Meltdown Question

[Sashi]

I learned recently that "Autism Spectrum Disorder" applies to me as well as the autistic children I work with on my job, I've been replaying episodes from as far back as I can remember. One isn't born, after all, knowing their autistic. I've pondered such questions as do I take things literally, am I stickler for routine, and do I or ever have meltdowns?

Well, I do take people literally and routine is my middle name, but meltdowns? That's the question. I'll be talking to my doctor next week but I wanted input from anyone out there who has had them. Someone who knows from personal experience.

I question episodes I sometimes had over the years, usually during the night, when I would feel trapped in my bed. I would be utterly filled with rage. The episode would come up out of no where. I would try to get comfortable and the more I tried, the more trapped I felt by the bedding. I would get up and throw the pillows and the bedsheets. My heart would be pounding in my chest. I recall one time just sitting on the couch, with my head down, doing some deep breathing. I was probably rocking back and forth too. The episodes would last for 5 minutes or so.

The episodes used to come once every few months. However, I've not had one at night in maybe two years. I did have what I thought were temper tantrums during the day when I would be extremely angry about something. I vented in private, not letting anyone know. Or, I would remember something on FACEBOOK that I didn't agree with, and I would blow a gasket!!! Again, I blew in private. I knew I was overreacting but I couldn't help it.

Since I started taking an antedepressant, I've been doing much better. I get more sleep and have more energy. I'm in a good place now.

I do want to know for my own information if what those episodes were meltdowns. I'm not a stranger to meltdowns because I sub as a teacher's aide. I have seen plenty of them! But there's a difference between seeing a meltdown and experiencing one.

I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts.

 

[Adder1234]

They certainly sound like meltdowns, and it's also important to remember that different people may express their meltdowns in different ways.

 

[Sashi]

Thanks for responding. I appreciate the feedback.

 

[ksheehan88]

It does sound like meltdowns to me.

 

[Suzanne]

I assumed meltdowns were very public, but since come to an understanding that meltdowns can come in different forms.

I am a private meltdowner too. In truth, I am in a rage right now. I mentioned in another thread what is causing it.

My husband tries to get back on good terms, but thinks I am a nut case, because of what I am angry about. The only thing that will help me, is him getting rid of the offending things, but he won't do that!

 

[Sashi]

It does sound like meltdowns to me.

Thanks for responding.

 

[toothless]

Yesterday I had the worst meltdown ever, people...

I was cutting my arms with scissors, was pulling my own hair, was scratching my neck, chest and shoulders with my own nails, fisting my own self, stabing myself with a pen... I was attacking my beloved boyfriend, lashing and tearing around like a wild animal in the cage...

I know, periods are tough... But I could manage elevated stress levels by proper regime, nutrition, excercising, supplements and CBD...

Curently both me and my boyfriend are stuck in a bubble. We lost everything in a never-ending trial/court procedures: we lost relatives and friends, we lost property and possessions, we lost our jobs, we lost control of our lives... I don't know how to escape this hell... All my strategies failed...

I wish I had schizophrenia - at least I would know how to tame my disorder... But we both are on the spectrum... with PTSD. Our Autism is not understood or taken seriously by legal system of the country we stuck in - we are labeled as pretenders... And we have no influence over ages-lasting bureaucratic procedures... we are desperate, helpless and destroyed...

I was screaming and weeping yesterday - no help came in. No family, no friends, no medical assistance...
No law, no justice...

So I decided to keep on harming myself up until the time when I am able to commit suicide...

It's too much to bear, people. I've been "puppeted" for more than four years now... I was betrayed by my own mother... for money... And while me and my man we struggling to prove the truth, he was being used against me, and I was being turned against him... we are stuck in the labirynth of nonsence. Sometimes I'm getting nightmares about two hamsters put in an aquarium filled with water... That's exactly how we both feel. That's exactly how we are being treated.

My boyfriend is no less self-harming, and we both are one step away from terminating our damned existance. No hope left...

We are being destroyed, we are being oppressed from the outside - by those ho govern our hell, our torment, our bubble.

We could have been married, we could have become parents... but instead, we are being tortured: day after day, month after month, year after year.

The feelings of disappointment and disgust by European governments and jurisdictions are overwhelming me. It seems that people have lost common sense... I refuse to believe that nothing could be done about our current situation... But who can hear our pain? Probably I am brave enough to talk about these things only within Autistic community...

To be honest, I do not know why on earth I am writing this at all... It just feels that if anyone comes to take away my man from me, or me away from my man, in the eyes of Universe, I will have my last fight.

its good you have wrote this, you need to express what is making you feel like crap,and what better place to do it than a forum of people who can relate to you?

i do understand everything your saying,and i wish i had an easy answer but i dont,i can say things like; move to a autism friendly area/country but to do that takes a lot of money and preparation.

you have a good regime going on-and i use CBD to its good stuff for anxiety and nerve pain,but...have you thought about going on an anti depressant? i think your depression and anxiety is beyond the means of supplements like st johns wort which is only for mild depression,and it would help improve your outlook and life if you tried an anti depressant.

perhaps try writing a story for the local newspaper or a womens magazine about your lack of support [a lot of these womens magazines pay you for your story to] and understanding and it could lead to help,i know it has done for other people with disabilities.

have you tried mindfulness? it really helps me when i get bad thoughts or flashbacks and anxiety,i was taught it by my old pyschologist and a support staff who gave me a cd with guided mindfulness meditations.


im sorry i wish i could help more,i know how it feels to be in the darkest place of the mind.