Motivation Level = 0.00% Unless...

[ArtisticAspie]

For most of my life, I have had absolutely NO motivation at all whatsoever to do anything. But the weird part of it is that I actually DO have desires to want to do certain things (I want to make video projects. Nothing really professional, just fun stuff to put on YouTube, etc.), but when I try to get myself to begin making moves toward doing them, I just cannot feel it.

With one exception...

The ONLY time that I ever say what I really want to say or do what I really want to do, no matter how big or small... is when I am really, really angry. It sounds bizarre I know, but unless I am having a bout of "Aspie Rage", I am just a zombie. Only when I let my rage take over do I actually make moves toward doing these things. Same goes for telling people how I feel; even when someone talks to me in a way that, even a NT would view as rotten, I still only do two things; eat crow and like the taste of it. It takes me having to go into Rage Mode in order to retaliate or defend myself.

I hate that this is the reality that I have been ruled by for over three decades. No matter how badly I want to do something, I just cannot bring myself to feel any motivation. I require a deadline or someone screaming at me to do something it seems, but when all is peaceful, and ESPECIALLY when I am at home, my motivation dies. It doesn't just weaken, it DIES completely like it was never there in the first place.

Has anyone ever had this happen with them? Did you overcome it? Please, please, PLEASE let me know how you did! I don't want to wait for ANOTHER three decades to go by before I finally do something!

 

[Katleya]

I had a problem with rage being the only way for me to actually open up and say what I was keeping to myself well into my 20s (I think. Can't recall when it got better exactly). This mostly applied to the truth about some very serious events or issues, and I ran out of those, so I'm not sure if I've learned how to manage it, or if it hasn't happened due to lack of material to bluntly confess to. Well, 'confess' isn't the right word, that seems to show intent to conceal, when I was just being very private about things that ailed me.

Nowadays I try to analyze those things, and try harder still to express them calmly so that frustration and unexpected events don't make me reach that point where I just explode.

 

[Gracey]

Only using my own frustration or rage as a drive. Using the energy to move myself forward. Get my butt into gear and make a small change to my everyday routine.
(Or big changes if I'm really angry - I know I'll wear myself out and crash and burn but I can't sit still if I'm angry)

Break the video project down into smaller pieces, achieve a smaller piece every day? If you find you can't focus for as long as you'd like to, break the project up into shorter, more easily achievable sections. Go at it piece by piece?

 

[Alaska]

Hi Artistic Aspie. Welcome to AC!!!

I think the numbness you speak of sounds a lot like Disassociative Disorder, which I have. For me it happens intermittently. I seem to be getting better at keeping it under control with time, practice and thought.

My Disassociative Disorder problem comes from many traumatic events back to early childhood. From some research I did about this, there seem to be three types of Disassociative Disorder, with one being associated with the aftermath of trauma.

You may be able to find a therapist who deals with Disassociative Disorder who can let you know whether it is responsible for your numbness. It is much cheaper to find group sessions to learn to deal with it. I found one very helpful.

I have learned to recognise other Disassociative Disorder sufferers when one comes on the bus. They will walk down the aisle like a ping pong ball bumping into one person after another and seem completely unaware that this is happening.
Disassociative Disorder (i am going to abbreviate it as DD to save typing), is often associated with PTSD, which adds another set of complications to life. When one becomes active, the other one is usually there also. You might want to readup on these a bit to see if they might fit what is happening to you.

I wrote at least one post on here on ways I cope with DD and PTSD when they take over my life for a while. My coping methods for this have worked even for people who do not have DD and/or PTSD. It may help you also. My blog on this site is called "Musings".

I hope this information is some help for you. Even if you do not have DD or PTSD, it will help to have eliminated them so you can find the right solution for your problem.

 

[Chance]

For most of my life, I have had absolutely NO motivation at all whatsoever to do anything. But the weird part of it is that I actually DO have desires to want to do certain things (I want to make video projects. Nothing really professional, just fun stuff to put on YouTube, etc.), but when I try to get myself to begin making moves toward doing them, I just cannot feel it.

With one exception...

The ONLY time that I ever say what I really want to say or do what I really want to do, no matter how big or small... is when I am really, really angry. It sounds bizarre I know, but unless I am having a bout of "Aspie Rage", I am just a zombie. Only when I let my rage take over do I actually make moves toward doing these things. Same goes for telling people how I feel; even when someone talks to me in a way that, even a NT would view as rotten, I still only do two things; eat crow and like the taste of it. It takes me having to go into Rage Mode in order to retaliate or defend myself.

I hate that this is the reality that I have been ruled by for over three decades. No matter how badly I want to do something, I just cannot bring myself to feel any motivation. I require a deadline or someone screaming at me to do something it seems, but when all is peaceful, and ESPECIALLY when I am at home, my motivation dies. It doesn't just weaken, it DIES completely like it was never there in the first place.

Has anyone ever had this happen with them? Did you overcome it? Please, please, PLEASE let me know how you did! I don't want to wait for ANOTHER three decades to go by before I finally do something!

I tend to not deal with rage well. It shuts me down unless I find a way to convert it to something useful.
I was born into rage, hate, and abuse so Alaska hit the nail on the head with me.

