Most will respect me as long as I don't look too dignified.

[Alex_Canti]

When people are clearly disabled, deformed, mentally challenged etc. others will refrain from publicly laughing at them, right? If they do, at least it's frowned upon and there might be consequences. This wasn't always the case and in some places it still isn't. Great that we got this far.
But think about how there's a certain threshold for being rewarded with tolerance: If you have a slight speech impediment, it's "ok" to make fun of it. If your impediment is so bad you almost can't communicate, it's not ok. A little limp? Ok to laugh. Huge physical disability? Not ok. And so on...
I realize the way I behave is funny for most people. I'm somewhere in the middle: sometimes they will laugh, other times they won't. I'm too proud to accept being laughed at, so I've shaped myself and my life around trying to understand and avoid it.

Whatever I could do to change the way I behave and to look more normal, I did it. Other things were beyond my control. That being said, what I've found is this: When I'm well dressed, walking with my head up, displaying confidence, that's when I'm more likely to become a target. On the other hand, if I'm looking shabby, meek and timid (like everyone expects me to be) they will leave me alone. It's like in their eyes my condition and dignity are not compatible.

I want to be respected, I want to look confident. At the same time, how can I remain dignified when people are laughing at me? It seems like there's no scenario in which I retain my dignity. And without it, it's so hard to live.

 

[SunnyDay16]

As hard as this is to swallow, the only person's actions you can control are your own.

You could be the most confident, most attractive, most skilled person in the world and there's still going to be people who aren't nice to you for whatever reason. They may be threatened, jealous, have no tact...the list goes on and on. I would stop trying to appear confident and instead become confident by being able to brush off assholes without being too affected by them.

When people are laughing at you, you can either defend yourself or ignore it. You can simply tell them to **** off, mind their business, or roll your eyes at their childish behavior. You can tell yourself that these people aren't important to you and that they are the ones with the issue, not you. Clearly, they do have issues, since well-adjusted happy people don't normally laugh at people who are struggling.

It won't be easy at first, but the more you can get yourself to do this the less it will hurt. You aren't going to be respected or liked by everyone, that's the reality of life. All you can really do is put people in their place when they are jerks and move on from it.

 

[OkRad]

When people are clearly disabled, deformed, mentally challenged etc. others will refrain from publicly laughing at them, right? If they do, at least it's frowned upon and there might be consequences. This wasn't always the case and in some places it still isn't. Great that we got this far.
But think about how there's a certain threshold for being rewarded with tolerance: If you have a slight speech impediment, it's "ok" to make fun of it. If your impediment is so bad you almost can't communicate, it's not ok. A little limp? Ok to laugh. Huge physical disability? Not ok. And so on...
I realize the way I behave is funny for most people. I'm somewhere in the middle: sometimes they will laugh, other times they won't. I'm too proud to accept being laughed at, so I've shaped myself and my life around trying to understand and avoid it.

Whatever I could do to change the way I behave and to look more normal, I did it. Other things were beyond my control. That being said, what I've found is this: When I'm well dressed, walking with my head up, displaying confidence, that's when I'm more likely to become a target. On the other hand, if I'm looking shabby, meek and timid (like everyone expects me to be) they will leave me alone. It's like in their eyes my condition and dignity are not compatible.

I want to be respected, I want to look confident. At the same time, how can I remain dignified when people are laughing at me? It seems like there's no scenario in which I retain my dignity. And without it, it's so hard to live.

Truly, I could have written this. I had a whole previous life where I was taken seriously and respected. Then came the fall and all the rest. I was astonished at how the things I did before were "quirky", "cute", or "interesting", but now they are "problematic", "useless stimming", and even "delusional". It's like a homeless guy playing Bach in the subway. If he is at Julliard and doing a worse job than the subway homeless man, it's still "better" than the guy in the subway who has perfect pitch and plays perfectly.

It's the idea of keeping to your station in life. Very wrong IMHO. Think of a really rich person with terrible behaviour and it's OK. But a poor person or a disabled person can work so hard to achieve one small victory and it means little because of their "station".

And Yes, I get that about the dress code. If I dress like a "normal person" , people tend to find that confusing. I had a friend with schizophrenia who wanted to look sharp and he liked to work out. A different friend said to me, "Why does he care about working out and how he looks?" I was confused. "What do you mean" Her: "Well, he has schizophrenia.....it doesn't matter...." She kinda caught herself when she saw I did not agree, but WOW, the idea that nothing he did mattered!

I dress very "off" now. I look bizarre not because I try but because I am NOT TYRING to not look bizarre. I gave up. And people do just leave me alone, mostly. But alone with that, yeah, a ton of disrespect, even from those who are supposed to help.

Now, not to be a downer, there are many disabled or different people who make it and are respected and I admire them and hope to achieve that one day.

 

[Alex_Canti]

I would stop trying to appear confident and instead become confident by being able to brush off assholes without being too affected by them.

Good point.