Meaningless conversations

[Etzelaire]

I wonder why people waste their time engaging in conversations that lack any transcendence both to the colective and themselves. Anyone knows? I feel incapable to do so and I think Grice would be on my side here

 

[Randomperson]

Some people really do talk just to hear their own voice, at least in my own experiences. I refer to this phenomenon as "verbal dysentary", no matter how much you want it to stop, it will not until it has run its course.

 

[Aspieistj]

I think of it as similar to the ritual of sniffing tails that dogs go through. The exchange of useless information between humans gives them time to "test the water" before plunging into a exchange of meaningful discussion.

 

[StephF]

Uh huh

 

[icesyckel]

I recently talked to my wife for more than 15 minutes about olive oil before she made it clear that she has no interest in olive oil beyond how much goes in a given recipe.

So, I guess I am guilty of this.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I recently talked to my wife for more than 15 minutes about olive oil before she made it clear that she has no interest in olive oil beyond how much goes in a given recipe.

So, I guess I am guilty of this.

Is olive oil that interesting? I know it's healthy for you. (that bit of knowledge took 1 second to say - but 15 min?) Maybe you should go into culinary.

 

[Judge]

Is olive oil that interesting?

Well, I suppose it can be an excellent catalyst to launder money.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Talking can be a source of bonding. So "meaninglesss" talking is often a sort of bonding ritual.
I am not skilled at or even capable of it. But I recognise it as a strength in those who are capable of it.

 

[wyverary]

I recently talked to my wife for more than 15 minutes about olive oil before she made it clear that she has no interest in olive oil beyond how much goes in a given recipe.

So, I guess I am guilty of this.

Olive oil is serious business, man! That said, I don't know nearly enough about it...

 

[zurb]

A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior:Amazon:Kindle Store helped me better understand the NT world of meaningless talk.

As for Olive Oil, be careful or you will have Popeye after you!

 

[Manuheleku]

I recently talked to my wife for more than 15 minutes about olive oil before she made it clear that she has no interest in olive oil beyond how much goes in a given recipe.

So, I guess I am guilty of this.

I buy organic olive oil from a small refiner in Temecula, CA, so I guess I'm sort of an olive oil snob!

 

[Daniel]

I'm in a seeing-things-from-the-other's-perspective mood tonight, it seems... As Ste11aeres suggested, there's a meaning there in meaningless conversations, it's just doesn't fulfill typical Aspie needs. Communicating is about fulfilling needs.

I've learned how to chat with people at my office for the purpose of making them feel comfortable around me. I've learned to see meaning in that. Chats about the weather, our workloads, coffee intake, lunch foods etc. It's nice to know I can make someone feel good just being around me. I also enjoy the occasional instance where I'll get beyond small talk with someone and actually get to know them, like their values, their opinions, stuff like that. Or the best case--when I discover we have a common interest.

I started putting olive oil in things when I learned The Zone. It's one of your better fats. And if you ever get a Rachael Ray cookbook, you'd better have some EVOO on hand!

So is the extended discussion around olive oil an example of a Aspie-meaningful conversation, or an Aspie version of a meaningless one?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Talking can be a source of bonding. So "meaninglesss" talking is often a sort of bonding ritual.
I am not skilled at or even capable of it. But I recognise it as a strength in those who are capable of it.

EXACTLY! Ste11aeres, are you a closet NT?

 

[Ste11aeres]

EXACTLY! Ste11aeres, are you a closet NT?

No, I am just appreciating other cultures.

 

[Randomperson]

Also, it occurs to me today, is a conversation only without meaning until you find the meaning in it? While it may be possible for extremely shallow people to muster a completely meaningless conversation, perhaps many you perceive to be meaningless have meaning to the party that initiated it. Perhaps most of the meaningless conversations you encounter merely seem that way because you do not perceive a meaning to them?

This is only a hypothesis on my part, strictly theoretical. Honestly if someone actually wants to talk to me in a non hostile way I will listen and even attempt to converse about almost anything because silence is lonely and I have had enough of lonely.

 

[Daniel]

Also, it occurs to me today, is a conversation only without meaning until you find the meaning in it? While it may be possible for extremely shallow people to muster a completely meaningless conversation, perhaps many you perceive to be meaningless have meaning to the party that initiated it. Perhaps most of the meaningless conversations you encounter merely seem that way because you do not perceive a meaning to them?

This is only a hypothesis on my part, strictly theoretical. Honestly if someone actually wants to talk to me in a non hostile way I will listen and even attempt to converse about almost anything because silence is lonely and I have had enough of lonely.

I think your hypothesis is spot-on--it's not up to us do decide what means something to anyone else.

When I say people communicate to fulfill needs, this is a big one--to avoid loneliness and disconnnection. That's why NTs will talk about seemingly insignificant topics. They don't go straight to heavy or intimate things.

 

[apsie]

Keep in mind that these meaningless conversations seem to happen without any effort whatsoever from either party.
While in some cases it may be a form of reaching out, often its just sort of a platform to go in to deeper stuff.
I don't think most people "need" to yap about nothing, they just do because they aways have.
I know a fair amount of NT's who prefer to keep conversations direct and without BS.

Its a ritual as has been said by others, and just like allot of other rituals it may have some meaning at times, but most of the time its just ritualistic repeating of random stuff.

 

[zurb]

They [NTs] don't go straight to heavy or intimate things.

I'm not sure adult aspies do either, but aspies also hate the inane drivel of small talk too, so end up doing neither. Starting a conversation is oh so difficult.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I'm not sure adult aspies do either, but aspies also hate the inane drivel of small talk too, so end up doing neither. Starting a conversation is oh so difficult.

It is so funny the difference between an NT party, and an Aspie party.
As part of my recent resolution to be more sociable, I joined two Meetup groups. As a result, on one weekend I went to a birthday party for an NT girls, the party populated by female NTs whom I barely knew, and many of whom didn't know each other. On another weekend I went to a birthday party for an Aspie girl, the party populated by Aspies whom I didn't know.
The NT party: All the persons (except me) formed into loose circles and talked non-stop. With loud music in the background.
The Aspie party: We sat around a table under shade in the hot hot outdoors without sepaking. Later we went inside and sat around without speaking.

 

[Judge]

It is so funny the difference between an NT party, and an Aspie party.
As part of my recent resolution to be more sociable, I joined two Meetup groups. As a result, on one weekend I went to a birthday party for an NT girls, the party populated by female NTs whom I barely knew, and many of whom didn't know each other. On another weekend I went to a birthday party for an Aspie girl, the party populated by Aspies whom I didn't know.
The NT party: All the persons (except me) formed into loose circles and talked non-stop. With loud music in the background.
The Aspie party: We sat around a table under shade in the hot hot outdoors without sepaking. Later we went inside and sat around without speaking.

Quite often I feel hopelessly caught somewhere in the middle of both scenarios. It makes me sad. But then I could never see going to a birthday party for someone I didn't know. I once had to do that to fulfill a social obligation of my father...it was horribly awkward, involving the daughter of my father's boss.