of sound , gradually change the amount of time you expose yourself to that sound .
Remember I can't do a lot of this ,I'm like you ,all I'm doing is telling you what I memorised.
If you could eat a kosher diet,it would also be good for your health ,the reason for kosher is israel is extremely hot so eating certain animals would be very toxic and the same for milk that has too much sugar.

 

[Streetwise]

This is long but its just me being me... Sorry : )

I have been thinking all day... and thats probably dangerous (it usually is).
I was told to start listening to my body. That alone is not easy for me to do, but I think I am finally starting to grasp some of what I was told.

For instance day before yesterday I was freaking out (on here and in real LIFE)... When I finally figured out I was reacting very badly to Bactrim... I was having super elevated panic symptoms that didn't "feel" right... So that just triggered things over and over, until it hit me... I thought to myself, that "feeling" isn't the right "feeling" maybe this word should be signal instead... Not sure.

It was happening about 1 hour after every pill, then I would kind of feel a little better later on, and then take another pill and all hell would break loose an hour after... I knew this "in my gut", not in my head, this wasn't my normal panic attack, not even close.

My head was telling me I was about to die, LIFE sucked, I was worthless, I deserved all this, I was hated, I really was the f*&^%g retard I have always been called, I was stupid, I was useless... It was a very dark, upsetting ordeal.

That alone terrified me and of course made things worse. Until I got the knowledge from somewhere (I seriously don't know where)...

It gave me enough logic to say STOP and LOOK at whats going on, but it may have done more than that. Its like I understand something I have never understood before, BUT I still dont have the answer.

It was a chemical induced panic attack that I was not able to control at hardly any level. It was not me saying this to me, it was a poisoned me, saying this to me... It was mostly terrifying, and is still hanging around a little, but less and less as time passes. What if every panic attack is in some form a poison chemical making me react in a way I would not normally react, IF those chemical induced "thoughts" were not there at all?

I can see how in this state, that anyone (no matter how sane they are) can become irrational, severely upset, or even suicidal... So that just made me next level aware of how I do not like this load of toxins I am putting into my body called "medicine." Yes, I fully know some are "necessary evils", but why?

What about times before now, when humans were NOT loaded down with pills and chemicals at all?

People had huge worry issues to try not to freeze to death, what the next meal would be, how to get crops planted, how to keep crops from being eaten up by bugs, worrying there would be enough water for the crop to produce, crops harvested, crops traded, where to get clean water, no AC, no heat, no cars with GPS, no car period, no public transport, no one to bring a commercial poison dinner to your door, no microwaves, cell phones, computers, social media, Aspie forums to ask questions or to rant on, no nice comfy bed with soft sheets, no wonderful warm shower with good smelling soap, no clean clothes that smell like Heaven anytime they wanted... The list could go on for hours.

Maybe we become spoiled and then ungrateful, along with being poisoned with all our great stuff that is never great enough... Maybe we have become our own worst enemy, and thats no way I want to live my LIFE...

Just go back 100 years ago, not that far at all - people were strong, or we wouldn't be here...
Now we have all this stuff, and we fall apart and gripe and whine? We (me included) go around boasting about how bad it sucks, and boasting about our limitations like we deserve some damn award or something...

Yes I have ASD and all this other stuff that I can claim as some form of limitation... What if that is what lets me (us) see this deeply and feel this deeply? What if our "limitations" are trying to show us what we have really become? And trying to show us a way back to being truly STRONG minded again? Maybe we are stronger minded than we can even conceive but we cant see it for all the interference, chem poisoning, meds, and outer stimuli.

Our world is now so busy and so noisy I just hate it most the time, but is that a very WRONG way to look at it? I think thats a part of whats going on with me... I'm not facing whats going on I'm running from it, avoiding it, griping about it, and CHEMICALLY ordering more of it, and in Universal Law view point ordering more of it physically also...

Yes, I am a hypocrite because I love drag racing (the loudest fastest sport possible) but that is a short event and then its over. I also enjoy this hell raising experience with earplugs and noise deadening shooter ear muffs. And yes, its frivolous and I can easily give it up if needed.

I'm talking the noise that is everywhere. I cant go into a store, or sometimes even into my own house, without having oversensitivity issues. I fear they are getting worse, but is that fear real? Or is the noises just getting louder?
Are the noises trying to say something else all together?

