Hi Suzanne, your words are quite graceful and kind, thank you for them. I'm not French, but I love the culture and people
I would say Arielle has classic Autism (somewhere between Mid and high functioning). I wholeheartedly agree that the world can lack empathy and support for Autistic people, I have seen it already with my daughter. I cant tell you how many times Arielle has been struggling in public and having trouble regulating her emotions and people just stare (and judge my parenting) and comment. People can be quite rude!
I think my heart hurts most for her when I see her want to engage others but not know how to and by the time she does, they are off playing with someone "easier" to engage. May I ask you how aware is an Autistic person of this social rejection? It seems to me like she is aware but she doesn't seem to get emotional about it. I swear it bothers me more than it bothers her, if that's possible. But maybe I'm wrong.
For me as a mom, my biggest concern at the moment is with sleep. She gets up often at night and seems to need assistance getting back to sleep. There are times she screams and gets very overwhelmed. It very very easy for her to pick up a habit so I have to be careful of what I do. Do you possibly have any suggestions? She is very exhausted right now and desperately needs sleep.
also how can I best help her when she is struggling with her self regulations? anything I should or shouldn't do?
I'm sorry I am asking you a lot of questions. I hope you dont mind.
One more thing, could you recommend a free site to test an adult for Autism. thx
Hello Lora
If you knew me in person, you would find that this is how I talk anyway, because I am a believer in kindness and goodness and up building and praise where it is due.
It is interesting that you say she doesn't "seem" to show emotion, which could mea that she does not know how to react to the rejection. Even as an adult, I find myself unable to react against nastinesses against me and you said it in one word: they leave her because it is easier to communicate with others, than struggle with her.
What you have to concentrate on instead, if she is not getting a sense of: normality with having friends, is to encourage her to enjoy her owe company and that it is ok to not have tons of friends and that one day, she will have a friend, because when people get to know her, they cannot help but like her. The thing is, you need to find balance between encouragment and excess praise, which could swing the other way with her.
I am not a mother, but I can certainly imagine how painful it is, to see your child rejected.
Probably why I have extreme social phobia, because we cruel humans are such experts at judging others. It is easy to look at a child who is having a tantrum and see bad parenting, so what you MUST do is say that your daughter has autism and that she is in pain, but cannot describe the emotion. Basically, you have to open yourself up, in order for others to maybe understand what is going on.
We live in a world, where parents allow their children to do what ever they want and so, seeing a seemingly normal child acting up or not interacting, will spell bad things.
Just a thought on friendships. If Arielle looks normal ( classic autisic children have a special look about them), then it is down to you, to perhaps invite the parents over, of those children and explain that your daughter does want to play, but having autism makes it difficult. Because most children's behaviour actually starts from their parents. If a child heard a parent being diogratory against a child who has special needs, then naturally the child will learn off the parent.
As for the sleep. You have to be a bit of a detective here, because it is very hard for us to explain emotion and so, you need to ask questions to see what is going on with her. Is she having nightmares? Is she in pain? Does she see things? Is there a colour in the room that is having a bad effect? Is the light on and she prefers it off or visa versa?
My husband said to me this morning, that I am a complicated person, but lol added: well, you are better than you used to be; you have improved. This is because my sensory issues is with smells and lights. I can smell the outdoors when it has been raining and it hangs on his clothes, that gets me feeling very sick.
With a child who is autistic, you, the parent, have to do a lot of searching questions. When she is having a meltdown, do not attempt to hug her; just walk out of the room and give her space and she will calm down. Even if you speak in a smoothing voice, it is like, well - sandpaper to the ears; to mine anyway. Meltdowns though, occur because of lack of understanding.
As to your quiry on adult aspies. Here is the one we all test for, before going for formal diagnosis: aspie quiz.
And, please, feel free to ask away.
Online, it is great; off line - panic lol
