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My 12 year old is super unfriendly, "mean," "bossy," "controlling"

D

deedom22

New Member
And yes he does care and want friends! We've done therapy after social skills after ABA after psychotherapy after speech, etc. for YEARS AND HE STILL DOESNT GET IT. IN FACT HE'S WORSE. IS THERE ANY HOPE?
 
Perhaps it is time for you to try and GET HIM. Sorry, but it seems it is all him having to get your world.

Would you give some examples of what he is rude and controlling about?

There are a few stratagies you can try. When he is being obnoxious, try walking away from him.
 
Hi & Welcome,
There's always hope, especially at 12. If you stay on it, the boy may make a turn around.
 
I also want to add that at his age, the more you struggle to turn him one way, the more he'll fight. He is genetically programmed to resist your attempts to condition him.

He has to decide for himself if he wants to make the necessary adjustments to better fit in with others.
 
NateSean said:
I also want to add that at his age, the more you struggle to turn him one way, the more he'll fight. He is genetically programmed to resist your attempts to condition him.

He has to decide for himself if he wants to make the necessary adjustments to better fit in with others.
Click to expand...

Agreed, that is where the change will come from. But bad behavior has to have a natural negative consequence - a non emotional, logical and inexorable consequence. Any giving in, toleration by the parent, teachers, medical professionals only delays any progress. An out of control 12 yr old is one thing. At 18 they are another and the consequences become grim.
 
First of all, welcome!

12 is an extremely difficult age for most of those on the autism spectrum (myself included). I don't know the specifics of all you have tried, but just off the top of my head, sometimes it just comes down to finding the right person to work with him, who "clicks" with him so to speak. Depending on where you are, there may be special programs, even special schools, to help him with his difficulties. This is definitely something that any parent would have a near-impossible time of dealing with on their own. I wish you the best of luck, and I also encourage you to browse around the forums and ask more questions...we have a few areas specifically related to the issues you have mentioned.

Best,
wyv
 
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