Moving to a new state. 3: I hate change.

[SalemGreencat]

My partners and I are moving to a new state and its freaking me out so much. I just finished grad school, and I feel super upset all the time because everything is so different. I finally got used to how grad school worked and now I'm done with it. I've been a student for 9 years now, and the shift to non-student is hard. I have an interview in the new place scheduled for after the move, but I don't want to meet new people. I don't want to learn a new commute. I don't want to figure out all the new expectations and rules in the new place. I am tired and am easily overstimulated because of all the stress I am having about this and one of my partners says that my stress is affecting him too much. Me and my more established partner (7 yrs) are moving in with our more recent partner (1 yr) and that transition is difficult too. Packing and not having access to my things is the worst part though.

I want to do all these things its just so hard and I cant keep up with taking care of myself so I am just a mess all the time. If ten is a meltdown, I am normally at a 6 or 7 most days all day- and little things add up quicker because of it. Lately I am riding a 8-9 and even one small difficult/uncomfy/scary thing causes me to melt down multiple times a day. I don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal, but I just wish I could stop being conscious for a while because I need a break. Any ideas on how to cope while still getting things done?

Trying hard not to be mean to myself here, so I'm gonna go ahead and post this before I apologize.
-Salem

 

[Aneka]

I feel the same about new places! I like to go to new places on vacation but I enjoy returning home more. I also like the area I live in so I can not imagine moving someplace else (but I could imagine moving into another house/ apartmentment).
Whenever I go on a stay somewhere it takes me 3 days to fully climatize.
Back home, the same procedure. After a long trip home feels alien, too.
The more you move, the less it bothers you though...

You don't need to go out socializing right away in a new place. No one expects this.
Take your time, don't rush it. You have two people on your side.

This is just stress-induced anxiety, it will get better once you have settled. Moving is always a great endeavour

 

[SusanLR]

I've moved from coast to coast in my lifetime.
Born in Arizona, my parents moved to Missouri to be with my Grandmother when I was five.
At that age I was excited.
That soon wore off when I found how different and cold a winter can be in Missouri.

I lived there through all education years and followed my parents to Florida when Dad retired.
Normally I couldn't even tolerate a trip of 100 miles for a weekend, but, somehow I wasn't that anxious about the
move to Florida.
Finding the right place for employment was rough, but, finally landed a good career in wholesale pharmaceuticals.

Now, I am retired. Moving would be upsetting.
I know that surreal feeling of being somewhere different and the alien feel of readjusting to coming home.
So it got worse as I aged.

Take time to chill when you can. Know these feelings are temporary and not unusual for us. Good luck!

 

[Rodafina]

Lately I am riding a 8-9 and even one small difficult/uncomfy/scary thing causes me to melt down multiple times a day.

This sounds like an exhausting place to be in all the time. I can totally relate to this. Time to call in all your resources, and do the things that comfort, strengthen, and energize you.

Moving is an incredible amount of work and organization, maybe staying really focused on the practical tasks would actually restore some energy?

Despite two loving partners, or maybe because there are two partners, if alone time is your thing, then make sure you are getting that, too! I can’t function at all if I don’t get a good amount of time to myself. Meltdowns are guaranteed.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The stress of life changes are cumulative in the short term, over about a year. So, take care of yourself and focus on something every day that will calm yourself. One thing that I have learned is that life is change, whether in a career or personally. For me that has meant keeping an even strain. Some of managing that is like in my career when I could identify need and train myself to fill it, essentially allowing myself to define positions that I could move into. Plus, I have never stopped learning and is something that gives me comfort when I travel to enjoy different cultures.

 

[SalemGreencat]

Thank you everyone, these responses are helping me quite a bit.

 

[Aspychata]

Thank you everyone, these responses are helping me quite a bit.

Also moving rates high as a top stress item. So at least you know you aren't overreacting. Maybe go to a room. Turn off the lights, put ear buds in and just zone out for one hour. Try to just concentrate on breathing slowly.