Mental illness is not an excuse for atrocious behavior in many cases.

[Metalhead]

I say this because I am tired of hearing my family and 12 steppers tell me I should have empathy for my aunt who raped me when I was a child, because her mental illness issues supposedly gives her a free pass on her behavior.

I say this because there once was a woman in my life who literally violated every boundary I placed in front of her, and then she turned around and said her diagnosed mental illnesses absolved her of all responsibility for her predatory actions.

Many people hide behind a self diagnosis to absolve themselves of acting like a creep. I think that is crap and I think anybody who buys into their lines is a sucker.

 

[Aspychata]

I am calling out that crap. They are lucky you didn't file a police report or tell someone in your school. Children are taken advantage of. I watched my younger daughter very closely, never allowed adults with her. I usually went with her on playdates, and l did catch a little boy hitting her, and the mom laughed it off. No more playdates with that child. I also explained that nobody was to do certain things, and as a young child, she understood it. If they threaten to kill your parents, if you say anything, you tell us anyways.
So sorry you went thru this and had nobody to help you. I hope you can love your inner child and heal. This was not your fault, you are someone that deserves to be loved. Don't ever excuse away what was done to you, you didn't deserve this. I had a relative that dealt with child abuse cases, they quit, it was too painful for them to do.

 

[Metalhead]

I am calling out that crap. They are lucky you didn't file a police report or tell someone in your school. Children are taken advantage of. I watched my younger daughter very closely, never allowed adults with her. I usually went with her on playdates, and l did catch a little boy hitting her, and the mom laughed it off. No more playdates with that child. I also explained that nobody was to do certain things, and as a young child, she understood it. If they threaten to kill your parents, if you say anything, you tell us anyways.
So sorry you went thru this and had nobody to help you. I hope you can love your inner child and heal. I had a relative that dealt with child abuse cases, they quit, it was too painful for them to do.

Yeah, when I first told my mother about what my aunt did, her kneejerk reaction was to tell me that I did not understand how unhappy my aunt was and it was only after I made it clear I would not go to family gatherings where she was also invited that my mother decided to spread lies about how I was implanted with false memories.

My mother taught me to believe that I was always a bull in a china shop and that if anybody violated my boundaries, I should always turn the other cheek because I was the only monster in the room.

That worthless parental figure trained me to be a doormat to predators.

 

[Aspychata]

Omg, l hate your mother, sorry. My mom threw me under the bus when my stepfather violated me. Sometimes l think parents should have classes required before they can take their child home from the hospital.

 

[Metalhead]

Yeah, I now have a true family that is not blood, I should trust in them.

 

[Shamar]

I say this because I am tired of hearing my family and 12 steppers tell me I should have empathy for my aunt who raped me when I was a child, because her mental illness issues supposedly gives her a free pass on her behavior.

I say this because there once was a woman in my life who literally violated every boundary I placed in front of her, and then she turned around and said her diagnosed mental illnesses absolved her of all responsibility for her predatory actions.

Many people hide behind a self diagnosis to absolve themselves of acting like a creep. I think that is crap and I think anybody who buys into their lines is a sucker.

Any person who says they are absolved from any behavior because of mental illness, is NOT mentally ill enough to be absolved. Call it Catch 23. Stick to your (metaphorical) guns and stay strong.

 

[Masked Man]

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. No one should have to go through that.

That being said, I do believe that people can hold two conflicting thoughts in their minds at the same time. You can both feel sorry for a person because they are ill, but also not want to forgive them because of what they've done.

I also have people in my family who are like this. Some of them are ill mentally, but they've done things that are inexcusable. I feel sorry for them on some level, but I still don't want to be around them, and certainly haven't given them a pass.

 

[Lemon Zing]

I've been harassed online by some moron who acts really immature. I would say he's mental, but I wouldn't want it to offend genuinely mentally ill people by roping that guy alongside them.

At the end of the day, if someone chooses to act dumb and spam online for attention, that's not necessarily due to an underlying mental problem, but there is no way of telling if you don't personally know them away from the web.

