I’ve always had a complex relationship with music. I’m a highly sensitive person and I was very much that way as a child. Music could certainly be loud or scary at that age. I didn’t like slow music when I was little either. My parents were always playing classical music and opera around the house, and that was always unappealing – no beat, screechy violins, loud drums, cymbals, and horns. Opera singing voices could be loud, too (soprano voices sounded like screaming to me). Same with choral voices.
Tunes could also be very affecting. Often melodies could seem “sad” or “subdued” – even if the song was supposed to be happy. Such tunes could make me feel uneasy. By the time I was 4-and-a-half or 5, such tunes could even make me feel anxious. I wouldn’t even want to listen to such songs. If I had gotten a record that had any songs like that on it, I’d want to get rid of it. Over the next few years I was able to tolerate such music, but it still made me anxious. I also noticed a lot of popular songs at that time had violins on them, which wasn’t pleasant either.
Then by the time I was in 4th Grade, I found myself actually being drawn to the type of music that would have made me anxious as a as a young child. I even found myself developing a liking towards it in time. By the time I was 12 I found myself enjoying it even more and started a collection of records and tapes by the groups and singers I liked. It even included a fair amount of music from before I was born. I even started liking violins on songs if I liked the tune. Even the very songs that made me anxious as a child I found myself liking. It seems as time went on, the more a song was the type that would have given me trouble as a young child, the more I liked it. It went on for a while. During that time it felt like music I liked could make me feel happy – it would make happy times seem more so, and even cheer me up when I wasn’t feeling good. I even liked sharing it with friends (those who liked the same kind of music). I deemed myself a music lover.
Then when I was 14-and-a-half, the anxious feelings began to return. I was worried because I thought I was over them. They continued on and off over the next several years, with periods of enjoying music and periods of feeling anxious. After a significant period of enjoying music, the anxious feelings returned again when I was 24-and-a-half, and they have remained since then. So I guess I never really did get over them like I thought. As sad as I am about it, I’ll probably never be able to embrace music again.
I see there are various threads about music here. I can certainly add comments in those threads based on how I think I feel. Just keep in mind that I am unsure.
Tunes could also be very affecting. Often melodies could seem “sad” or “subdued” – even if the song was supposed to be happy. Such tunes could make me feel uneasy. By the time I was 4-and-a-half or 5, such tunes could even make me feel anxious. I wouldn’t even want to listen to such songs. If I had gotten a record that had any songs like that on it, I’d want to get rid of it. Over the next few years I was able to tolerate such music, but it still made me anxious. I also noticed a lot of popular songs at that time had violins on them, which wasn’t pleasant either.
Then by the time I was in 4th Grade, I found myself actually being drawn to the type of music that would have made me anxious as a as a young child. I even found myself developing a liking towards it in time. By the time I was 12 I found myself enjoying it even more and started a collection of records and tapes by the groups and singers I liked. It even included a fair amount of music from before I was born. I even started liking violins on songs if I liked the tune. Even the very songs that made me anxious as a child I found myself liking. It seems as time went on, the more a song was the type that would have given me trouble as a young child, the more I liked it. It went on for a while. During that time it felt like music I liked could make me feel happy – it would make happy times seem more so, and even cheer me up when I wasn’t feeling good. I even liked sharing it with friends (those who liked the same kind of music). I deemed myself a music lover.
Then when I was 14-and-a-half, the anxious feelings began to return. I was worried because I thought I was over them. They continued on and off over the next several years, with periods of enjoying music and periods of feeling anxious. After a significant period of enjoying music, the anxious feelings returned again when I was 24-and-a-half, and they have remained since then. So I guess I never really did get over them like I thought. As sad as I am about it, I’ll probably never be able to embrace music again.
I see there are various threads about music here. I can certainly add comments in those threads based on how I think I feel. Just keep in mind that I am unsure.
