Mourning an old interest.

[On the Inside]

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my interests (or lack thereof, I've been a bit down and haven't been that interested in much).

There are some that I'm glad to be rid of, some I'm glad to still have, and many that I wish I still had.

One such interest is tea. For several years, I was a voracious consumer of tea (I mean real tea, not herbal or tisanes) and delighted in trying anything that I came across, as I developed my "sophisticated palate". There is a highly regarded tea shop in town, run by a man who travels widely in search of interesting teas for his customers. I frequented this shop every two to three weeks, buying two or three types per visit. I also ordered teas online.

While I still drink a lot of tea everyday. I have, sad to admit, just submitted to the low price and convenience of tea bags. It is surprising the variety of tea available, and I will visit various ethnic grocery stores to find what is the "Liptons" of whatever country/ethnic group the store caters to. Some are lousy, some are good, but they are all packaged commodities.

I don't have the time or money now to indulge this and many other interests, and am rather sad about that.

Anyone else have a story to tell?

 

[tachyon]

Over (too many) years I've had many special interests that have been relegated to the bench - usually by a new one appearing and taking all my attention.

Occasionally (during times with no current special interest) I have thought I would get re-aquainted with an old one, but never quite managed to get the same old enthusiasm back (o.k. motorbikes excepted ).

I still think fondly of them and remember how much I enjoyed them and even still enjoy talking about them now, but I don't mourn them.

I've never gone searching for one (they seem to find me) and at the moment I'm in-between and looking forward to the next one appearing

Maybe you could occasionally buy a 'special' tea and make 'special' occasions to enjoy it.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I have an old passion for oil painting, and a hangup about doing it better. I've accumulated years of paint, media, and supports (canvas, wood, paper). I remember, in my very poorest days, deciding that I would eat soup for a week to afford a tube of ultramarine blue, and did so. I learned that Franz Klein is right: a square inch of blue and a square foot of blue are not the same blue, all other variables being equal. One is present, one has presence. It's the difference between a thumbnail and a full-sized image.


Exploring Blue, ~1984.

I took life drawing, basic drawing, and tried not to get sucked into drawing (I got sucked into drawing), then would get lost in a professional special interest, and have to start over, so I never really did get better. I discovered lineoleum block and carved a seagull, feathers silhouetted. Lost the block in a move. I developed a passion for pastels.


The Little Bull, ~2006.

New professional passion takes over, or I send myself to a conference to keep myself employable.

Photography takes over--slowly, quietly. I need a visual for this or that project. I don't have room for the supplies. And, finally, I have a digital camera, and the years I spent practicing framing for film are now on speed as I practice, practice, practice. I got better so much faster. At photography.

I miss the smell of the film, and the snick of the canister slotting into place, and the click of the rear door awaiting visual treasures and pleasures to come.

But some days I think I can smell linseed oil. Today, my little aromatherapy diffuser, loaded with frankincense, leaves a thick chemical odor, like turpentine substitute, and the smell of the paint and the way it felt to be painting lurks at the edges of my awareness. I've lost the smell of the paint and the sensation of a paintbrush bristling with buttery minerals smearing the gritty canvas, the absorption of my senses, to this quick, dry stuff, and I think, what is wrong with me?

And then I look at the difference between a quality product and a quality experience, and I remember: what is wrong with me is not that I am a bad painter, but that I let the good be the enemy of the best, and that this is how I torment myself.

Thank you for opening this thread. I needed to let this pain out.


EDIT: Do you have a favorite story about the tea shop owner?

 

[Adora]

I use to draw a lot in fact when I was a teenager I nearly drew everyday,I loved drawing cartoons or anime and even wanted to be a comic book artist,my dad at times would say nasty things about my drawings but that didn't stop me at the time,but recently I struggle to even pick up a pencil i think my own insecurities have caught up with me,the desire to draw is still there and I do still doodle once in a while but I can't figure out why I have this block at the moment.

 

[tachyon]

A

I use to draw a lot in fact when I was a teenager I nearly drew everyday,I loved drawing cartoons or anime and even wanted to be a comic book artist,my dad at times would say nasty things about my drawings but that didn't stop me at the time,but recently I struggle to even pick up a pencil i think my own insecurities have caught up with me,the desire to draw is still there and I do still doodle once in a while but I can't figure out why I have this block at the moment.

