Meltdown

[total-recoil]

It's seemed to me for some time I've been doing so well with Aspergers, holding down a job, getting close to making one or two friends and starting to write music. However, last night I just flipped totally. It was triggered off a week ago when the German Shepherd dog I care for was allowed to get loose by some builder who left the gate open. The dog lives with family, not with myself so I basically commute to take him out every evening and am very close to him. On that occasion, fortunately, the dog was found by two small girls and returned home by them to his owner. I had been frantic with worry as he has no road sense at all with cars. After calming down, I immediately went to a shop and bought a proper lock for the gates and tried to explain to the owner we had to start keeping the gate securely locked. I was promised this would happen but yesterday I found out they were still leaving the gate unlocked (and it's the sort of gate a stranger could open but not shut right as the catch is funny). Anyway, I just flipped, got very anxious, frustrated and depressed and immediately went home. I think actually another cause of the build-up has been a series of vindictive comments made about me (disguised as light jokes) and also lots of people telling me I shouldn't be caring for the dog. I can see the fact I have aspergers and have bonded so closely to the shepherd can be hard to understand for neurotypicals and I can see how it would be a bit awkward but really the thought of him getting lost or run over upset me terribly. I came into work today but have been fighting back tears all day, slept badly last night and am worn out. My facial recognition problem has also come back as it does when I'm stressed - I was unable to recognise people I know yesterday and they had to tell me who they were.
I'm starting to calm down a bit now but it all seems such a mess with no easy answers. Anyone here who ever developed a very strong bond with an animal will probably understand where I'm coming from but, as I said, a chain of gradual stressful events has triggered this off.

 

[TiredMom]

So sorry. Really hard when an animal you love is endangered, especially when you've been dealing with those "light jokes". Hang in there.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Can the dog be tethered within the yard so that he has access to food, water and shelter but cannot get out of the gate?

I find it very stressful to have tradesmen in my home. Some of them don't care about leaving doors or gates open, even when they know I own dogs, and any that have let my dogs out have never helped to get them back in again. I would be devastated if some harm came to my beloved dogs.

 

[pjcnet]

One thing about Aspergers is getting very stressed over things that you just can't let go of when you believe you are being treated unfairly or have received a raw deal from something or someone, I know the feeling exactly and I find it very hard to cope with things very often. It goes over and over in your head, one just can't stop thinking about it and I personally annoy others going on and on about such things that are upsetting me too. I can totally understand your frustration about this particular situation and I would be extremely stressed too if the same thing happened to me. You obviously care very much for the dog and it would obviously make anyone really annoyed when other people are careless that could cause potentially the dog harm, especially if other people wrongfully think that you're not taking care of the dog properly, but when you have Aspergers it makes the frustration 10 times worse and much harder to cope with. The only way I try to cope with such things is to try hard to take my mind off it onto something else, usually what I enjoy (well my obsession) which happens to be PCs, it doesn't always work and often it will keep popping back up into my head to stress me again, but it can help to some extent. Sometimes however the only time I can move on is if something else untoward happens that bothers me in a similar way, then I will switch my anger, stress and frustration towards that instead, it's not a healthy situation to be in as I'm nearly always very stressed about something. I wish I could control it much better and that other people would understand better too.

Maybe someone else could come up with a better coping strategy here?


PS: I have a strong bond with my neighbour's cat who sometimes lives in my flat (the cat is closer to me than it's owner) and I'd be similarly very upset if someone else was careless that could potentially cause harm to her.

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

So sorry that you had to go through so much in such a short amount of time. Things like that happening all at once is quite overwhelming indeed. I used to have panic attacks all the time when I was younger, but as I have gotten older I am usually do a lot of crying more than anything if anything is bothering me. Something I do if I'm ever feeling overwhelmed is listen to some music or watch music videos on YouTube - it's quite relaxing.

I hope things straighten out for you and that you're feeling better.

 

[total-recoil]

