Missing my friend

[Nancydrew]

I don’t really know why I’m posting, I don’t want or need anything. I’m an NT girl and this weekend marks one year since things fell apart with a good friend of mine who I suspect is AS. I still miss him dearly and still feel sad everyday. It’s hard to talk to my friends about this because while they all try to be supportive I know that they are getting tired of hearing about it, don’t know what else they can say or do, and probably think I should be over it. I think I should be over it to and wish I knew how to be. I lost a friendship I really cared about and valued and I’m full of regret about all the things I wish I would have said and done to let him know how much the friendship meant to me and am also ashamed of some of my behavior during the friendship because there were times I was difficult and demanding and maybe even a little mean. I never meant to be, I didn’t know early on that he may have been AS and may not have understood all the things I did and said. I didn’t always know how to handle my feelings, things like that are hard for NT’s too and I don’t have a lot of experience with close friendships or connecting with people.

I don’t think I’ll ever be cared about the way I was then. And I miss my friend everyday. He is still the first person I want to tell when something good happens and when something bad happens. I miss sharing office gossip, I miss the quality time we would spend together and the way I knew exactly what he would order every time we went to dinner, I miss everything.

 

[Catana]

I know darn well someone's going to light into me for this, but... here's a dose of Aspie honesty for you. You've posted here 10 times, and as far as I can see it's all about you and your inability to let go of a relationship that ended a year ago, with someone who might be an aspie. And you are an NT. This site is for people on the spectrum, and while I'm sure everyone appreciates NTs who honestly want to know more about people on the autism spectrum, we're not here to to be counselors and sympathizers for NTs constantly whinging about how they feel. I'm tired of seeing members sucked in by these plays for attention because they're either too polite to say anything or because they don't recognize when they're being used.

 

[tree]

"First and foremost, this forum is attended to be
a friendly support forum for those on and off the spectrum.
Helping others is our goal here."

Post #7 General Rules & Guidelines

 

[Catana]

"First and foremost, this forum is attended to be
a friendly support forum for those on and off the spectrum.
Helping others is our goal here."

Post #7 General Rules & Guidelines

I think I made it quite clear that I understand that. But I don't think this person wants to be helped. She wants attention. Support for NTs should be strictly in the context of their actual relationship with people on the spectrum, or on their desire for understanding so that they can relate to the neurodiverse in a realistic and humane way. When someone who is not on the spectrum constantly focuses on their own feelings, especially when they don't seem to be benefitting from being here (any sign that her obsession with her ex has modified at all?) then they're demanding something from forum members that they should be seeking elsewhere.

If this person is entitled to our time and energy, why not just open the site to anyone who wants free advice about their problems and support for their psychological quirks? And let them know that the same whines repeated over and over again will still get our attention and concern.

 

[Nitro]

This forum is welcome to all walks of life, with no restrictions on what can be asked pertaining to anything about the autism spectrum as long as it isn't disruptive or abusive to others.


I have a suggestion that if a member has nothing productive to add to a thread, don't bother responding to it.

You don't want to be a counselor, then by all means, you are not expected to be one either.

That's a fairly simple concept that will avoid a dispute.

 

[tducey]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. I hope things get better for you and your friend soon.

 

[AO1501]

If this person is entitled to our time and energy, why not just open the site to anyone who wants free advice about their problems and support for their psychological quirks? And let them know that the same whines repeated over and over again will still get our attention and concern.

This person is entitled to post anything they want to, as long as it doesn't offend against the rules and guidelines. She is not entitled to our time and energy, because it is our individual choice to make, whether we, individually, want to give our time and energy.

Personally, I couldn't care less how many times someone posts. I have a perfectly functioning capability to take notice of what I wish to notice, and ignore what I don't.

 

[AO1501]

I don’t think I’ll ever be cared about the way I was then. And I miss my friend everyday. He is still the first person I want to tell when something good happens and when something bad happens. I miss sharing office gossip, I miss the quality time we would spend together and the way I knew exactly what he would order every time we went to dinner, I miss everything.

One thing you really have to bear in mind, is that as long as you are mired in your remembrances of this friendship, and in missing the value it had in your life, what you really will miss most is simply moving on. And unless and until you move on and put this behind you, you will not find it truly possible to find a new friend to replace the one you've lost.