What has happened to us? Its like we are poisoning everything including ourselves.
People bleach sugar, bleach flour, genetically modify everything, make us crave junk food, pesticides are in everything. Chickens, cows, pigs, eggs, milk, are full of growth hormones and who knows what else, Sometimes our water is tainted with chemicals... This list gets long real fast. Are we planning on some form of mass extinction, now subconsciously and chemically inspired? Where has all the HOPE gone? Turn on the radio or TV and count the sick stories all in a row, or just go to the Yahoo home page...geez.

Its like we are programming our own doom, while grabbing all we can before its gone...
Maybe this alone is the CORE issue that is wrong with all of us, I have no idea, but I think my discomfort in this LIFE is tied heavily to all this negative pressure.

So now I have this thing where I am trying to figure out how to start over with ME. Figure out what is causing what and how to cut each little thing out or add in something missing. I may have to do this a thousand times, but I KNOW it can be done... How is the question.

I'm trying to figure out how to reset the things that are triggering all this stuff in me.
I am stronger than this... Whats the deal? I have no reason to be falling apart, and its not acceptable at this point. Modern medicine has become so smart it now just a symptoms treater, and if cures are found massive empires fall. I need REAL answers...

However... this is a really big picture thought process, and I suck really bad at this part right here... Anyone have ideas on how to start mapping some of this out?... I cant even really start to begin to break it into smaller pictures I can grasp.

In my personal situation...
I know that most everything starts in "my gut"... that gas pain, that bad gut feeling, that weird "feeling" someone just gave me... it signals somethings wrong. Then my head signals back to my gut... Yes, somethings wrong - You just told me so.. then my body reacts by trying to not loose control and the snowball effect happens...

Why? What starts (or triggers) this? Is it my IBS? Is it like the poison from the Bactrim? How would I start finding out? Is it really me when things derail, or bad chemicals? If so then why? Is it a bad subconscious program I cant realize?

Why is my gut so tore up that I seem to KNOW where all my troubles are starting?...

So if my gut is supplying crappy nutrients and bad chemicals then of course my head and body have no choice but to try and exist on that very poor diet of poison...

If I'm not totally out of my head, then where do I consciously start to tear down the old subconscious and clear out the bad stuff to get better things going on... Are my own thoughts poisoning what would be good nutrients? I'm not a horrible eater. Of course I know I can improve that, and I know Sugar is a big problem... I'm working on that...

I suck at meditation, but maybe its cause of all this "poison" in my system that makes that not so good either...

So all this tells me in "my gut" that, IN MY GUT may be where my core problem is... but I kind of have lost track on where to go from there. I'm digging to learn some stuff and ideas would be appreciated. Sorry this is so long, but my mind is running in overdrive and I don't want to loose what little I can grasp...

Part two people get health problems because they do not sabbath it is rest also thinking about the things you avoid during the week remember the Bible is literally living I know people will find That hard to understand.
For some reason when my mother was dying from motor neurone disease if she read the Bible she could speak had the energy to speak and her vocal chords worked if she didn't they didn't .
I encountered this years afterwards I was reading the new Testament and it came to the end and of the chapter and then I had the littoral feeling like there was something living On that paper. At the end of the chapter I have experienced manifestations so I knew the difference it was like a very very tiny person was in that paper

 

[SusanLR]

I have been getting that want to live in a small house/cabin, away from the modern city life, with nature and having the time to cook good foods, do good things for myself and not be under pressure, also.
Time is going by and what is my life?
Waking up everyday to "What do I have to do today and where do I have to go or what time is a certain appointment?"
I call that survival, not living.

There are many chemicals and things mankind has created that are bad for the body.
On the other hand, lifespans are longer than a hundred years ago or so. So some of the discoveries of modern medicine must be working?

That "gut" feeling you speak of is where the solar plexus
draws in the energy around you you spoken of in another post, it then immediately goes to the head where thoughts and logic take over creating anxiety that goes back down into the body and the gut is one of the first areas we get physical problems with then, IBS, GERD,
aches and tummy problems, bowels, etc.
Most of our immune system begins in the gut.

Yes, we over think much of the time.
This can be tested with a simple game such as trivia.
Get questions you don't know the answer to and as soon as you try to reason which is the correct answer it is usually incorrect. Try going with the first gut instinct without thinking about it and I bet you'll get most of them correct.

