Miserable

[Joni]

Hi, I am new to this, I've only realised a few weeks ago that I have aspergers. I was actually doing some research because I suspected my son might have it, well he does and so do I. I've done a lot of reading since then and am now able to make sense of so many things. But knowing does not stop the loneliness or the feeling of wanting to just disappear. I'm 56 and just long for the day when I can end this miserable existence. I feel that I am my own worst enemy I can't do right no matter how good my intentions.

 

[Harrison]

Hi Joni, welcome to AC, where you'll find that many also share your style of life. So, in that at least, you are not alone.

Late life diagnosis can be a two edged sword, I know that for me it was a time of elation and sorrow. The elation came from finally knowing why I was the way I was, and the sorrow came from thinking that if I had known earlier things might have been different.

Your here now, amongst friends who share the same world and who will happily share whatever information or support we can.

 

[Joni]

Hi Joni, welcome to AC, where you'll find that may also share your your style of life. So, in that at least, you are not alone.

Late life diagnosis can be a two edged sword, I know that for me it was a time of elation and sorrow. The elation came from finally knowing why I was the way I was, and the sorrow came from thinking that if I had known earlier things might have been different.

Your here now, amongst friends who share the same world and who will happily share whatever information or support we can.

Thanks it will be good to be able to share with people who understand. When I didn't know why I was different and didn't fit in I was always trying to improve myself, always with the idea that if I could just change something aboutyself then every thing else would just slot into place. Now I know that I am a square peg that's never going to fit into that round hole. And while I do feel relief at being finally able to understand so much, it also means that this ground hog day feeling is here to stay does that make sense, one of my biggest problems is not being able to express how I feel

 

[Harrison]

Thanks it will be good to be able to share with people who understand. When I didn't know why I was different and didn't fit in I was always trying to improve myself, always with the idea that if I could just change something aboutyself then every thing else would just slot into place. Now I know that I am a square peg that's never going to fit into that round hole. And while I do feel relief at being finally able to understand so much, it also means that this ground hog day feeling is here to stay does that make sense, one of my biggest problems is not being able to express how I feel

Yes, it makes sense. Understanding yourself will be the prime motivator for changing your 'ground hog day', certainly was for me. I have lived with my diagnosis for just over ten years and it is easier now. I had to make some hard choices mind you, and there are times when I get a little lonely, but my discovery of 'self' has been worth it. The community here is great and I often feel that I have widened my circle of friends with the folk of AC.

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome Joni

Harrison is right. Learning more about yourself, and coming to terms with your AS, can help to bring you some peace. I hope that being a part of this community, and sharing with various members, will help you to find what you need.

A few links I'd like to recommend, which may help with the process:

Resources: Autism & Asperger's Resources | AspiesCentral.com

AS traits in females:

Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com

Day 62: Females with Asperger’s Syndrome (Non-Official) Checklist | Everyday Asperger's

Dr. Tony Attwood: Home

 

[Lola_Daydream]

Going through the same thing, hugs, I feel yah. I just joined last week, and I tell yah the people here are really super sweet, and kind.

 

[Joni]

Welcome Joni

Harrison is right. Learning more about yourself, and coming to terms with your AS, can help to bring you some peace. I hope that being a part of this community, and sharing with various members, will help you to find what you need.

A few links I'd like to recommend, which may help with the process:

Resources: Autism & Asperger's Resources | AspiesCentral.com

AS traits in females:

Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com

Day 62: Females with Asperger’s Syndrome (Non-Official) Checklist | Everyday Asperger's

Dr. Tony Attwood: Home

Thanks Ive read Aspergirls and found it very good, the only thing I would say is that it focuses on a lot. I would like to find s book for those of us who are older.

 

[Joni]

Going through the same thing, hugs, I feel yah. I just joined last week, and I tell yah the people here are really super sweet, and kind.

Hi Lola it's great to know that there are people like yourself out there go talk to. I feel better already

 

[Judge]

Welcome to AC, Joni.

Look at it this way. At least with self-awareness it affords you the chance to seek alternative ways of dealing with social situations that previously may have mystified you your entire life. To learn to make our neurology work for us instead of against us...

I began this "quest" when I was around 57...you're in good company.

 

[Joni]

Welcome to AC, Joni.

Look at it this way. At least with self-awareness it affords you the chance to seek alternative ways of dealing with social situations that previously may have mystified you your entire life. To learn to make our neurology work for us instead of against us...

I began this "quest" when I was around 57...you're in good company.

I agree I keep having these OMG that explains what went wrong there moments. Plus it isn't always clear to me how to improve on what I've being doing that caused problems. I am a work in progress and it's great to know I'm not alone, I think I find that the hardest that feeling of being on the outside looking in. My New Years resution will be to have more contact with people, this is something I have been avoiding more and more each year.

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard!
It is a challenge, be strong and visit the site for online community support. Best wishes

 

[Peace]

Welcome aboard!
It is a challenge, be strong and visit the site for online community support. Best wishes

That is Awesome!

 

[Joni]

Welcome aboard!
It is a challenge, be strong and visit the site for online community support. Best wishes

I'm having a really bad week, I said something stupid in work that got people really angry and mad at me. I know I made a big mistake but now they just ignore me. I just pretend I don't care but I'm in agony. Why the hell do I keep turning people against me. I am so lonely, I can't talk to my husband for two reasons, one when I try to talk to him I have no words my mind goes blank and two he is not a listener no matter what I do try to talk about he will only relate it to himself. I've been crying all day and I think I'm having anxiety or panic attacks. I wish I could just disappear and O M G all those Christmas adds just make me more aware of how much I don't fit in, this has got to be the worst time of the year for me. Now I have to face all that Christmas stuff in work oh god.......

 

[Vanilla]

I'm having a really bad week, I said something stupid in work that got people really angry and mad at me. I know I made a big mistake but now they just ignore me. I just pretend I don't care but I'm in agony. Why the hell do I keep turning people against me. I am so lonely, I can't talk to my husband for two reasons, one when I try to talk to him I have no words my mind goes blank and two he is not a listener no matter what I do try to talk about he will only relate it to himself. I've been crying all day and I think I'm having anxiety or panic attacks. I wish I could just disappear and O M G all those Christmas adds just make me more aware of how much I don't fit in, this has got to be the worst time of the year for me. Now I have to face all that Christmas stuff in work oh god.......

I really feel for you Joni. That kind of rejection from our peers can be rather isolating. I thought I should advise you to try reposting this topic in another thread, outside of the Introductory thread, as you may get more responses. Having others to add to this discussion might help in better dealing with it.

I recommend riposting it here: Friends, Family & Social Skills | AspiesCentral.com

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Howdy!

 

[HDLSeanWiley]

don't feel miserable. autism is part of you just like your hair!