Meltdowns

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I have not been coping with them because I have no support and I cannot understand the garbage in my head and life.
I need gentleness and kindness and I cannot get any
I need understanding and not to.be blamed but to be validated and shown compassion
I just get frustrated and self harm because I cannot be myself and it feels like no one understands my pain or how unwell I truly am
Idk what to do if I do not have the love and support and affection I need and have been unwell so long that I gave up on it.
No one ever treats me like I am worthwhile and like they generally Care about me not my performance if life is like that though I have to stop myself doing bad behavior which is essentially trauma reactions so not really easy to stop.
Life is pretty sad if no one cares about each other, the world will not continue on well and thrive
People forget u have to Care about another to receive it back if you give a gift
It is so nice when it makes someone more caring not feel inadequate like you Care so much, I want to as well.
It like thank you, it really helped me and I am so thankful and you matter to me.
If people want to receive care they have to learn to give it
It is hard doing life alone especially for an autistic
I often need more help in terms of but more counselling but struggle with trust because of cptsd and do not want to go.back in care but be at home
So many people take advantage like I could need sensory items and have government money for things and they will not let me have them and at times I may want something like a weighted blanket or a laptop or a big plushie.

 

[Rogue Princess]

Sorry you're having a rough time. I hope some day you realise how precious you are and get past the self harm stuff

 

[1ForAll]

I agree with the op. I mean we all should feel just not accepted, but wanted, appreciated and respected, as seen through words and acts showing kindness which lessens anxiety and builds trust. Too often it is one in the relationship doing the giving and showing more efforts or care, whereas the other is just going through the motions, not giving back as much, focusing on just one way to show care, or expressing less gratitude for the other's niceness and deeds.

I realize giving and care shows in many forms, and some will show care more through words, while others focus on actions, regardless if bigger or smaller, but the ideal scenario would be being able to show all. True love for me means doing nice things for the other without being asked, because it makes them and the other feel good. And the other does the same, repeating that healthy cycle. This may require both to communicate well and know what makes the other happy or how the other can try to do things better.

A pet peeve I have in life is those who become stale in relationships and put forth less efforts in later years or those who say they cannot do better. Relationships should not be just about stagnation and deterioration but growth, love and joy. The goal in my case thus is not to just to be in a relationship, but to do my best for the other every day to fulfill their reasonable needs and my own. If the other does the same, this creates more togetherness and happiness I feel. This can be accomplished if both are givers and want the other happy, instinctively wanting to be there for them and do things for them.

This all will partially help prevent meltdowns, if you need that validation and kindness shown.. So, I am sorry the op has not found that special person(s) yet..

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I am struggling so much with various things including verbal communication and just want to push people away because I need affection and cannot seem to get it and
Then my life is a lot worse.
I am in a downward spiral where I sad and all people , life and God seems to do is hurt me.
Everything I love just snatched out of my hand, the only hope I kept alive during my illness and pain
I need more love, support and affection and need my pain to be seen.
I do not want romantic/sexual relationships and do not enjoying trying to ready myself for them.

 

[Rogue Princess]

@lovely_darlingprettybaby I understand I have a similar issue. It is really difficult to find platonic friendships. I wonder if it's any easier for the boys.

 

[Rogue Princess]

I'm in the process of applying for funding for a second support worker. My current one is amazing, she's been fantastic at learning how to communicate with me and helping me avoid meltdowns. Probably exactly the kind of person you need right now. Unfortunately she only has 1 hour a week for me though.

 

[Ken]

I have not been coping with them because I have no support and I cannot understand the garbage in my head and life.
I need gentleness and kindness and I cannot get any
I need understanding and not to.be blamed but to be validated and shown compassion
I just get frustrated and self harm because I cannot be myself and it feels like no one understands my pain or how unwell I truly am
Idk what to do if I do not have the love and support and affection I need and have been unwell so long that I gave up on it.
No one ever treats me like I am worthwhile and like they generally Care about me not my performance if life is like that though I have to stop myself doing bad behavior which is essentially trauma reactions so not really easy to stop.
Life is pretty sad if no one cares about each other, the world will not continue on well and thrive
People forget u have to Care about another to receive it back if you give a gift
It is so nice when it makes someone more caring not feel inadequate like you Care so much, I want to as well.
It like thank you, it really helped me and I am so thankful and you matter to me.
If people want to receive care they have to learn to give it
It is hard doing life alone especially for an autistic
I often need more help in terms of but more counselling but struggle with trust because of cptsd and do not want to go.back in care but be at home
So many people take advantage like I could need sensory items and have government money for things and they will not let me have them and at times I may want something like a weighted blanket or a laptop or a big plushie.