Over thinking is hard to stop, especially for HFA.
We live in our minds.
Just remember the body has two parts that need good nurishment. The physical and the energies.
Starting to get the picture?

 

[wight]

@Chance , I don't have time to respond this morning before work, but I do have some thoughts. Look for them later today.

 

[Sabrina]

For myself it isn't a matter of seeking the most austere surroundings. It's seeking and maintaining the most austere and minimal of social interactions with others. Otherwise I get to keep my electricity and my Internet and a relative degree of comfort with wild animals in the adjacent desert as my most frequent and welcome "guests". A few days ago I was eye-to-eye with a barn owl on my roof.

I don't live in a log cabin or fight Indians and skin bears, but I like to think I'm sort of a "Jeremiah Johnson" in my own way. It can be done. And for some of us it works.

Until this year, I had a very social life, including friends (new and old) and family. But this year my social environment collapsed after years of crumbling. The people I used to take for granted, the ones that I thought were my ‘tribe’, actually weren’t. It took me my whole life to realize that.

I don’t know if I’ll go back to been as social as I was. The fact that I moved to another country again, makes it easier to not have social obligations (almost). Right now, I don’t feel like looking actively to get to know people as I used to do. For the first time ever, I’m putting mysef as a priority. I am living for me, not for other people.

I know that it’s important to have a tribe, be it family or friends, or both. But it should be genuine, and it should accept me as I am. If I end up having it, great, if I don’t, it’s ok too.

One of the good things that I’ve learned in this forum is that I should not be afraid of being alone. I need peace and time for me, to be me, and unfortunately, it’s very hard to be me in a social setting of more than a handful of people. I can enjoy going to parties, for example (depending on which ones and with who) but I don’t need them.

I like my space, I need it, and in order to have peace and balance in my life, I need tons of time alone.

The only grown up person that has understood my need to be alone when there’s too much going on (specially at long periods of socializing with family) is my sister, who I think is also aspie. Kids (at least mine) understand my need of alone time without having to explain why. Maybe we are born knowing that we need it, but with the passing of time, some of us forget it.

 

[wight]

@Chance , as promised:
1) The world is a screwed up place, in which most people are concerned only with their own interests. Including doctors that give you pills that don't work or make things worse.
2) There is nothing you can do about, it may be upsetting but ultimately you have no control over any of it...you need to practice not letting it bother you quite so much. I have to work at this all the time.
3) Medication: I would say start by stopping all your medication, but that may not be advisable. So how about reviewing all you medications and figuring out which ones you really need and which you can live without. And don't take anything that causes side-effects worse that what they are supposed to treat. Not to be crude about it, but would you take a "boner pill" if it make you vomit uncontrollably? Of course not, the side effect just makes you miserable in a different way.
4) Food: Figure out what you can eat and what you can't that upsets you system. Then stop eating the stuff that upsets you system. You're probably going to have to trial-and-error some new things. When in doubt go with the tried and true skinless baked chicken and rice. Bland but pretty much guaranteed not to upset the stomach. Then add from there. I know that the current advise is "mostly vegetables, and everything else in moderation." That doesn't work for me. I am a big advocate of everyone finding the types of food that work best for themselves and skip the "dietary guidelines." If you have to take a multi-vitamin every day, so be it.
5) Thinking: Practice conscious control of your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking (or obsessing) about something that you don't want to, think in a loud way "STOP!" I sometimes say it out loud. Then refocus on what is right in front of you. It doesn't matter what it is, do a visual inventory and name the things, or sounds, or smells, or all of them. That will break the train of unwanted thoughts. This takes practice, too.

Is all this overwhelming? Sure it is. So start with one thing. Perhaps the medicine, since that is literally dumping chemicals into yourself that alter your normal processes.

I dunno, just my thoughts on the subject at hand. I wish it were easier, but it isn't. Sorry.

