Meltdown, followed by extreme embarrassment

[Rasputin]

I had another bad experience tonight, in a church parish council meeting of all things. I have served as Treasurer for my church the past three years, and one of the council members is contemptuous and has a reputation for bullying other council members. Tonight it was my turn to be bullied, and I lost control. And when I meltdown there is pure rage and no backing down.

I don't know if this is from being bullied as a kid, and I was somehow affected in this way. All I know is that I feel extremely embarrassed, and just have to avoid any future situation where there might be conflict.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Well, they were bullying you, so they had it coming.

 

[Rasputin]

Well, they were bullying you, so they had it coming.

It was just one man who bullies everyone on this council. I have been fighting him in a civilized, socially acceptable way the past three years I just reached my limit, which is scary.

The other members were supportive of me, but I am still embarrassed. This is who I am when the "Mask" I have been wearing 61 years comes off.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

It was just one man who bullies everyone on this council. I have been fighting him in a civilized, socially acceptable way the past three years I just reached my limit, which is scary.

The other members were supportive of me, but I am still embarrassed. This is who I am when the "Mask" I have been wearing 61 years comes off.

He still deserved it for bullying you, especially if he out his hands on you.

 

[Mia]

The other members were supportive of me, but I am still embarrassed. This is who I am when the "Mask" I have been wearing 61 years comes off.

Sometimes that loss of temper is necessary, when you've had enough. Maybe the next time he is about to bully someone, he'll rethink the consequences. People do need to be taught at times that what they do is not acceptable.

I've never physically hurt anyone, unless they attack first. Years ago a woman kicked my dog in the face, as I was walking in a park with him on a leash. She began to laugh, I punched her in the face, something she was not expecting. She went down pretty quickly, I wanted to hit her some more, but I walked away.

 

[Rasputin]

Yeah he did need to be put in his place, but it is scary when you feel like you have lost control.

Had someone done that to my dog, I would have reacted the same way you did

 

[Mia]

Yeah he did need to be put in his place, but it is scary when you feel like you have lost control.

You feel as if you have no control, that you lost it. But I think it's in all of us, that explosion that we push down. And when someone does something or says something that is unacceptable to us, it triggers us to react in some way.

I used to think if I got angry, that I had lost instead of keeping cool and controlling myself at all times. Sometimes anger in the face of something that's wrong, is acceptable.

 

[Rasputin]

You feel as if you have no control, that you lost it. But I think it's in all of us, that explosion that we push down. And when someone does something or says something that is unacceptable to us, it triggers us to react in some way.

I used to think if I got angry, that I had lost instead of keeping cool and controlling myself at all times. Sometimes anger in the face of something that's wrong, is acceptable.

Thanks for your encouraging words! I am just glad this didn't happen in a work setting.

What I did not say earlier is that I had my first CBT session just before going to this meeting. I guess I will have something to share at my next session.

 

[Judge]

Yeah he did need to be put in his place, but it is scary when you feel like you have lost control.

Had someone done that to my dog, I would have reacted the same way you did

Maybe it was supposed to happen that way. You may have done several people quite a favor in the process.

And I get the impression that's exactly how they feel.

So "walk tall".

 

[Major Tom]

Bullies tend to only back down when confronted directly I've found. It sucks you had to do it publicly, but it probably needed to happen and perhaps others breathed a sigh of relief when someone stood up to him.

 

[Raggamuffin]

They may respect you more that you stood up to them. Next time treat them as normal. Be polite, let things be. I know it's easier said than done, the guilt after a meltdown can be intense.

I find I keep a lid on mine more these days. They're more implosions than explosions. But either way they feel damaging.

Ed

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Sometimes that loss of temper is necessary, when you've had enough. Maybe the next time he is about to bully someone, he'll rethink the consequences. People do need to be taught at times that what they do is not acceptable.

I've never physically hurt anyone, unless they attack first. Years ago a woman kicked my dog in the face, as I was walking in a park with him on a leash. She began to laugh, I punched her in the face, something she was not expecting. She went down pretty quickly, I wanted to hit her some more, but I walked away.

I probably would've taken it further than that if I had a dog, and some jerk kicked him/her.

 

[Gracey]

It happens sometimes.

Embarrassment can be part of the process.

Take five minutes to check in with yourself.
Make sure you're okay.

You may feel tired when you eventually 'come down' again.
Rest up, drink more water than usual (to replenish)
Be kind to yourself.

Give it a day or two to start offering apologies where necessary.
Or not.

Maybe not so much the bully?
But if any onlookers were afraid, worried or affected by your actions in your church group.
(If you're the treasurer, you'll need to 'treasure' again at some point?)

Hope you're okay

 

[Wolfnox]

Aye. Ive had that happen before too. Feel the same about rage. I actually had to fight once or twice. Not because i wanted too. But because they wouldn't leave me alone.

 

[Rasputin]

It happens sometimes.

Embarrassment can be part of the process.

Take five minutes to check in with yourself.
Make sure you're okay.

You may feel tired when you eventually 'come down' again.
Rest up, drink more water than usual (to replenish)
Be kind to yourself.

Give it a day or two to start offering apologies where necessary.
Or not.

Maybe not so much the bully?
But if any onlookers were afraid, worried or affected by your actions in your church group.
(If you're the treasurer, you'll need to 'treasure' again at some point?)

Hope you're okay

As a result of last night, I told them to find a new Treasurer. I have been eliminating sources of anxiety for the past two months, and I am glad I eliminated this source last night.

Also, I have offered the apologies that I wanted to already. I did not and will not apologize to the bully. In fact I will not acknowledge his presence going forward.

 

[Rasputin]

It happens sometimes.

Embarrassment can be part of the process.

Take five minutes to check in with yourself.
Make sure you're okay.

You may feel tired when you eventually 'come down' again.
Rest up, drink more water than usual (to replenish)
Be kind to yourself.

Give it a day or two to start offering apologies where necessary.
Or not.

Maybe not so much the bully?
But if any onlookers were afraid, worried or affected by your actions in your church group.
(If you're the treasurer, you'll need to 'treasure' again at some point?)

Hope you're okay

Thank you!

 

[Rasputin]

Aye. Ive had that happen before too. Feel the same about rage. I actually had to fight once or twice. Not because i wanted too. But because they wouldn't leave me alone.

I have had this happen before also. I find that my level of self-control isn't what it used to be, so I am trying to eliminate activities involving people that cause feelings of anxiety. Maybe I am just not as willing to "mask" the ASD as I was before I was diagnosed. Mainly, I am more concearned with doing what is best for me.

 

[Ken S.]

The other members were supportive of me, but I am still embarrassed.

If it helps you feel a little less embarrassed I peed myself at the doctors office this morning. That was a first for me. My point is don't beat yourself up over it.

 

[Rasputin]

If it helps you feel a little less embarrassed I peed myself at the doctors office this morning. That was a first for me. My point is don't beat yourself up over it.

Ken, "too much information".

I will be fine if I can get the anxiety under control. I just don't know if that is possible. I will probably have to discuss this with my doctor.