So, I'm now 71 years old and have lived through this all my life. With that, I feel your pain. It seems embarrassing, but I don't really have any useful advice.

I realize that I have a different umwelt from almost everyone else. I perceive things differently and have different sensitivities and different emotions, because my umwelt is different. Trying to explain my feelings to others results in dismissal at best. They simply cannot understand - they don't have the umwelt for it. I'm just told to quit being like that and start acting like a "normal" human being. Still, after 71 years, I have no idea what that is. I don't have the umwelt for it.

In all my years, I have never found any way to "fix" that issue other than solitude. I find that my issues involve interaction with others. So, my solution has just been to endure. I guess, I can't consider that a great life, but the more alone time I have the happier I am. Yes, life is hard alone, but it's less stressful than my social anxiety. I'm often surprised that I have actually made it through 71 years of this. At least, as I get older, I have learned how to protect myself. So, life is a little better now.

I do absolutely agree with you. What is needed is just for other people to understand that our umwelts are different and they cannot feel my pain. Thus, the key is compassion and understanding. I think most people should be able to understand compassion. Actually, I have met others that has enough compassion, or at least understanding, to understand they cannot feel what I feel, but know I'm hurting. Life would be great if everyone was like that! At least, there are some.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

@lovely_darlingprettybaby I understand I have a similar issue. It is really difficult to find platonic friendships. I wonder if it's any easier for the boys.

Yes, I do not have a close relationship with female family members and I miss females.
I cannot think except to say maybe I feel so let down by females.
But I miss females who are lovely.
And I miss the support of females.
I believe their are women out there but my heart feels so lonely to see how long it would take for me to connect with them and what their lives would be like and how much they would understand my life and me theirs.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I'm in the process of applying for funding for a second support worker. My current one is amazing, she's been fantastic at learning how to communicate with me and helping me avoid meltdowns. Probably exactly the kind of person you need right now. Unfortunately she only has 1 hour a week for me though.

My support worker is amazing to me as well and kind of like a friend.
She makes me feel so good but she cannot be with me all the time when I feel stressed and lonely and confused and like meltdowns

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

So, I'm now 71 years old and have lived through this all my life. With that, I feel your pain. It seems embarrassing, but I don't really have any useful advice.

I realize that I have a different umwelt from almost everyone else. I perceive things differently and have different sensitivities and different emotions, because my umwelt is different. Trying to explain my feelings to others results in dismissal at best. They simply cannot understand - they don't have the umwelt for it. I'm just told to quit being like that and start acting like a "normal" human being. Still, after 71 years, I have no idea what that is. I don't have the umwelt for it.

In all my years, I have never found any way to "fix" that issue other than solitude. I find that my issues involve interaction with others. So, my solution has just been to endure. I guess, I can't consider that a great life, but the more alone time I have the happier I am. Yes, life is hard alone, but it's less stressful than my social anxiety. I'm often surprised that I have actually made it through 71 years of this. At least, as I get older, I have learned how to protect myself. So, life is a little better now.

I do absolutely agree with you. What is needed is just for other people to understand that our umwelts are different and they cannot feel my pain. Thus, the key is compassion and understanding. I think most people should be able to understand compassion. Actually, I have met others that has enough compassion, or at least understanding, to understand they cannot feel what I feel, but know I'm hurting. Life would be great if everyone was like that! At least, there are some.

I really cannot understand uncompassionate people either and feel like running from that.
I have a tender and compassionate heart.
Some being alone is better than being with others.
Everyone needs love and understanding at times.