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Mum seeking advice prior to SENDCo meeting at son’s school

J

Jettijetti

New Member
Hello, I’m new here. Seeking advice ahead of initial SENDCo (Special Educational Needs coordinator) meeting who is going to refer for ASD assessment. I’m a mum to an 8yo boy who shows some autism signs.
What do I need to ask for? What can I expect from the school?
For years I thought it was anxiety related to covid. He is academic so the school never raised their concerns with me until I asked as things are becoming more challenging at home, not less. He still has extreme anxieties, heightened sensitivities, finds it hard to see other people’s point of view, struggles with playing family games, struggles with losing, also I don’t think he relates well to peers, and doesn’t have many friends. I’ve seen him raise his voice a lot with peers, and not be very interested in making friends outside of his closest 2 friends - who the school have now split him from for next year.
I’m meeting the SENDCo who is going to refer for ASD assessment and looking for your advice ahead of that meeting. Thank you
 
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I have not been in this situation myself, but I would make sure you have a lot of examples of your sons behaviour in different contexts. The diagnostic criteria are skewed towards males so this is in your favour.

I am thinking that you are in the UK

As always with these meetings, it is wise to go prepared with the questions you want to ask on a bit of paper, so you can make sure you have covered the points you want to make before you leave.
 
Hi there, so first off, is this referral for diagnosis something that you and the school both agree is necessary?

Assuming so, I would use the time to find out how they will support your son and family in the process. What will they do. I would also ask how you will stay coordinated, and ask to discuss anything they contribute, or at least have sight before sending.

If he is diagnosed that period just after can be challenging as you suddenly have a bunch of things you need to look after: therapies, etc. I would ask how the school would support you in that, but also how they will be supporting your son regardless of outcome of diagnosis. They clearly recognise he has needs, so what will be their plan?

Good luck, it's a fair old hike to navigate this path, but it sounds like your boy has understanding parents.

FYI, I'm autistic with two spectrum kids under 10.

The last thing to say might be confronting... Autism is strongly hereditary. You or your partner, or another family member, might identify with some of the discussions and questions. Be aware, and be gentle to yourselves if so. It's how I found out.
 
Jettijetti said:
Hello, I’m new here. Seeking advice ahead of initial SENDCo (Special Educational Needs coordinator) meeting who is going to refer for ASD assessment. I’m a mum to an 8yo boy who shows some autism signs.
What do I need to ask for? What can I expect from the school?
For years I thought it was anxiety related to covid. He is academic so the school never raised their concerns with me until I asked as things are becoming more challenging at home, not less. He still has extreme anxieties, heightened sensitivities, finds it hard to see other people’s point of view, struggles with playing family games, struggles with losing, also I don’t think he relates well to peers, and doesn’t have many friends. I’ve seen him raise his voice a lot with peers, and not be very interested in making friends outside of his closest 2 friends - who the school have now split him from for next year.
I’m meeting the SENDCo who is going to refer for ASD assessment and looking for your advice ahead of that meeting. Thank you
Click to expand...
Tell them just what you told us here. Then, let the assessment people do their thing.
 
Maybe it would be helpful to find a calm and quiet time to chat with your son to get his ideas on things that would help him. Having assessments and referrals as a child can make it feel like we've done something wrong or are inadequate. Maybe you can help prepare your kid for the assessment by reassuring him that this is to help him be his best, not because he is a disappointment or a difficult child.
 
Jettijetti said:
Hello, I’m new here. Seeking advice ahead of initial SENDCo (Special Educational Needs coordinator) meeting who is going to refer for ASD assessment. I’m a mum to an 8yo boy who shows some autism signs.
What do I need to ask for? What can I expect from the school?
For years I thought it was anxiety related to covid. He is academic so the school never raised their concerns with me until I asked as things are becoming more challenging at home, not less. He still has extreme anxieties, heightened sensitivities, finds it hard to see other people’s point of view, struggles with playing family games, struggles with losing, also I don’t think he relates well to peers, and doesn’t have many friends. I’ve seen him raise his voice a lot with peers, and not be very interested in making friends outside of his closest 2 friends - who the school have now split him from for next year.
I’m meeting the SENDCo who is going to refer for ASD assessment and looking for your advice ahead of that meeting. Thank you
Click to expand...
So he had the audacity to be born neurologically different, how terrible 😵 that is the greatest sin ever committed,his sins are great being different, another calumny doesn't play family games,he's not mindlessly happy how! terrible,he must commit endless actual crimes under international law,doesn't lack a personality that can be abused shock horror
 
Jettijetti said:
Hello, I’m new here. Seeking advice ahead of initial SENDCo (Special Educational Needs coordinator) meeting who is going to refer for ASD assessment. I’m a mum to an 8yo boy who shows some autism signs.
What do I need to ask for? What can I expect from the school?
For years I thought it was anxiety related to covid. He is academic so the school never raised their concerns with me until I asked as things are becoming more challenging at home, not less. He still has extreme anxieties, heightened sensitivities, finds it hard to see other people’s point of view, struggles with playing family games, struggles with losing, also I don’t think he relates well to peers, and doesn’t have many friends. I’ve seen him raise his voice a lot with peers, and not be very interested in making friends outside of his closest 2 friends - who the school have now split him from for next year.
I’m meeting the SENDCo who is going to refer for ASD assessment and looking for your advice ahead of that meeting. Thank you
Click to expand...
Well, it could go well and they could offer relevant resources to help. Or they could do what they did when I made the same inquiry: Accuse me of child abuse and call Child Protective Services. This led to seventeen and a half years of private schools. I was twice abused by school systems: Once when I was a student, and again as a parent. It has traumatized me for life. I sure hope this does not happen to you.
 
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