He's the type of dog that would quickly tangle his feet up if tied to a rope and then maybe panic and hurt himself. Also, I found that G.S.D. (German Shepherd Dogs) that are tethered can become more aggressive.
This crisis has really been triggered because the owner hasn't taken advice to padlock the gate since the dog went missing. She tells me her teenage son is incapable of unlocking the padlock to the gate and has asked not to lock it. So, I find the dog is once again been put to the last priority. I personally have dexterity issues like most aspies but I find it difficult to believe her son can't undo a simple padlock. It sounds more to me like "couldn't be bothered". So, basically I flipped and got very agitated and took off and I've stopped my involvement because it comes across that they just don't care about their dog and it's been upsetting me. He's such a beautiful dog and when he went missing I feared the wrong people might have found him, taken him away and that he could have been mistreated. I mean, we live in a nasty world. Her attitude is he was found and all was well and why do I dwell on possible disaster scenarios. The dog owners and animal lovers here will probably understand where I'm coming from as there is this huge shock when you find a beloved animal is missing and out somewhere on the street and, I don't want to have to go through that stress again.
I've been caring for this dog since he was just about three years old and he is now eight years. The bond between us is much stronger than any bond I had with a human being. He is my soul mate and he brought sunshine into my life and filled the void aspies have through being alone. I didn't feel alone any more with him and we could even understand one another in unique ways.
The situation is very complex. There are various sides to the predicament. The owner sometimes feels I take over too much or maybe that I'm around the house too much (although usually it's two hours each evening when I'm with the dog). She's basically kind andrespectable I think and means well but there are also issues where she seems to get jealous because her dog will often not eat till I arrive and will wait and that makes her feel displaced. I sense resentment not just from her but sometimes from a few other people.
So, as it stands I'm still confused and very upset. There are times I just don't know what to do. I get home from work and may start to cry again and my mind churns it over and then there are feelings of guilt as if I abandoned my best friend. Last night I played on the synth for a while and then I would start to get upset again and so on. I am basically allowing the dust to settle and waiting it out to see if the situation can be discussed when everybody calms down. Either it will be resolved somehow or my involvement will end altogether and I'd have to accept I have lost the dog I cared for over so many years. Whether I can bounce back from that scenario is hard to say.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Can the dog be tethered within the yard so that he has access to food, water and shelter but cannot get out of the gate?

I find it very stressful to have tradesmen in my home. Some of them don't care about leaving doors or gates open, even when they know I own dogs, and any that have let my dogs out have never helped to get them back in again. I would be devastated if some harm came to my beloved dogs.

 

[total-recoil]

I agree with you and I am still going into work and still doing a bit of music. I was even joking a bit today but can suddenly start to worry again and get tears in my eyes. I don't think there is any danger of a breakdown but am just very very upset because he's my soul mate and my world seems to be falling apart. Even my music was inspired by the happiness I got being with my canine friend and a general feeling of being settled. I hope I can give you all better news and somehow it will all be resolved but for now I have to wait and try my best not to eat myself up with worry.
Thanks to all for the support and kind words.

One thing about Aspergers is getting very stressed over things that you just can't let go of when you believe you are being treated unfairly or have received a raw deal from something or someone, I know the feeling exactly and I find it very hard to cope with things very often. It goes over and over in your head, one just can't stop thinking about it and I personally annoy others going on and on about such things that are upsetting me too. I can totally understand your frustration about this particular situation and I would be extremely stressed too if the same thing happened to me. You obviously care very much for the dog and it would obviously make anyone really annoyed when other people are careless that could cause potentially the dog harm, especially if other people wrongfully think that you're not taking care of the dog properly, but when you have Aspergers it makes the frustration 10 times worse and much harder to cope with. The only way I try to cope with such things is to try hard to take my mind off it onto something else, usually what I enjoy (well my obsession) which happens to be PCs, it doesn't always work and often it will keep popping back up into my head to stress me again, but it can help to some extent. Sometimes however the only time I can move on is if something else untoward happens that bothers me in a similar way, then I will switch my anger, stress and frustration towards that instead, it's not a healthy situation to be in as I'm nearly always very stressed about something. I wish I could control it much better and that other people would understand better too.

Maybe someone else could come up with a better coping strategy here?


PS: I have a strong bond with my neighbour's cat who sometimes lives in my flat (the cat is closer to me than it's owner) and I'd be similarly very upset if someone else was careless that could potentially cause harm to her.

 

[total-recoil]

It's gotten worse than I could have ever imagined. I very rarely cry and actually burst out sobbing the other day in front of people I know. I had been O.K. all day at work but then lost control after someone asked me if I would be going for the dog as usual. I also developed an ear infection which is clearly stress related and I keep waking up with feelings of guilt and anguish.
This has become one heck of a mess and (as in all situations), there are clearly various sides to the story. From the owner's side, she probably feels the situation has gone out of control as I'm too close to her dog and she may feel her privacy is invaded and that she isn't being given chance to run her own show and take care of her own dog (even after 5 years). Yet, from my side I can see this situation with gates being left open and nearly losing the dog last week doesn't show responsible ownership and that their idea of dog care differs enormously from my own standards. Actually, my unease started some months ago when she had just returned from a holiday, had left me in charge and yet, on return, I noticed she never even went to the back garden to see her dog but just took off to a meal out with her kids. That speaks volumes.
However the case may be, somehow I've had a meltdown crisis. I've been caring for this dog now since he was two years old. Before he was a factor in my life I was suffering terribly from isolation as I've simply never been able to relate to people the way I relate to animals. Slowly a bond developed between us that got stronger over the years, to the point he's more a friend in my life than an animal.
As things stand now I stopped seeing the dog as I got to the point where I think we all need time to step back and see if things can go on as before. I sense now the owner has a new boyfriend and about to have grandchildren and so on she doesn't really want me there in the first place and, deep down, (like most people) probably finds me odd and wonders why I'm so connected to animals.
Strangely I now look so downbeat and disorientated, a lot of people are being especially kind, giving me beers and approaching to talk. My family mistakenly believe that it will be good for me to not have the responsibility any more yet have no idea how bad things could get and that I could spiral downwards into depression.
I've written to a female friend in North Carolina who also loves German Shepherds. She has had two of her own and got very close to them and understands exactly how I feel. She tells me maybe I just need to get a grip and think tactically about the dog's welfare as I just somehow flipped.
Strange how we are supposed to lack empathy but this situation has left me an emotional wreck. I can only describe what I witness as selfishness. People are really so wrapped up in themselves, few could be bothered to devote any spare time to animal care. I have never been that way. It feels to me selfish to spend your time just devoted to yourself and material things and I got so much pleasure caring for animals it helped me overcome the more negative consequences of aspergers.
I am hoping I can maybe think more logically and my head will clear and still not sure how to handle this. How did I suddenly just freak out like this?