Adora
I have only recently started to draw. It is not (yet) a special interest. When I sit down to draw, I have no idea what I'm going to create. I just want to create an image on paper where nothing existed before. I have no interest in creating something that somebody else might find (insert chosen adjective here). Sometimes I'm pleased with the result & sometimes not.
PLEASE - create more images for your own satisfaction

 

[Adora]

A

Adora
I have only recently started to draw. It is not (yet) a special interest. When I sit down to draw, I have no idea what I'm going to create. I just want to create an image on paper where nothing existed before. I have no interest in creating something that somebody else might find (insert chosen adjective here). Sometimes I'm pleased with the result & sometimes not.
PLEASE - create more images for your own satisfaction

Thank you I just gotta convince myself that i should draw for myself and not what others may want me to draw or what others think I got ideas for drawings but just gotta get them on paper

 

[On the Inside]

I have an old passion for oil painting, and a hangup about doing it better. I've accumulated years of paint, media, and supports (canvas, wood, paper). I remember, in my very poorest days, deciding that I would eat soup for a week to afford a tube of ultramarine blue, and did so. I learned that Franz Klein is right: a square inch of blue and a square foot of blue are not the same blue, all other variables being equal. One is present, one has presence. It's the difference between a thumbnail and a full-sized image.

View attachment 16955
Exploring Blue, ~1984.

I took life drawing, basic drawing, and tried not to get sucked into drawing (I got sucked into drawing), then would get lost in a professional special interest, and have to start over, so I never really did get better. I discovered lineoleum block and carved a seagull, feathers silhouetted. Lost the block in a move. I developed a passion for pastels.

View attachment 16956
The Little Bull, ~2006.

New professional passion takes over, or I send myself to a conference to keep myself employable.

Photography takes over--slowly, quietly. I need a visual for this or that project. I don't have room for the supplies. And, finally, I have a digital camera, and the years I spent practicing framing for film are now on speed as I practice, practice, practice. I got better so much faster. At photography.

I miss the smell of the film, and the snick of the canister slotting into place, and the click of the rear door awaiting visual treasures and pleasures to come.

But some days I think I can smell linseed oil. Today, my little aromatherapy diffuser, loaded with frankincense, leaves a thick chemical odor, like turpentine substitute, and the smell of the paint and the way it felt to be painting lurks at the edges of my awareness. I've lost the smell of the paint and the sensation of a paintbrush bristling with buttery minerals smearing the gritty canvas, the absorption of my senses, to this quick, dry stuff, and I think, what is wrong with me?

And then I look at the difference between a quality product and a quality experience, and I remember: what is wrong with me is not that I am a bad painter, but that I let the good be the enemy of the best, and that this is how I torment myself.

Thank you for opening this thread. I needed to let this pain out.


EDIT: Do you have a favorite story about the tea shop owner?

I have gone through all that, and add pottery, furniture building, metalwork to the list. Photography was the one area that surprised me most, as it takes a great deal of technical care, organization and neatness, especially when developing your own prints. None of which comes naturally to me.

The pain for me is that I began each of these creative journeys with the hope that they would lead me outside of myself. Not sure I can verbalize it, but I was working to transform something deep inside me that I felt separated me from those who seemed to be able to find meaning, joy and a sense of belonging in existence. Years later I learn I have Aspergers, so that explains that. But it doesn't excuse the abandonment of those endeavors that, when I could really get in the zone, were a vital part of my life.

Work and the need to earn a living, and put those earnings to other uses sidelined these things.

Tachyon, I am beginning to look back with fondness rather than resentment. Being diagnosed has helped with that, I understand that my intensity of interest was not really sustainable, and that my hope for "transfomation" was far out of line with realistic expectations.

I am getting a more balanced view of life now.

Thanks for the replies, hope we can all approach things like this in ways that are helpful and enriching.

 

[danielcollins]

Yup I know what you mean, I sometimes idolise over some of my previous rituals and interests which consumed a large amount of my time and kept me focused/interested for days. Although as I get older I realise how much rose tinted glasses I look through on the past.

I think as aspies we have a real problem letting go of things that we've physically moved on from. As I've say to some of my friends - the idea is much better than the reality.

Anyway - I hope you find something which peaks your interests!

 

[Harrison]

Recently I have 'missed' two of my old interests, poetry and sketching. I don't even remember when I stopped doing them, when I think back they were there on and off untill a few years ago.

I think I should make a return to those things.

 

[Adora]

Recently I have 'missed' two of my old interests, poetry and sketching. I don't even remember when I stopped doing them, when I think back they were there on and off untill a few years ago.

I think I should make a return to those things.

I'm trying to do the same with my cartoon drawings I really miss drawing but can't figure out exactly what has stopped me I haven't done a complete drawing in over a year which is the longest I've been without drawing something.

 

[Harrison]

I'm trying to do the same with my cartoon drawings I really miss drawing but can't figure out exactly what has stopped me I haven't done a complete drawing in over a year which is the longest I've been without drawing something.

I'm the same, no idea why the muse left me. Hopefully we can both get it back

 

[Adora]

I'm the same, no idea why the muse left me. Hopefully we can both get it back

Yes hopefully our muses will decide to give us inspiration again