Meeting women with asperger's syndrome

[6655321]

I am a man in my mid 20's and while I have no formal diagnosis, I do feel that I am probably straddling a border between asperger's and neurotypicality. I am single and I would like to hang out with women who have asperger's or "high-functioning" autism because I feel like it would be easier to build a friendship or romantic relationship with someone on a similar wavelength. Then again though, I really don't have expectations of this leading to romance but if it did, that would be okay. But really I want some company; someone who is not mean or judgmental and someone who has some things in common with me, like certain hobbies (exercising, studying, helping animals, and playing games). Even though I may not always seem like a really warm person I actually do appreciate company and I like to be with friends in a nice environment. I like to exercise and to have fun.

I want to be around someone who can understand what it's like to have a "legalistic" (for lack of a better term) way of thinking, with whom I can share in hobbies or "obsessions", and stuff like that. It would make my life a bit more fun and I feel like it would be nice for them too. I don't know how to even get started though. I tried Craigslist and OKCupid and they were just horrible for me and I really don't want to try them again. The people with whom I communicated on those sites were really not the kind of people I want to be around.

If someone has suggestions I would appreciate them. Thank you very much.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Welcome!

I don't have any "advice," but I'll tell you a story.

I didn't want to live alone, and in my late 20's, I was starting to be worried that I would have to. Around that time I was really in love with not just my job, but with work itself, and I knew not to date in the office, so it seemed as if I would only meet the kind of people I'd want to date in an environment where I couldn't. I walked out of a nasty predecessor of OKCupid--really snotty "profilers" who told me they'd never recommend me for a partner. I did love dancing and went to events. It just wasn't working because it was just pickup scene.

One summer I sent myself to a graduate-level seminar at a good-sized university quite a long way from home. (I hated school...but I loved short-term seminars and workshops.) I met someone there. I drove nonstop all the way home and then hand-wrote him a letter. Six weeks later--after I thought I'd never hear from him again--he called me up. That was 27 years ago. We've never been apart, and we got married 17 years ago.

Perhaps the moral of the story is, "use your love to find your love."

 

[Spiller]

That was 27 years ago. We've never been apart, and we got married 17 years ago.

My best wishes to you Aspergirl4hire, be joyfulful and happy XXX

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Welcome!

I don't have any "advice," but I'll tell you a story.

I didn't want to live alone, and in my late 20's, I was starting to be worried that I would have to. Around that time I was really in love with not just my job, but with work itself, and I knew not to date in the office, so it seemed as if I would only meet the kind of people I'd want to date in an environment where I couldn't. I walked out of a nasty predecessor of OKCupid--really snotty "profilers" who told me they'd never recommend me for a partner. I did love dancing and went to events. It just wasn't working because it was just pickup scene.

One summer I sent myself to a graduate-level seminar at a good-sized university quite a long way from home. (I hated school...but I loved short-term seminars and workshops.) I met someone there. I drove nonstop all the way home and then hand-wrote him a letter. Six weeks later--after I thought I'd never hear from him again--he called me up. That was 27 years ago. We've never been apart, and we got married 17 years ago.

Perhaps the moral of the story is, "use your love to find your love."

You give me hope!
I'm telling you girls, the handwritten letter works!!!

 

[Thesaurusrex]

Aspergirl4hire's advice is tops! Meeting people through similar interests and the things you love can be the best way to build relationships and friendships If you're interested in helping animals, get out and volunteer. If you're into games, participate actively in MMO's and socialise that way. Find interest groups online or in your area and participate.

Dating sites get a pretty bad reputation for aspies, which I think is fair, but it doesn't always work out terribly. I have a feeling that this avenue probably works better for us aspergirls, however.

 

[Rogue Dragon]

I'm a man going on 27 and I'm autistic. I've got this constant struggle that I can't make up my mind whether I would be happy all by myself or be happy with someone to love me as much as I love her. I don't know for sure. I'm not good with reading signals from any woman. Even though I'm an honest hard working individual, still it would be nice if I knew what real happiness felt like. All I feel everyday is nothing but pain and anger from my past and I'd really like to move on toward a better and happier future.

 

[Alex Bogue]

I talked to a woman on POF who has Aspergers. She talked a good game, but proved she was just as narrow minded as neuro typicals.

 

[kyliewyote]

I've got this constant struggle that I can't make up my mind whether I would be happy all by myself or be happy with someone to love me as much as I love her..

I agree with Aspergirl4hire...do the things you love, and hopefully there is someone doing the same.

Rogue Dragon (and anyone else) -- I have a question for you regarding "...be happy with someone to love me as much as I love her." Maybe it was just the way I read it, but is it hard to be loved by someone? pressure? expectations? feelings that it may fail?
I'm gently moving into a relationship with an Aspie man who is absolutely incredible. Yes, some tough parts to him, but the good far outweighs other things to manage. He is 38, has only ever had one other 'girlfriend' for a little while. I'm very careful to not push things or try to move things along too fast (long distance helps with that). But for me, to be loved is wonderful, and I wonder what the worry or fear or whatever emotion it is that seems to not be good about being loved or in a relationship. I know he was teased and beaten up a lot as a child by other kids, and he doesn't have many friends. He made a comment when talking about the gal he dated a little bit that "women are needy and clingy".

What is the most difficult part of being with a person vs being alone? and any suggestions for me? things are going well, and I want to put the effort to keep them going well....

 

[Zeno]

Aspergirl4hire's advice is tops! Meeting people through similar interests and the things you love can be the best way to build relationships and friendships If you're interested in helping animals, get out and volunteer. If you're into games, participate actively in MMO's and socialise that way. Find interest groups online or in your area and participate.

Dating sites get a pretty bad reputation for aspies, which I think is fair, but it doesn't always work out terribly. I have a feeling that this avenue probably works better for us aspergirls, however.

For me personally, meeting people the "old fashioned" way IRL through similar interests and hobbies hasn't actually worked that well. I have found that I tend to form stronger bonds with people who share life experiences; even if they don't have the same hobbies or intellectual interests. I've meet people who also love doing what I do but unfortunately, they are not on the spectrum or even introverted. So even though we have stuff to talk about, they have no interest in dating me or being an actual friend.

I would say that internet sites/forums that are geared towards interests or even support groups are a much better way to meet Aspie women because they are often reclusive and shy IRL. Pursue your interests and hobbies, but keep your expectations down to Earth. People will sense that you're looking for love and it will make you come across as desperate.

 

[Keigan]

You might try an Aspie Support Group or a MeetUp for aspies, though the best friends always come from doing what you love and enjoying life - you'll get noticed.

 

[Zeno]

You might try an Aspie Support Group or a MeetUp for aspies, though the best friends always come from doing what you love and enjoying life - you'll get noticed.

My best pals happen to be people who not only share some interests, but also share life experiences. They don't necessarily like the same activities as I do though.

Aspie support groups are a great way to meet fellow Aspies. But why must they be offline only? I think meeting people at a distance and getting to know them a little before meeting face to face really is more my style than trying to meet them in person first. I'd say the exception is a support group run by a coordinator who can introduce you to the other members.

I have also heard of some Aspies who met through online Autism social networking sites like wrongplanet.net

 

[Keigan]

I have also heard of some Aspies who met through online Autism social networking sites like .....

As with anything online just be very aware of their age, a much younger crowd over there.

 

[Zeno]

Well Keigan, I am 38. I have been meeting people online for the last 20 years. IDK how old you are though but if you're not GenX/Millennial then this stuff might be too modern for you LOL.