One thing about Aspergers is getting very stressed over things that you just can't let go of when you believe you are being treated unfairly or have received a raw deal from something or someone, I know the feeling exactly and I find it very hard to cope with things very often. It goes over and over in your head, one just can't stop thinking about it and I personally annoy others going on and on about such things that are upsetting me too. I can totally understand your frustration about this particular situation and I would be extremely stressed too if the same thing happened to me. You obviously care very much for the dog and it would obviously make anyone really annoyed when other people are careless that could cause potentially the dog harm, especially if other people wrongfully think that you're not taking care of the dog properly, but when you have Aspergers it makes the frustration 10 times worse and much harder to cope with. The only way I try to cope with such things is to try hard to take my mind off it onto something else, usually what I enjoy (well my obsession) which happens to be PCs, it doesn't always work and often it will keep popping back up into my head to stress me again, but it can help to some extent. Sometimes however the only time I can move on is if something else untoward happens that bothers me in a similar way, then I will switch my anger, stress and frustration towards that instead, it's not a healthy situation to be in as I'm nearly always very stressed about something. I wish I could control it much better and that other people would understand better too.

Maybe someone else could come up with a better coping strategy here?


PS: I have a strong bond with my neighbour's cat who sometimes lives in my flat (the cat is closer to me than it's owner) and I'd be similarly very upset if someone else was careless that could potentially cause harm to her.

 

[total-recoil]

Seems pointless to beat myself up the point of breakdown or physical illness. At the end of the day what does that accomplish. As my friend in North Carolina said the situation needs me to be strong and really I always have been that way. I think really it was like little things, negative comments, insensitivities, being misunderstood and then one day the whole thing goes bang. In fact, I can really empathise now with Michael Jackson. People think I'm kind of weird for being so close to animals the same way Michael lived in his dream world and people will misunderstand you and create ugly, false scenarios that can undermine your sense of self. That is they believe you're weird for not acting as adults are supposed to act. Lately I believe I had been making some really good music and was very excited about it. Much of it has a Michael Jackson feel to it (very dance-like). I was getting ready to put the whole album together. In fact, I developed a clear identity as a musician as all musicians are artistic, eccentric types and I think a good deal of them had aspergers (Bob Dylan and Brian Wilson to name a few).
Wish me luck folks I need it and let's hope for a miracle.

One thing about Aspergers is getting very stressed over things that you just can't let go of when you believe you are being treated unfairly or have received a raw deal from something or someone, I know the feeling exactly and I find it very hard to cope with things very often. It goes over and over in your head, one just can't stop thinking about it and I personally annoy others going on and on about such things that are upsetting me too. I can totally understand your frustration about this particular situation and I would be extremely stressed too if the same thing happened to me. You obviously care very much for the dog and it would obviously make anyone really annoyed when other people are careless that could cause potentially the dog harm, especially if other people wrongfully think that you're not taking care of the dog properly, but when you have Aspergers it makes the frustration 10 times worse and much harder to cope with. The only way I try to cope with such things is to try hard to take my mind off it onto something else, usually what I enjoy (well my obsession) which happens to be PCs, it doesn't always work and often it will keep popping back up into my head to stress me again, but it can help to some extent. Sometimes however the only time I can move on is if something else untoward happens that bothers me in a similar way, then I will switch my anger, stress and frustration towards that instead, it's not a healthy situation to be in as I'm nearly always very stressed about something. I wish I could control it much better and that other people would understand better too.

Maybe someone else could come up with a better coping strategy here?


PS: I have a strong bond with my neighbour's cat who sometimes lives in my flat (the cat is closer to me than it's owner) and I'd be similarly very upset if someone else was careless that could potentially cause harm to her.

 

[total-recoil]

This situation has been partly resolved. It seems the dog was getting upset and unsettled and I had no other option but to make sure he is O.K. He was over-joyed to see me and there has been some recognition now the gates need to be locked. I don't think I could really have just abandoned him and feel the same ever again and I was missing him terribly. I guess when he got out that day it just sent my stress levels haywire and very frustrated the owners were being casual about it. Anyway, he is back with me having his usual walks and he seems happy and settled.

 

[Jacki Cucinotta]

Glad to hear things are going well for you I wish things continue to go well.