My boss told me to just "snap out of it."

[ajmilam93]

So, I recently got a new job in the mall. I thought it was going well at first, but one of my managers noticed my impaired social skills. She started asking me questions about why I'm so quiet and weird. Social situations make me extremely nervous, and her constantly pointing my nervousness out doesn't help. Apparently, I continuously fidget, and she kept getting onto me about it. She eventually got upset with me for being nervous, and so I tried tell her about my case of Aspergers. I told her about my difficulty in social situations, and she told me to "snap out of it" as if it were that simple for me. I told her I don't read social skills well, and she didn't understand what I meant. She said she wants me to break out of my shell, and I'm trying. Its difficult when this "shell" is actually my own head. I feel like I'm trapped inside my own head with no way out. I'm afraid I might lose this job over these concerns, and its stressing me out. I feel like such a failure. No matter how hard I try, I can't connect to people. I'm losing way to many people over this. Has anybody had a similar experience?

 

[Arashi222]

I don't think you are alone in that a lot of people don't understand what Asperger's is. Or they choose not to know what it is because they simply do not understand what it truly entails for those of us that have it. I wonder if maybe pulling her aside and having a discussion a frank one about the fact that you can't snap out of AS you can work with it but that means (point out like what the manager did) that makes it hard for you to know how to (then fill in the blank). I have worked at the same job for a long long time and though there are still times when its just like why can't you be normal I just shrug and say well I'm not. But in your case maybe having a chat off the floor about what AS is and how that affects your daily life. It maybe that she really doesn't understand. I hope things get better. I hope we can help you! Meanwhile we're here for you.

 

[Droopy]

It was very rude of her to tell you to "just snap out of it". She clearly must not have a clue what it is or how it works. Perhaps ask her to look up Aspergers on the internet so that she can get a better idea of it? You could give her some links to good articles.

 

[. . .]

So, I recently got a new job in the mall. I thought it was going well at first, but one of my managers noticed my impaired social skills. She started asking me questions about why I'm so quiet and weird. Social situations make me extremely nervous, and her constantly pointing my nervousness out doesn't help. Apparently, I continuously fidget, and she kept getting onto me about it. She eventually got upset with me for being nervous, and so I tried tell her about my case of Aspergers. I told her about my difficulty in social situations, and she told me to "snap out of it" as if it were that simple for me. I told her I don't read social skills well, and she didn't understand what I meant. She said she wants me to break out of my shell, and I'm trying. Its difficult when this "shell" is actually my own head. I feel like I'm trapped inside my own head with no way out. I'm afraid I might lose this job over these concerns, and its stressing me out. I feel like such a failure. No matter how hard I try, I can't connect to people. I'm losing way to many people over this. Has anybody had a similar experience?

Ha, "just snap out of it"? If someone would tell me something like that I'd stop being able to take them seriously.

Anyway, how long have you been at your job? You might eventually acquire good enough social skills to be able to tolerate your job. If not, I suggest that you try to find another job while holding this one as the stress this current job of yours is causing might not be worth dealing with. Jobs which require you to have fairly good social skills generally aren't suitable for people on the spectrum.

 

[Kelly]

If she tells you to snap out of it again then comeback with a "Oh and I suppose people in wheelchairs should just stop being so damn lazy and start walking...it's not as simple as snapping out of it, this is part of my condition and I can't help it"

I agree with the other suggestions of educating your boss about Asperger's, maybe some links or printout some info about it and make it clear it's not something you can just turn off at will.

 

[King_Oni]

Isn't this pretty much a perfect example what, in my opinion "autism awareness" should be all about. People, and especially employers (which fall under a category of "obligatory people you have to deal with") should be aware and less ignorant about what people might have.

Yes, employers might think it's BS...

It's also why I worry a lot about being employed... I don't want them to make it all sweet and nice for me, but at least make it bearable for me to do my job instead of making a job out of "keeping myself together".

 

[Bay]

It was very rude of her to tell you to "just snap out of it". She clearly must not have a clue what it is or how it works. Perhaps ask her to look up Aspergers on the internet so that she can get a better idea of it? You could give her some links to good articles.

I agree that she has been rude to you, but what to do now? Being rude back may cost you your job. I have sometimes had success telling people that it is like being in another culture, as though I grew up speaking another language and now I am trying to function in another culture where I don't understand the rules very well. Sometimes I tell people that it is like being colorblind, that I just cannot see facial expressions and body language the way most people can. I always emphasize that I work hard at it every day, and that I appreciate it when I am given a little assist now and then.

 

[epath13]

So, I recently got a new job in the mall. I thought it was going well at first, but one of my managers noticed my impaired social skills. She started asking me questions about why I'm so quiet and weird. Social situations make me extremely nervous, and her constantly pointing my nervousness out doesn't help. Apparently, I continuously fidget, and she kept getting onto me about it. She eventually got upset with me for being nervous, and so I tried tell her about my case of Aspergers. I told her about my difficulty in social situations, and she told me to "snap out of it" as if it were that simple for me. I told her I don't read social skills well, and she didn't understand what I meant. She said she wants me to break out of my shell, and I'm trying. Its difficult when this "shell" is actually my own head. I feel like I'm trapped inside my own head with no way out. I'm afraid I might lose this job over these concerns, and its stressing me out. I feel like such a failure. No matter how hard I try, I can't connect to people. I'm losing way to many people over this. Has anybody had a similar experience?

What she said was inappropriate. But I do have a few questions.
Does your social awkwardness interfere with the work you do? What kind of job you do?
Do you have an official diagnosis?
If you do, have you mentioned it when they hired you?

I personally would go to your manager's boss or contact HR after having a private conversation with her (if she wouldn't want to listen or attempt to understand), from my experience it's better to address issue right away instead of waiting until it gets worse. If you really need that job and can't do without it standing up for yourself might be difficult but still, you can at least try to talk to your manager. I would try to find someone to help you if you can, a counselor or employment consultant... Not sure, it depends where you live, try to find local Autism organization. Those people might be able to advise you how to talk to the manager.
The reason why I'm suggesting to get another person involved is because you might get frustrated and don't say what you need to say. Also you're not there to demand anything, you might want to indicate that you like the job but need to get used to the setting etc, might also draw attention to the qualities of yours that the work place can benefit from, so you don't seem like some awkward person who has problems with socializing, instead you have to show them that you're valuable employee who's got some minor deficiencies due to your condition and who's ready to address those deficiencies. Anyway,this is just en example, but I would still get an advise from a person or people who familiar with this kind of situations, or should I say, have expertise in it.

Hope, this all is helpful

 

[Flinty]

So, I recently got a new job in the mall.

This tells me everything I need to know. There are very few mall jobs that are well-suited for Aspies. Unless your title is something like "custodian" or "fryer operator", I'd start looking for something else, even if only for your own sanity.

 

[2010Dolby]

You honestly need to apply to a warehouse. I work with the same people everyday, so I get to know them and I dont have that "Converstation-with-a-stranger" moment. Or any other job that doesnt involve talking to customers. Like an office or something.

But other then that, you have legal rights that protect you in these situations. Are you in the US? If so, workers rights are very strong (in my opinion a bit TOO strong) but you should be able to work something out with your boss.

Is your boss a cool guy or is he/she as nasty as it sounds in this thread?

 

[spock1969]

I've been there. I hope since you posted that things have improved. I especially relate to your line "I feel like I'm trapped inside my own head with no way out." I'm also in Alcoholics Anonymous and people in AA often mention "being in their own head." I'm always in my own head, and now that I know I have Asperger's, don't feel so bad about that. Your social skills should improve the more you're around people. That's how it was for me. Good luck.