For what is worth I love motivational videos on youtube - TED Talks, Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins (she's hot in some intelligent way)... Overtime this has changed my mindset. The video below is funny, but serious, and it works... Maybe it will help.

 

[tree]

@ArtisticAspie

Sounds like a combination of depression and perfectionism, to me.

Getting angry can be useful sometimes, to get past the feeling that
nothing is really worth doing or once begun a project will be worthless
unless completed in an ideal fashion.

 

[Bella Pines]

Has anyone ever had this happen with them? Did you overcome it?

Yes and sort of. I have very brief and narrow bouts of motivation, I'll occasionally get interested in a news story or YouTuber. Then I'll have an idea about something I want to do but not manage to finish it before I get bored.

My lack of motivation however is all encompassing. I'm not motivated to brush my hair, leave the house, pretend to be an NT etc.

Please, please, PLEASE let me know how you did! I don't want to wait for ANOTHER three decades to go by before I finally do something!

The bad news is that there is no miracle diet or fitness plan to solve the problem. It boils down to effort and discipline. I start small, look for ONE THING to look forward to. So to drag myself to work, I focus on having a coffee. To get myself to lunchtime, I sneak off and do an hour on a personal project. To get myself through the train journey I play a computer game.

The good news is that through doing this I accidentally found a bunch of things that DO motivate me! And if I hadn't hauled myself out into NT society, I never would have discovered my now special interests that I now love.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

this happens to me all the time. i'll want to do something, but i know i just can't put my heart into it. i often erase a lot of my story ideas because i just can't go on. this is the same with my drawing, if i force myself to do it, it won't work. i have to be in the right mood, and i have to know what i am doing. if i do something that doesn't involve art, it needs to be something i have a strong opinion of and really feel compelled to say something.

 

[fairy_girl]

I mostly am inspired with things that I see on Youtube. My problem is that if things don't do the way that I want like modifications to a thing that I worked very hard on, I usually will just end up dropping it and moving onto the next big thing.

I do enjoy exercising and it doesn't have to be where you can barely move your arms afterwards.

 

[Ambi]

For most of my life, I have had absolutely NO motivation at all whatsoever to do anything. But the weird part of it is that I actually DO have desires to want to do certain things (I want to make video projects. Nothing really professional, just fun stuff to put on YouTube, etc.), but when I try to get myself to begin making moves toward doing them, I just cannot feel it.

With one exception...

The ONLY time that I ever say what I really want to say or do what I really want to do, no matter how big or small... is when I am really, really angry. It sounds bizarre I know, but unless I am having a bout of "Aspie Rage", I am just a zombie. Only when I let my rage take over do I actually make moves toward doing these things. Same goes for telling people how I feel; even when someone talks to me in a way that, even a NT would view as rotten, I still only do two things; eat crow and like the taste of it. It takes me having to go into Rage Mode in order to retaliate or defend myself.

I hate that this is the reality that I have been ruled by for over three decades. No matter how badly I want to do something, I just cannot bring myself to feel any motivation. I require a deadline or someone screaming at me to do something it seems, but when all is peaceful, and ESPECIALLY when I am at home, my motivation dies. It doesn't just weaken, it DIES completely like it was never there in the first place.

Has anyone ever had this happen with them? Did you overcome it? Please, please, PLEASE let me know how you did! I don't want to wait for ANOTHER three decades to go by before I finally do something!

I realized that I have been reliant on anger to give me drive in general - not motivation to do anything productive, but to just produce energy - which was very unhealthy for me, and I am trying to stop. As for lack of motivation, it can be a lot of things I'm sure, but I think for me it has to do with low dopamine. I have to try to find a different way to frame things in order to get any motivation - and I am learning to just drop or reprioritize some things that I simply cannot muster enough motivation for and are not essential anyway, or pushing it to the back burner. I don't think this really helps, but I'm just adding what little I can.

 

[Ambi]

Btw, I totally relate to how you have things you do actually want to do, but lack the motivation. For me, I have a lot of interesting ideas of how to help people or causes that I want to support, but I know I'll never have the motivation to do it - I struggle enough with daily life.

 

[kay]

I seem to need a deadline and do things at the last minute. Otherwise I don't seem to know how to start. Three days to try and finish 7 half finished projects and I work all night if I have to and get them done. Always wonder what would happen if I could work on things right away and have more time. Rage just shuts me down, though. Wish I could channel that into something productive. I've had plenty of it the last two months.

 

[andrewpd]

For most of my life, I have had absolutely NO motivation at all whatsoever to do anything. (...)
The ONLY time that I ever say what I really want to say or do what I really want to do, no matter how big or small... is when I am really, really angry.
Has anyone ever had this happen with them? Did you overcome it? Please, please, PLEASE let me know how you did! I don't want to wait for ANOTHER three decades to go by before I finally do something!

I have had almost exactly the same experience.

I have never had strong motivation (if any). I do suffer from depression , but even before then I didn't have any life goals or anything. Yet when I get angry I feel more motivated. But I don't stay angry for long enough to do anything productive. So to get anything done I have to push myself and work slowly and gradually or do thinks gradually in the background of everyday life.

I have learnt the Piano and the Violin over the years but I have had to learn them at my own speed only when I fee like it. I did a degree and that was done in a sporadic manner.