 

[OlLiE]

i'm sorry that you are feeling all of this stuff, it isn't pleasant'

- why we need all these luxuries now that we didn't need before: well i would guess that the further back you go in history, the more difficult simple physical survival becomes, and the higher the evolutionary premium for physical traits, and more likely the lower survivability of different profiles - as society became physically less challenging (ie luxurious), the opportunity for non 'normal' profiles to survive increased and more of them started 'thriving', so maybe the advance of society led to more of us, which implies we need the aspects of modern society (meds etc) to survive

- modern food, meds etc are bad for us, maybe , despite the side effects, they aren't that bad in the big picture, potentially higher survive and thrive rates for aspies, much longer survival rates for humans in general (at the expense of the environment of course) - not that long ago living to your late forties early fifties was an achievement => the longer lives give way to 'luxury' philosophy, higher awareness of unhappiness, more contemplation and self absorption etc

- yes the world is too noisy and way too connected, i hate it too, on the other hand technology has offered us the best ways to date to mitigate it, with a computer and an internet connection you can even thrive in remote and quiet areas

personally, to me it sounds like your meds are at the base of what you described, the resulting thoughts may be a consequence,

also by the way, being sensitive to noise doesn't mean you have to be sensitive to all noise, hearing people talk at a distance or hearing shrieking children can push me over the edge in a minute while i can happily blast music through my ears for 8 hrs on end, one is a choice (ie i have control), i can switch it off when i want, the other is imposed and quickly becomes more painful, i can hardly muzzle another person's child

my wife and i have agreed a codeword that she can use and i have taught myself to recognise some flags to recognise when things go sideways, they help to 'shock' me enough to realise what's going on and step outside of myself and take a step back from the progression to meltdown

one of my self identified triggers is negative thought about myself, as soon as i realise it, i try (not always successfully) to get off that track because i know it isn't true

i've always enjoyed reading your posts, you'r not a retard (why camouflage the word when everyone knows what you mean anyway - ), you're not hated and your not worthless

stick to the facts
everything else is most likely wallowing in self pity,
which i have experienced is a very slippery slope

 

[Chance]

@Chance , as promised:
1) The world is a screwed up place, in which most people are concerned only with their own interests. Including doctors that give you pills that don't work or make things worse.
2) There is nothing you can do about, it may be upsetting but ultimately you have no control over any of it...you need to practice not letting it bother you quite so much. I have to work at this all the time.
3) Medication: I would say start by stopping all your medication, but that may not be advisable. So how about reviewing all you medications and figuring out which ones you really need and which you can live without. And don't take anything that causes side-effects worse that what they are supposed to treat. Not to be crude about it, but would you take a "boner pill" if it make you vomit uncontrollably? Of course not, the side effect just makes you miserable in a different way.
4) Food: Figure out what you can eat and what you can't that upsets you system. Then stop eating the stuff that upsets you system. You're probably going to have to trial-and-error some new things. When in doubt go with the tried and true skinless baked chicken and rice. Bland but pretty much guaranteed not to upset the stomach. Then add from there. I know that the current advise is "mostly vegetables, and everything else in moderation." That doesn't work for me. I am a big advocate of everyone finding the types of food that work best for themselves and skip the "dietary guidelines." If you have to take a multi-vitamin every day, so be it.
5) Thinking: Practice conscious control of your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking (or obsessing) about something that you don't want to, think in a loud way "STOP!" I sometimes say it out loud. Then refocus on what is right in front of you. It doesn't matter what it is, do a visual inventory and name the things, or sounds, or smells, or all of them. That will break the train of unwanted thoughts. This takes practice, too.

Is all this overwhelming? Sure it is. So start with one thing. Perhaps the medicine, since that is literally dumping chemicals into yourself that alter your normal processes.

I dunno, just my thoughts on the subject at hand. I wish it were easier, but it isn't. Sorry.

Thanks Wight,
It’s great advice and i will do my best to do implement these things... : )

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Thanks Wight,
It’s great advice and i will do my best to do implement these things... : )

7. Be yourself

 

[Chance]

i'm sorry that you are feeling all of this stuff, it isn't pleasant'

- why we need all these luxuries now that we didn't need before: well i would guess that the further back you go in history, the more difficult simple physical survival becomes, and the higher the evolutionary premium for physical traits, and more likely the lower survivability of different profiles - as society became physically less challenging (ie luxurious), the opportunity for non 'normal' profiles to survive increased and more of them started 'thriving', so maybe the advance of society led to more of us, which implies we need the aspects of modern society (meds etc) to survive