 

[Metalhead]

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. No one should have to go through that.

That being said, I do believe that people can hold two conflicting thoughts in their minds at the same time. You can both feel sorry for a person because they are ill, but also not want to forgive them because of what they've done.

I also have people in my family who are like this. Some of them are ill mentally, but they've done things that are inexcusable. I feel sorry for them on some level, but I still don't want to be around them, and certainly haven't given them a pass.

After my aunt exposed me to hardcore pornography when I was 10, she decided to telll me that I almost murdered her first born child when I told her she would be a bad mother when she was pregnant. She knew what she was doing. She wanted me to feel guilt over her abusive actions. She deserves to die.

 

[Misery]

and 12 steppers tell me I should have empathy for my aunt who raped me

This bit always gets me.

Correct me if I've got this wrong, but I thought the whole 12-step program or whatever was meant to be a positive and helpful thing for people who had been struggling with alcoholism?

But so many interactions you mention about these guys always sounds like they're just a bunch of devils who are out to just make everything worse.

Is there nowhere else you can go to find support of that specific type? 'Cause these guys seem just... atrocious.

I'm sorry you have to be constantly dealing with snotrags like them. Or your mom, who sounds way worse.

 

[Misty Avich]

Probably because you have an ASD.
It seems that most NTs and other Aspies just believe that there's a connection (or lack thereof) between autism and empathy so people just have to draw attention to the subject no matter what. So basically as Aspies we are all obliged to feel empathy for everyone else no matter how badly we're treated, and the majority of the population don't even try to feel any empathetic understanding for us.

It's why I loathe anyone knowing I'm on the spectrum, because I know I'll just get lectured about people's feelings all the time and I'm sorry but I know everything about feelings and when I don't then there is normally a good reason why I don't. It seems to be the case with the OP. Raping is a crime and even if someone who raped you has a mental illness your feelings are still valid. If anything THEY'RE the ones lacking empathy because how would THEY feel if THEY had been raped by your mentally ill relative?

 

[jsilver256]

This bit always gets me.

Correct me if I've got this wrong, but I thought the whole 12-step program or whatever was meant to be a positive and helpful thing for people who had been struggling with alcoholism?

But so many interactions you mention about these guys always sounds like they're just a bunch of devils who are out to just make everything worse.

Is there nowhere else you can go to find support of that specific type? 'Cause these guys seem just... atrocious.

I'm sorry you have to be constantly dealing with snotrags like them. Or your mom, who sounds way worse.

I've fallen to black and white thinking that everyone is 100% supportive or everyone is 100% antagonistic. And due to a low theory of mind, a bit of disagreement/contextual framing can "feel" antagonistic to me.

We don't know the true context of what's actually shared in these recountings, but if he comes away feeling like these meetings are personal attacks and reframing isn't possible, it's the same mental impact and he should not go to those.

 

[Judge]

In those states which recognize an insanity defense in which a defendant is acquitted, it doesn't negate the reality that the defendant must likely spend an indefinite amount of time being institutionalized.

That you have to pay for your behavior one way or another. Reflecting the obvious:

"Mental illness is not an excuse for atrocious behavior in many cases."​

 

[stevens]

I say this because I am tired of hearing my family and 12 steppers tell me I should have empathy for my aunt who raped me when I was a child, because her mental illness issues supposedly gives her a free pass on her behavior.

I say this because there once was a woman in my life who literally violated every boundary I placed in front of her, and then she turned around and said her diagnosed mental illnesses absolved her of all responsibility for her predatory actions.

Many people hide behind a self diagnosis to absolve themselves of acting like a creep. I think that is crap and I think anybody who buys into their lines is a sucker.

What? Did those AA people skip the Al Anon program?

 

[Judge]

What? Did those AA people skip the Al Anon program?

Accepting one's shortcomings over substance abuse is one thing. But it doesn't trump other person's shortcomings, particularly a crime like child molestation.

That's taking a program like AA completely off the rails, IMO. Makes no sense.

Sort of reminds me of organizations like Synanon....whose cult mentality spoiled their mission to fight substance abuse.