Moving to different department, dreading a 'going away' with colleagues

[Mono]

If anyone knows a better title, please let me know... I'm moving to a different team/department within our organisation. I had a chance to test/try the work and meet everyone there, it's much better suited for me. In my previous place I had various jobs and would need to switch regularly between them, there'd also be deadlines followed by a lot of down time. In the new department, I have a steady flow of work and can just focus on one bigger task, rather than several smaller ones.
So I'm not really leaving, just switching teams. But I am still dreading any 'saying goodbye' with my current team. My birthday is pretty much a state secret, just the thought of them all focusing on me stresses me out. So if we plan anything at all, that would be the same. I could just do something with only the 3 people I worked with the most. My team leader knows me and is fine with anything. But then I'd leave people out. I'm really hitting a wall here. Does anyone have experience with this, maybe a good idea that wouldn't stress me out? Any help would be appreciated, thanks in advance

 

[Hypnalis]

Tell your team leader you don't want any kind of send-off, and ask that he makes sure there isn't one.

It sounds like you've had that discussion about birthdays already, so frame it as a reminder that you're an introvert, and find social activities focused on you very uncomfortable.

This is nothing to be ashamed of or to apologize for. It's an important boundary for most introverts and most ASDs, and should never be explained or defended. Being comfortable with it helps too: if it comes up, allow your team lead to tell the team that you explicitly don't want a send off. This might makes things easier for them, and in exchange they'll make it easier for you.

Note that this doesn't mean you can't have lunch or an after-work drink with your closest colleagues/friends.
You're only saying no to being the center of attention in a activity you don't enjoy. Most people will understand.

Anyone else, use something like the "very uncomfortable" comment above.
There are many polite options, and IMO all introverts benefit from learning as many as possible, and practicing using them IRL.

FWIW I do this myself, and almost everyone respects the boundaries.
In my case most of the pushback is from people not believing I'm an introvert /lol.

 

[Grondhammar]

The best manager I ever had asked everyone (introvert, ASD, NT, didn't matter), "How do you want to be appreciated?" whenever special projects ended (well), or people transitioned. It's good management to listen to employee's preferences with things like this, so ^^^ what Hypnalis said is totally appropriate.

 

[the_tortoise]

Does anyone have experience with this, maybe a good idea that wouldn't stress me out? Any help would be appreciated, thanks in advance

My only advice:

Just tell them how you feel, what you can handle/tolerate and what you cannot.

If you wanted to say goodbye to each person individually, maybe you could plan a small visit over coffee/tea with each of them -- say on a break time at work or after work? Write them each a letter?

Just talk to them and tell them what you want and need.

I did this when I had offline friends and coworkers.

I distinctly remember, for example, telling every single person I knew how much I hated large parties and that I was overwhelmed even by smaller social gatherings; And that given this, if anyone ever threw me a surprise party on my birthday I would be both traumatized and would refuse to participate; That I would walk out and not come back until it was over, and that they would seriously never be forgiven - that I was not joking. This was accepted, and on my birthday each friend paid me a visit for one on one time celebration.

 

[Judge]

Sort of reminds me how comfortable I became as a website designer working within the Marketing Department of a major corporate entity. Where for whatever reason I seemed to socially blend in better.

Until some major organizational changes occurred, and I was relocated into the IT Department as many people thought was more logical. Yet technical minds don't necessarily translate well in terms of marketing principles, and while making and maintaining a website is largely of a technical nature, the design of them was largely a marketing concern.

Of course in my case I had no choice in the matter, and "that was that". I got along with the IT folks, but it was never the same again socially. With the head of the department being somewhat of an ass in a three-piece suit. While the Vice President of Marketing was a "cool dude" who I never saw in a suit. Always with short sleeves and a smile.

 

[Masked Man]

Have you ever had a going away party at work? Or are you just dreading something that may not even happen?

Any going away thing that has ever happened at my work places are usually pretty low key. Sometimes people bring in some food. Maybe a cake. You might get a card that everyone signed. And that's about it.

It's still a work day - not likely anything is going to get shut down.

You can just tell them you really don't want anything. I think you'd be surprised to find out that most people don't want anything either.

 

[Aspychata]

Do you have a lunch room? Just say l am bringing cookies for my relocation, leave in break-room, with a note saying you appreciated everyone , and when your last day is, and have a cookie on me. It's a stab at your issue, l truly would be stressed, too.

 

[Mono]

Thank you all kindly for your replies and ideas.

My team leader is great, she told me upfront that not having any send-off was fine as well. It's exactly that, I don't like being the center of attention. People might give me cards or a present. Or have a surprise for me because it's something they like, they automatically (though with good intentions) think I must like it as well...

Something after work with my closest colleagues sounds like a good idea for me, so does leaving a treat with a note. Really I'm only changing teams and relocating to a different floor, I will probably still see most of them every once in a while. So that also makes it feel a little pointless to me, personally.

My old team has a meeting next Thursday, I could also send a cake and then just look them up individually later when I'm back at work.

@the_tortoise: Incredible that you had the courage to say that. It's funny, I can do that with friends and family. It's actually harder for me with colleagues.

@Judge: Reorganisations like that can really suck. Good to hear about that President for Marketing though. You still work there?

No, never had a going away party. Being the center of attention stresses me out, period. Dreading it (the waiting) does make it worse. In my last 2 jobs I left due to burnout, on the last one I sent them a cake.

Aspychata, I think I might do something like that, yes. Thank you, and again thanks to you all for your input. It'll be a while, but I'll check back here to let you know what I did / how it went.

Edit: I got a little crazy with emoji's, edited them out.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I had a retirement lunch when I left cake next day ate my piece of cake left was being a closet extravert was OK.
Stroke a few weeks later then months of anxiety did I infect the restaurant with covid, being patient zero in Brampton. Worried about my former colleagues getting infected.

 

[Masked Man]

I think most work places do not have a kind of party like you are thinking. It's nothing like that. The most that happens is that maybe there might be a carry in where people bring food. But that might not even happen either - it depends on the sort of work you do and the people you work with. Try not to worry about it.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The only time we had parties was Christmas and when some one retired.