- modern food, meds etc are bad for us, maybe , despite the side effects, they aren't that bad in the big picture, potentially higher survive and thrive rates for aspies, much longer survival rates for humans in general (at the expense of the environment of course) - not that long ago living to your late forties early fifties was an achievement => the longer lives give way to 'luxury' philosophy, higher awareness of unhappiness, more contemplation and self absorption etc

- yes the world is too noisy and way too connected, i hate it too, on the other hand technology has offered us the best ways to date to mitigate it, with a computer and an internet connection you can even thrive in remote and quiet areas

personally, to me it sounds like your meds are at the base of what you described, the resulting thoughts may be a consequence,

also by the way, being sensitive to noise doesn't mean you have to be sensitive to all noise, hearing people talk at a distance or hearing shrieking children can push me over the edge in a minute while i can happily blast music through my ears for 8 hrs on end, one is a choice (ie i have control), i can switch it off when i want, the other is imposed and quickly becomes more painful, i can hardly muzzle another person's child

my wife and i have agreed a codeword that she can use and i have taught myself to recognise some flags to recognise when things go sideways, they help to 'shock' me enough to realise what's going on and step outside of myself and take a step back from the progression to meltdown

one of my self identified triggers is negative thought about myself, as soon as i realise it, i try (not always successfully) to get off that track because i know it isn't true

i've always enjoyed reading your posts, you'r not a retard (why camouflage the word when everyone knows what you mean anyway - ), you're not hated and your not worthless

stick to the facts
everything else is most likely wallowing in self pity,
which i have experienced is a very slippery slope

Thank you also Ollie, for putting things into better context.
Sometimes my mind is like a freight train that doesn’t even care that its ran off the tracks... its just keeps running full speed until it runs out of fuel to operate with.

I think because of my past programming and the very high goals i demand from myself, i become harder on myself than anyone else ever is too me.

When i get stuck in my own process of evolving, its like i want to just run back in time, but i cant do that, so my next option is to run away,, retreat, and shutdown my life until i can figure it all out again. This causes huge issues with the people around me.

Some really ugly events have taken place with my toxic family and my marriage. So i’m In this place i that was never a part of my plan.

I have proved to myself over and over that i can be “loved” AS LONG AS I FAKE LIFE. As long as i do every little thing they demand. As long as i remain totally miserable, mentally, physically, and financially drained so they are satisfied...

In that there is no love, no honor, no inner peace, no quiet space for Chance and no one cares. So I dare not say anything, or shutdown, because I am instantly reminded that when I do this I am the same worthless POS I was when I was a kid.

I’m not ALLOWED a life anymore under my current conditions. I a supplier of peoples impossible demands of happiness, nothing more, nothing less. I cant be that, near can any other person make me happy... That is the state of being I am trying to find before I die a useless being.

Once I realized its all just fake, no love, nothing in it for me whatsoever... I just got lost in it. I still haven’t fully found myself, because I have NEVER been allowed to be myself without getting into lots of horrible bad situations.

I’m trying hard to make some big changes in my life, but I have to do that in near full secrecy because of the toxic chain reaction that takes place, if I do anything, other than work and supply. I’m a human mule... and even a mule gets tired of being used.

Meds, no meds, I have more sanity than those around me. They dwell on sucking the LIFE out of anyone they can force themselves upon. I feel like a guy who was raised by monsters nd vampires, who refused to follow the family tradition, or was unable too... So what is going to happen in that instance? Everything i have explained and tons I will never even bother to drag up.

I need out... thats basically all thats wrong, but I know I will never be able to look back or come back, thats just how hard they are and I will be HATED to no end because they lost that mule, that extra cash, the place to crash all weekend and eat all the food... and never even acknowledge I exist... They only acknowledge what I supply, nothing more, and once thats gone, I mean nothing to them.

So I have to face the fact I want to move 1430 miles away and I do know a few people and I will have a good job (if it ever comes open)... My position in open when a man in the company I work or retires, he has changed his mind again it seems, but I’m not fullly ready anyway, so its okay.

Lots going on and lots to leave behind... makes a messed up place in an ASD mind.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I’m trying hard to make some big changes in my life, but I have to do that in near full secrecy because of the toxic chain reaction that takes place, if I do anything, other than work and supply. I’m a human mule... and even a mule gets tired of being used

You got this.
You have your goal in sight.
Stay strong and dont give up the juggling till youre safe.